forum I wrote a bit of a thing. Read it.
Started by @Tarrant_Korrin
tune

people_alt 3 followers

@Tarrant_Korrin

Just as I was about to say something witty in return, a hush swept over the crowd.
No, that’s not right, a hush didn’t sweep over the crowd, it fell over the crowd. You may think that there isn’t any difference between the two, but trust me, there is.
A sweeping silence is mundane. You hear them all the time, when someone important enters a room, when someone is making a scene, when musicians begin playing a song. The people closest to the source stop speaking first, their attention caught. Next, their neighbours notice their silence, and they too fall silent when they notice the source. This continues outwards in a wave, until the entire room is doused in the quiet. Like any wave though, sweeping silences aren’t even. They falter and crash as people push back at them, self-important nobles with ego enough for three men, rich ladies who’ve had a few too many glasses of wine, musicians paid to keep playing uninterrupted for the entire night. Sometimes the wave crashes entirely, and conversation merely dims for a few second before people decide their stories are in fact more important than whatever is happening. Sometimes, very rarely, when the person is important enough, or the scene loud enough, or the music beautiful enough, a silence will sweep over a crowd so quickly as to be mistaken for a falling silence. But it is not.
Falling silences are exceedingly rare, as the only occur when the source is so significant, so unequivocally more important than anything else that could possibly be happening in the room at the time. More important than egotistical nobles or drunk ladies or professional musicians, more than the king and his court, or the magically gifted witches. They are the result of extreme wonder, or extreme awe… or extreme dread.
And the hush that blanked the room at that moment fell. And it fell hard.

@Reblod flag

I didn't think it would be possible to write a whole paragraph on people becoming quiet but here it is and it's actually great
You probably wanted more than that but i just wanted to say

@doug

Ok, great detail and prose, but I am lost on the perspective. Is this a first person, implying "I" and "me" or a 1st person insert, using "you"? Fix that up and it'll be just about perfect.

@Tarrant_Korrin

Its a person recounting their story in a memoirs of sorts, so when they say 'you', they are directly addressing the reader. sorry for the confusion, and thanks.

Deleted user

Lovely imagery! I like the use of the word "unequivocally". That's a great word. (Sorry, I just kind of love words).

(I don't know if you're looking for criticism or not, so I'm sorry if this next part is unwelcome). There's really only one thing I noticed that kind of bothered me—the starting of sentences with "and" and "but".

I used to do this a lot when I first started writing, I guess to try and emphasize things and make them seem more powerful? (I think I picked it up from some teen fiction books I was reading at the time). In the end, though, I found that it usually made my scenes feel choppier and a little overly dramatic. Now, on the choppy and overly dramatic front, yours is really not that bad. Mine was….cringes violently….much, much, much worse. I also started way more sentences with "and" and "but" than you do here. In any case, I just thought I'd mention that.

Overall, this is very well written and the mentions of things like witches, nobles, and the king's court made me interested as to what is happening and where the story is set. I hope this was helpful (and not overly rude) and I wish you good luck with your story :)