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I've always been lacking in the creation of heavy paced action scenes. I never was able to pin the complete concept of it.
Recently I've been doing action writing exercises with a friend of mine (meaning they are non-cannon to our stories). Could someone who is good at writing action please critique this? (Another note, this one isn't finished yet, so that's why the cut off is so abrupt.)
Rose walked through the dark alleyways of southern Sytriz, her eyes wide trying to see in the faint neon lights. The air felt thick, almost like it would rain if the city wasn’t underground. She exhaled, feeling the blood pump through her veins. Her eyesight felt indistinct from the steam welling up from the buildings around her. Neverni was far too complicated for her.
A silhouette jumped from the rooftops, stray laces of hair flying through the thick air as she came to a stop on the wall. Her claws dug into the metal and concrete walls, slowing her fall as she slid down to the dim-lit alley. The loud metal scraping sounded throughout the tight space in a distorted echo, seemingly coming from the area behind where Rose was standing.
She whipped around, her blonde hair smacking her face as she looked to see the cause of the scraping. Her breath hitched in fear as she temporary blinded herself.
Lau glared at the physique of Rose as she drew a little closer. Licks of purple fire trailed up her gauntlets, burning more flesh as they passed over her scars.
The action of Rose grabbing her many throwing knives attached to her belt took less than seconds, twirling them between her fingers preparing to defend herself from the woman before her. “I will not hesitate to justify any harm inflicted upon myself.” She stated, sucking in a deep breath of the humid air.
Lau slammed her right fist into the wall, causing an eruption of purple fire with a small shower of loose cement pebbles. She prepared her stance to duck if she threw one of her knives.
“What do you want?” The monochrome teen queried, observing the flares emitting from the woman’s gauntlets.
She rushed Rose, keeping a low profile and tried to drive her palm into Rose’s chest.
Rose’s eyes widened with shock. There was a black flash and the woman was back near the wall, the same spot where she was before she attempted to rush Rose.
Gouts of fire left Lau’s palm as it impacted with Rose’s chest, sending her stumbling backward.
Rose regained her balance, her eyes flashing evilly. “Oh… now you’re not getting any pardons.” Her eyes flashed, a smile cruelly setting its place along her face. Twisting her hand within the air, time bombs forming within the air that crushed onto the woman’s body. Her body shook with each impact, the cruel memories shocking though the woman’s being.
Lau fell to her knees, glancing around trying to figure out what was real or a memory. She glared up at Rose and smiled, mouthing the words: “Fuck… you…”. Fire erupted from the ground around her, burning her flesh as she stood up again.
Rose laughed, “I see your fire is hurting you. Maybe-” Her tone took a cruel sing-song tone as she flipped her hand down. A dark time dome materialized, shrinking around Lau and her flames. “I can burn you alive.” Her voice became appallingly vicious as she grinned with a small laugh.
Lau waved her hand over the fires putting them out one by one, and kneeled in the center of the dome. Her burned flesh stopped at her face, somehow leaving it untouched. She mouthed the words: “Go ahead… do it.”
Rose tilted her head, “Hmm? Where’s the fun in that?” She grinned once again, the dome shrinking in on Lau slowly. “You’re like a bug undertow.” She took a step forward. “You messed with the wrong Godtier.” The dome shrunk in on her quickly, crushing her before dispersing in a ball of dark electricity, leaving Lau alive. “You decided to prey on me, finish your damn job.”
Any and all feedback would be highly appreciated! Thank you.