forum Just quickly read through these story snippets and tell me what you think.

Started November 17, 2018 by @soupnana group

tune

Read this and give me feedback. All my friends are well… my friends, and they refuse to critique me. Don't hold back, I can stand it.

A cold breeze drifted through the streets of Restburn. Of course, the breeze came every night, along with the creeping shadows and whispers in the trees. Restburn was no ordinary town, no it was strange in ways unimaginable. But of course, that was what made the village so special, and also what kept visitors out and the inhabitants in.
Manny O’Kane knew this as well as any man in his town, not only this bit of information, but that no mortal human was to go out past the light hours. No mortal human was to bother the immortal creatures outside his door. No mortal human was to break a single rule, and Manny O’Kane was determined to do just that.
An unusually loud Whisper swept past Manny’s one-room-hut window, but he ignored it. Not because he wasn’t afraid, but because it was the rule. ‘No one is to bother the Whispers as they roam the streets at dark hours.’
Manny fumbled with the metal saucer in his trembling hands, doing his best to keep quiet. Another rule of the dark hours. ‘Keep quiet and stay out of sight.’ He set the saucer down on the woolen cloth on his table and tip-toed to his bed.
He had forgotten to clean up before the dark hours, and for that he was paying the price. He had to be incredibly silent, and had to move around in the pitch-black hut he lived in. That adds one more rule he had to keep this night. ‘No light; flame or magical, is allowed.’
As Manny O’Kane made his way to his bed, he accidentally stubbed his shoeless foot on the corner of the anvil beside the furnace. He was about to cry out, but he gritted his teeth and only took a sharp intake of breath. He sat down on the edge of his one-man bed and swung his legs up onto it, pulling at the thin sheet he used as a blanket.
After getting comfortable, Manny began to doze off, but was quickly reawakened by a dark figure moving past his window, a cloak flapping behind it. Mr. O’Kane sat up and watched the window for a moment, before standing and walking towards the window, pulling back the tattered cloth that he used as a curtain.
Standing next to the quiet fountain in the square, was the shadow that had passed by Manny’s window. The figure seemed to be holding something. Something that seemed to be giving off a faint light. Who is daring enough to go out at this hour? This person could be killed! Manny thought. He was right. If any of the towns people were to go out into the square at this hour, they would most certainly be killed. Of course, this figure could just as easily not be human. The thought crossed Manny’s mind and he suddenly realized what he was doing. He was breaking one of the most important rules. ‘Do not bother, spy on, communicate, or make eye contact with the Shifters.’
Shifters were what the people of Manny’s village called the leaders. They were unnatural beings that could change their form at will. There were three Shifters leading Restburn, and they were not to be bothered. If any of the villagers were to contact them in any way, it was punishable by death in most cases.
Manny stepped away from the window, but he was too late. The Shifter had noticed him. He watched as the form in the square seemed to go down on all fours, and triple in size. Before Manny could react, a wolf the size of a cow was leaping towards him. He fell on his backside and scrambled towards the corner of his hut for shelter, but nothing could escape a creature such as this. The wall of the house burst into splinters as the wolf barreled through it. Manny cowered before the massive jaws as they opened wide to attack, saliva dripping from its fangs.
“You are foolish Human! And for that you will die!” A growl came from the beasts’ throat. Manny O’Kane looked at the merciless eyes in terror, stuttering. The wolf laughed, but before it could kill the man before it, a light and most definitely female voice came from the square outside.
“Zephyrus, what is the matter this time?” Manny saw the form standing just outside the broken wall of the hut. “Did someone steal your bone?” The person said in a mock baby voice.
“This doesn’t concern you, Iris. Get out of here before I add you to my menu along with this mouse.” The wolf turned its massive head to look at the figure close by. She was slender, with a light blue dress that seemed to flow behind her like the wind itself. Her hair glowed a silver blonde in the moonlight.
The woman snarled at the beast before her, “I dare you to try, Mutt!” She turned on her heel and when she was making eye contact with Zephyrus once more, she was no longer a woman, but a massive white leopard, with even whiter spots. She almost lazily, batted a huge paw at the wolf, knocking him to the side and freeing Manny. He watched as the wolf and the leopard flew into a battle. Teeth gnashing, claws scratching, paws flailing. He got to his feet and began to run way from the fighting beasts, but before he could go ten yards, a giant tail caught him in the stomach, knocking him back to the ground. Manny pulled himself to his knees, rubbing his head. Both leopard and wolf were laughing at him, Iris’ tail whipping around like some kind of serpent. That is what must have knocked him down.
“Looks like my prey thought he could get away.” Zephyrus chuckled, stepping closer to Manny.
“I kept him from running, so he is now mine!” The giant leopard swatted a paw at the other beast, pushing him away from the terrified man. Iris walked over to him, looking down at him with eyes that seemed to glow in the darkness, a greyish blue the color of the winter sky after a freshly fallen snow.
Entranced, Manny didn’t notice the massive wolf charging towards him until it had taken hold of his leg in its jaws and began dragging him out into the square. The beast was moving so quick that Manny was lifted off the ground, only his fingers scraping against the flagstones occasionally. There was a terrible pounding sound behind them and he saw Iris sprinting towards them, definitely quicker than Zephyrus, seeing as she wasn’t burdened by any cargo. Manny’s vision was quickly distorted as he was whipped around and flung into the air like a ragdoll, he skidded and hit the side of the fountain in the center of the square. Barley conscious, he noticed the long gashes on his left leg. Blood poured out of the wounds, and Manny cried out in pain and fear. He stared at the cuts, feeling energy and life leaving his body along with the blood.
His head dropped to the flagstones, his eyes blurring until focusing on a glowing chunk of what must have been glass. He reached out a weak hand, touching it right before the light from the object consumed his gaze, and his eyes fluttered closed.
Iris roared, “Now look what you’ve done! I didn’t even get the pleasure of killing him!” She turned and was soon back to her human self, running towards the body of Manny O’Kane. She stopped and stood over him, but her eyes were not on Manny. No, she was looking at the glowing glass shard that was the last thing Mr. O’Kane saw. She bent down, picking it up and examining it before it was quickly snatched from her by Zephyrus, now back to a human with long black hair streaked with brown and a pointed nose and face, and eyes as black as ink.
“I believe that belongs to me.” He said sharply, stuffing the broken chunk of glass in his cloak.
“I found it first! Give it back!” Iris demanded.
“I dropped it when I spotted him spying on me. It is none of your business.”
“We both know what that is. It belongs to no one. I should return it, so give it back.”
“And we both know that you will do no such thing. You will use it’s powers for your own gain.”
Iris growled but didn’t say anything else as she turned away from Manny and Zephyrus. She began walking but quickly changed into a leopard and sprinted away from the square and into the forest.

Okay, love the mood you built up in the first half. It felt eerie and silent. I got the vibes! The world building got the same vibe and I loved it! There feels like so much to unpack here with the story. Good job! :)

Grammar/narrative wise:

Some of the syntax throughout could be simplified down into something less wordy and a bit more streamlined. For example:
This: But of course, that was what made the village so special, and also what kept visitors out and the inhabitants in.
Manny O’Kane knew this as well as any man in his town, not only this bit of information, but that no mortal human was to go out past the light hours.
Could be switched to this:
Of course, that's what made the village so special. It kept the visitors out and the inhabitants in. Manny O'Kane knew this as well as any man in his town. No mortal human was to go out past sundown.

Also, I think
This Manny cowered before the massive jaws as they opened wide to attack, saliva dripping from its fangs.
Could be switched to this Manny cowered before the massive jaws, feeling flecks of saliva drip from the attacking fangs.
because it keeps the one thing (Manny) as the subject of the sentence and the one to feel and see the things. (am i making sense?? Idk)

Run-on sentence
This She bent down, picking it up and examining it before it was quickly snatched from her by Zephyrus, now back to a human with long black hair streaked with brown and a pointed nose and face, and eyes as black as ink.
to this
She bent down, picking it up. Before she could really examine it, Zephrus, now human, snatched it away. His human form had long black-brown hair, a pointed face and nose, and eyes as black as ink.

These are just lil things that i thought I'd point out! Other than that…thought it was pretty good! the narrative flow was a little bit choppy but I think that can be fixed by looking over your sentence structure again, not just the things i pointed out. If you want more help with that, I'd be happy to assist. As you can tell, probably, I like editing!

Thank you so much! This really helps. I'll let you know if I need anything else.

Aight, so I did the prologue, any way you could go through this bit of the first chapter?
There was a chill in the mansion. It crept through the hallways and dwelled in the rooms, infecting all the inhabitants, making them sluggish and constantly tired. It affected the maids, butlers, chefs, and even the family dog. It affected Mr. and Mrs. Wescott and their three children, Jenny, Aaron, and Annie. The only person who wasn’t affected by this unnatural chill was Willow. In fact, she seemed more alive than ever. Bounding through the hallways, greeting everyone with a friendly smile and an energetic wave, and sneaking into the kitchens to steal food from the chefs were just a few things that made her so lively. Today was another day to be enjoyed by her, and she started her day like any other during this time of year; jumping out of bed and running to the doors that led to her private balcony.
A chilly wind swept into Willow’s room and she flung open the doors. She practically skipped over to the railing, breathing in the winter air. More snow had fallen, and it was beautiful! Every tree, every bush, seemed to sparkle with it. Snowflakes drifted to the ground, each one dancing like a ballerina. Willow spotted her father walking towards his car and she called out.
“Dad,” She waved energetically as he looked up and he smiled wearily, waving back, “Drive safe! Watch out for deer!” Willow could hear her father’s laugh as he blew his daughter a kiss before getting into his car and driving away. Today was going to be a good day, she could feel it.
“Well no wonder it is so freezing cold! You are standing out on the balcony with the door wide open. Honestly girl, we are all practically human icicles.” A voice with a strong English accent came from behind Willow and she turned to spot her maid, Adria, looking at her with her arms crossed, but with a smile all the same.
“Good morning Adria! Sorry ‘bout the chill! I can barely feel it myself.” Willow hurriedly went into her room, closing the doors behind her. She turned to look at the maid as she shook her head, still smiling.
“I don’t know what about being cold makes you happy. Any weather that isn’t sunny, you seem to relish in.”
“Cool weather is the best weather! That means no bugs, no heat, obviously, and-and,” Willow whipped her head around to stare at the wintery landscape, her hands pressed against the glass of the doors, “snow!”
She skipped and danced around Adria before reaching her closet. She opened the door and stepped inside, examining the array of clothing, most of which were in shades of blue. She swiped a light blue and white striped sweater from the self, along with long blue jeans. She moved further into the closet before reaching her changing room. As she changed, she called back to Adria, “What time is it?”
Adria’s voice chimed back, sounding slightly confused, “Twelve thirty, why do you ask?”
“The snow festival starts at one and I don’t want to be late!”
Willow bounded out of the closet, past a stunned Adria, through the hallway, and down the staircase.
Her socks skidded on the tiled floor at the base of the stairs, and she ran into the kitchen, looking at the chefs as they prepared lunch.
“Took you long enough to wake up! You missed breakfast!” One of the chefs called as Willow grabbed one the finished sandwiches and took a large bite.
Not responding, she backed out the kitchen door and it swung back and forth behind her. She went to the front door, tugging on slim but warm and comfortable black boots before yanking open the door and stepping out into the winter air. She took the sandwich out from her mouth and took in a deep breath, letting fog escape from her mouth before moving to walk down the steps. She put her foot on the first step, and slipped, her feet flying upward comically. Willow lay on the ground, her backside smarting from the fall. Pulling herself to her feet, she glanced around and saw her half-eaten sandwich laying in the snow and she grumbled with the waste of such a good sandwich.
Willow walked down the stairs, a bit more cautiously this time. She reached the garage and she punched the code into a key pad to get inside and she quickly pulled it closed, her boots thudding against the cold concrete floor as she wound her way through cars and all sorts of vehicles, until she reached the back and she put the same code in to open the back garage. It opened, white light flooding in and making all the vehicles gleam with their waxed finishes and pristine aluminum bodies.
Willow’s father had loved cars and motorcycles since his teenage years, and he treated every vehicle like they were living human beings. He had every car, motorcycle, and any other vehicle cleaned twice a week, even if he didn’t use them, and Willow had never seen her dad in the same car two days in a row. Some days he’d take the blue Ford F150, and other day’s he’d take the sleek, silver Mustang just for style. No matter which car her father drove, he drove it with pride, as long as it was clean, had good mileage (whatever that meant) and was reliable.
Willow ran to the wall, where a rack full of skis and snowboards hung. She grabbed her snowboard off the wall and snatched her goggles on her way out the back. She walked out into the backyard, setting the snowboard on the top of a steep hill with a crunch. She put one foot on the snowboard, but there was no latch for a boot, nor was there a boot to latch on to. Instead, ice formed around her ankles, holding her steadily in place. Willow lifted her other foot onto the board, ice hastily consuming that one too. Snapping the goggles onto her eyes, she jumped, gravity taking hold of her and pulling her down the hill. She wound around trees, branches sticking out from the snow, rocks, and most importantly, wildlife. She had nearly run over a squirrel last year, and she didn’t plan for that to happen again. She went off jumps, landing perfectly every time, until she swerved her board around to slow herself.
Snow sprayed up around her, flecking her goggles with white specks as she came to a standstill. She lifted her feet off the board, the ice melting away as quickly as it had come. Willow stashed her board behind a tree, ice locking it in place, along with her goggles which she had just taken off. She looked at the snow-white field before her, and saw hundreds of snowmen, snow-forts, even snow Christmas trees, even though Christmas had already passed.
Making her way through the maze of creations, Willow spotted the two people she was looking for, both bundled up in scarves and coats. They looked at her in shock and surprise at the sight of her thin jeans and simple sweater. Wren and Zeke trudged toward her, both looking exceptionally cold, their teeth chattering.
“What took you so long?” Said Zeke in between the clacking of his teeth.
“She didn’t take that long! She is here before most contestants. The rest of the people here now are judges and kids who won’t be participating.” Wren said, gesturing at a lopsided snow man that was indeed, being built by a bundled up little five-year-old, with the help of his older sister.
Zeke said nothing as he blew into his gloved hands in an attempt to warm them.
“And just as a side note,” Wren continued, “how in the world are you not a human icicle right now?”
Willow laughed, “You guys should understand by now that I don’t get cold easy. I have known you two half of my life and you still don’t seem to get it.”
“Well it doesn’t make sense. You show up here in jeans and a sweater, and your no even shivering. It’s like this is the beach for you!” Zeke put in grumpily.
Laughing and walking ahead of the others, Willow found a clean patch of snow clear of people. She turned to the others and opened her arms wide. “Let’s get building!”
The team set to work on their snow fort. Every year, there was a fort building contest at the Snow Festival, and Willow, Zeke, and Wren always participated. Somehow, they almost always managed to win with the help of Willow. She could manipulate snow and ice in a way that the others couldn’t, and it definitely bettered their chances of winning.
As Willow worked, she thought about her strange abilities. She had figured them out around the age of six, when she was playing outside. It was a warm summers day, and she had been playing a friendly game of tag with Jenny. She had been chasing her little sister, and they had been in the woods, winding their way between trees, their mother calling for them to not go too far. As they got further in, the pond that Willow always went to now, came closer. Jenny had spotted it, and she turned right before going into the waters, but Willow hadn’t seen the pond, and she ran straight into it. Or at least, she should have. Instead, she slid on ice that had formed beneath her feet, keeping her from getting wet. The ice lasted long enough for Willow to get off the pond and find her sister, but by the time she had dragged Jenny back to the pond, where she had hoped to show her the strange anomaly, the ice had gone. Jenny, having been angry that Willow forced her over to the pool, just whined angrily and insisted they go back.
Ever since that day, Willow had figured out how to control her ability to create ice and snow, and she used it to her advantage, and only when no one was looking. She had considered consulting her parents or her friends about it, but every time she was about to, she thought about labs with needles prodding her skin.
Willow grimaced at the image of masked doctors hunkered over her and smoothed her hand over a block of snow that had ice hidden at its core to make it more stable. She set the block on top of a ring of ice bricks just like it, beginning the second layer to create their igloo.
After a few hours of hard work and many breaks to drink hot cocoa or to warm up in town hall (which was right next to the field,) the small igloo they had started on was looking almost finished, blocks of snow and ice piled together to create the little hut. Willow sat back, examining her handiwork. They had not only created a really good snow fort, but they did it in record time as well. She stood as she spotted the judges coming their way, chatting casually.
When they reached the igloo, they looked at it in surprise, one of the judges even looked over her reading glasses as if it was just an illusion. They all began to scribble madly on their clipboards, and Willow was sure they had just gotten a top score in every category. She grinned, and she crouched down to crawl into the small igloo, where both Wren and Zeke sat, having a conversation about the newest superhero movie, Indestructible.
“There is no way that he can be invincible to everything! He has got to have a weakness, otherwise the world is doomed! He’ll take over and Metaman and the Eagle won’t be able to stop him!” Wren was saying, waving her hands around in frustration.
“But that is what makes him such a good villain! Nothing seems to work on him, so the heroes have to figure it out before he takes over earth. He has already killed Gemstone and Blizzard. But we know that there is going to be another Gemstone movie, so obviously they can’t actually be dead.” Zeke said.
“Well both of you have it wrong. Cosmos is going to end up turning good and he will regret his actions. He will use his powers to bring Gem and Blitz back to life. He doesn’t have a physical weakness, but rather an emotional one, and that’s what the heroes will use to make him good.” Willow looked at them both, grinning. “Honestly, you two fight over the weirdest things.”
“And somehow, you always prove us both wrong.” Wren said, looking at Willow resentfully, but smiling all the same.
“The judges just came by, and I am certain we won.”
“Well then let’s get out of here and go receive our scores.” Zeke exclaimed pushing Willow aside to get out.

Woah, nice! The mood here is a sudden swing from the mood in the prologue, and that's a good thing! it's like a breath of fresh air and Willow certainly is a spunky character. For the most part, i found her energy believable and real as an actual person. (sometimes these happy go lucky characters can come across fake and annoying) you did good, my dude!
Here are little things that I thought could be changed. (keep in mind these are opinions so take it all with a grain of salt):

• The only person who wasn’t affected by this unnatural chill was Willow.
  I think some different diction could be used in place of affected to get more imagery across. I'd try the word touched or influenced idk that's just me.
• most of which were in shades of blue.
  This is a point that I think overdoes Willow's whole winter aesthetic. A real person has a favorite color, yes, but their whole wardrobe wouldn't be in shades of one color. I think it breaks suspension of disbelief. You can mention that she's wearing blue, but telling the reader that all she ever wears is blue is a little…much?
• She went to the front door, tugging on slim but warm and comfortable black boots before yanking open the door and stepping out into the winter air.
  This sentence feels like it's all over the place. I'd mention the door only once, and all at once and cut the description of the boots a little…if that makes sense? Like: She tugged on slim black boots before bouncing to the front door, yanking it open, and stepping out into the winter air.
• had good mileage (whatever that meant)
  How old is Willow? If she's younger than ten years old than this is okay, but any older and it feels weird. Most kids know a lot more than you'd think and it (again) breaks the reader's suspension of disbelief if you try to convince the audience that she doesn't know what car mileage is. In my experience, it's easier to sell that she knows something rather than not.
• Willow grimaced at the image of masked doctors hunkered over her and smoothed her hand over a block of snow that had ice hidden at its core to make it more stable.
  I had to reread this sentence, because it's pulling us out of Willow's brain and into the present real world again. I think it should be more obvious. And cut some of the unnecessary info. Like?? Willow grimaced, shaking the image of masked doctors hunkered over her out of her mind. She smoothed her hand over a block of snow.
• When they reached the igloo, they looked at it in surprise, one of the judges even looked over her reading glasses as if it was just an illusion.
  This is a run on sentence. Easy fix. Just add a period between …surprise and one of…
• “The judges just came by, and I am certain we won.”
  “Well then let’s get out of here and go receive our scores.”
  To make this dialog sound more natural, I'd turn I am into a contraction. Most people speak in contractions. Also, diction is more causal in dialog. I don't think I'd hear someone say receive rather than something like get or see

These are just some initial thoughts and are really tiny things!! Good job!!

You are a savior! If you need another thing to edit, I have the second half of the chapter.
She and Wren followed Zeke out into the snow, but they saw Zeke standing resolutely in front of the entrance, talking to another person. Willow poked Zeke in the leg, and he shifted to the side to allow herself and Wren to get by. When they were out of the igloo, Willow looked at the boy standing before her, but his face was partially obscured by his hood. All Willow could see, was a glint of yellow and a smirk with fang-like teeth, before the boy turned and walked away.
When she turned to ask Zeke who that was, she noticed his face was red, not with the cold, but with anger. “He said that he for sure beat us, and that our igloo was nothing more than a shack compared to his fort.” He said, crossing his arms.
Willow glanced around at all the forts. Every one of them was insignificant compared to theirs. “He was goading you Zeke. No fort here is better than ours.”
Zeke kicked snow in response, sulking away towards the judges’ panel where they would receive their scores. Turning to Wren, Willow rolled her eyes, and they made their way after him. When they reached the judges, they noticed that Zeke had his hands on the table, as though he had just slapped them down upon it in frustration. The head judge was scanning the scores, shaking his head slightly. He looked back up at Zeke, shifting his cowboy hat nervously.
“The scores add up clearly. You didn’t win, those folks over there did.” He tipped his head toward a group of chatting people, all around the same age as Willow.
Zeke seemed ready to roar with frustration, but he held it back by throwing his hands up in the air and stomping away in frustration.
Willow and Wren approached the table where the judges sat, and Willow said in a steady voice, “Sorry ‘bout him, he’s a poor loser. Is there any way we could change our score? Could we possibly add more to our fort? Is it not fort-like enough? Oh, I knew I shouldn’t have gone for an igloo.” She realized she had begun rambling, and she shut her mouth, waiting for the judge’s response.
He sighed glancing back down at his clipboard, “Well, I guess you could beat them. If you manage to get three more points in any category, you’ll win. Ya’ll have half an hour before we announce the official scores.”
Both Wren and Willow grinned at the judge and hurried off to go fix their fort. “You go ahead and start on fixing it up. I am going to go check out what made their fort so great.” Willow hurried off towards where the kids had been chatting. She found them easily enough, seeing as they all were unique. One of the girls in the group had short dark black hair that seemed to absorb light, rather than reflect it. Not only that, but her skin almost seemed as white as the snow around her. Beside her was a boy with messy sandy hair, and eyes with slitted pupils and bright yellow irises. He was talking to a girl named Penelope. Willow knew her because she used to be in her history class.
The girl seemed rather smitten with the boy with sandy hair, seeing as she giggled at the boy’s every word. The other girl, the one with the pixie cut black hair, noticed Willow and Wren, and she turned to the boy with the yellow eyes and whispered something to him, and he glanced back at Willow. He said something to Penelope, before the black-haired girl took hold of his arm and dragged him into the maze of forts.
“Come one! We need to catch up to them before they get too far.” Willow grabbed Wren’s hand and they ran after the strange pair.
They dodged snowmen, snow forts, and lots of people. Willow caught the occasional glimpse of black or sandy hair, but every time she thought they were about to catch up to them, they disappeared and somehow would end up on the other side of the field.
Exhausted, she stopped, Wren panting beside her. Willow looked up and saw a pale girl and a boy with yellow eyes walking out from behind a snowman with an especially large body. They began to walk casually, chatting as if they hadn’t just been running around in the snow. Suddenly, Willow noticed they were joined by a strikingly pretty girl with sleek black hair that hung in hundreds of braids that went down to her waist. Her skin was a mocha brown and she had bright hazel eyes.
She looked over at Willow and Wren with an innocent expression and Willow heard a low whistle behind her. She turned to see Zeke staring at the pretty girl with a dumbfounded expression, his mouth slightly open. She rolled her eyes at him and turned to look back at the trio, but by the time she had looked around, they had gone.
“Wh- where did they go?” Willow said, still breathless from all the running.
Zeke blinked rapidly, shaking his head slightly. “Was I just dreaming?” He asked dumbly.
“Yes. Whatever you just saw was a figment of your imagination.” Wren said, her cheeks turning pink. She grabbed his wrist and guided him away like he was a lost puppy.
Willow didn’t move, rather, she slowly walked towards where the trio had stood, and once she was right where they had been, she looked around to see if she could spot them, but they didn’t seem anywhere in sight. Huffing, she turned and made her way through the maze of snow creations, until she reached the place where her snowboard was hidden behind a tree. She released it from its ice casing, tucking it under her arm as she started climbing the hill back to her house.
There was no use in staying for the final decision. She and her group were too tired to fix their igloo anyways. She thought she could survive losing the snow festival fort building competition this one year, but it still disappointed her all the same. The past few years there had been no question that they would win. The judges almost always saved Willow’s fort for last, knowing how amazing it would be. She thought about how they must have been disappointed to see someone with a fort better than hers. What made that fort so grand? What could have made those strange kids’ fort better than her own? She grumbled to herself as she trudged up the hill, her feet beginning to feel wet with snow. This had been a rather disappointing day. Snow began to drift down, slow at first, but turning into a full out blizzard after a while.
Taking no notice, Willow kept her feet moving. She went against the biting snow and the bitter wind, her hair whipping around her. The sun began to dim, and clouds covered the sky like a warm blanket. Even though it was currently the opposite of warm.
She stumbled over a tree branch that had been hidden under the snow, and she threw her hands out in front of her to catch herself.
But, her hands never touched the frozen ground. Instead, she felt as if she was doing a strange pushup, her feet planted on the ground, her legs and body out straight, and her hands stretched out below her, air keeping them aloft. A rush of surprise rushed through Willow, and her momentary loss of concentration made her lose her balance and fall face first into the snow.
She lay there, glad she was alone after such an embarrassing experience, but the embarrassment quickly passed as she thought of her levitating hands, preventing her from falling. Her train of thought was interrupted by what sounded like a muffled laugh. She sat up, looking around warily. Nothing was moving, other than the falling snow and rustling pines. Probably just a bird- or something. She picked up her snowboard that she had dropped when she tripped, and kept going, her mind still on the strange thing that had just happened.
A flash of red among the white brown and green. Willow paused, her eyes where she had momentarily seen the bright color. The sun had fallen almost completely, and the momentary red glare from it had passed. So, it couldn’t have been the sun, could it? She swallowed nervously and took a tentative step toward the tree where the red flash had been. A crunch of snow came from behind it, and Willow gasped as a person came out from behind the evergreen.
In all of Willow’s fifteen years on earth, she had never seen a boy like the one standing before her. She had seen men with mohawks so high they had to duck to get through doorways. She had seen girls who dyed their hair every color of the rainbow, and who had pastel makeup to go with it. People with tattoos over their entire bodies, and piercings all over themselves as well. But all those people had changed their appearance using means such as coloring their hair and styling themselves a certain way. The boy standing before her would have been normal, had his hair been a natural shade of ginger red, rather than a bright molten red with a white streak through the middle of it. And if his eyes had been a dark evergreen color, rather than a yellow fading to a lime green.
She jumped back away from him, stumbled, and fell back into the snow. The boy laughed, it was a joyous, lightening sound and Willow couldn’t help but blush slightly. Here she was, sitting in the snow like an idiot while he laughed at her. She huffed in anger and stood up, not bothering to brush the snow off herself.
“Do I have to prepare to catch you if you if you fall in the snow again?” The boy asked, his face lit with a grin.
Willow swallowed, her cheeks flushed with embarrassment. She didn’t respond.
“Silent eh?” The boy scratched his head as if in thought, his already messy red and white hair becoming messier. “Well mind if I at least escort you the rest of the way up the hill? Wolves and bears roam around here.” He said this and pointed at a pair of paw prints in the ground.
“I can protect myself thanks.” Willow said, picking up her fallen snowboard for a second time. She began to march up the snowy hill, snow stinging against her face.
“Well I am going to escort you anyways.” Said the boy as he ran up beside Willow, flashing a dazzling smile at her.
She stopped in her tracks and spun around to look at him shoving an accusing finger at his chest. “Look, I don’t need you to ‘escort’ me back up to my house. You expect me to trust a total stranger who is-” she paused, searching for the right word as she looked him up and down, “strange? So goodbye stalker boy, I can walk a few yards by myself.” She turned back around and kept walking up the hill.
“At least tell me your name!” He shouted back up at her.
She stopped, turning to look back at him, “Willow. My name is Willow.” And as she turned back around, she thought she saw another dazzling grin, but not of kindness, rather, a smile of triumph.