forum I would like some feedback (my story is in spanish)
Started by @SpookyAlien
tune

people_alt 40 followers

@clairecantsleephelp

I could take a look at it, but the document is private…
(I would also like to add that Spanish isn't my first language, but I think I can understand it pretty well…)

@saor_illust school

(Heyyyy I'm just going to pop in here for a sec… first of all, welcome! I'm glad there's a couple of new people coming in, if you need anything, anything at all, feel free to pop on in to the venting chat and we'll help you anyway we can! second of all, "edit" your document and on the top right, go to About > Share and toggle the switch from private to public! I hope that was helpful!)

@saor_illust school

your welcome! i've been here a while, and don't be afraid to send me a message (by visiting the profile of chosen user you wish to send a message to and click send a message) at any time!

@clairecantsleephelp

Hi, sorry for the long wait… Also I've never done this before and a think my spanish is a little more rusty than I initially thought… But anyway

So, is this the first scene? If so, you should consider changing the beginning of the story, because it's a little bit confusing… As a reader, it is really hard to understand a world that I know nothing about, and it feels like a lot of information at once. Maybe you could try a slower beginning, give us time to get to know the characters and the universe you created.
It also felt more like a script than a book, if that make any sense… Maybe try to describe things at a slower pace?

Anyway, I hope this was helpful. And good luck with your story!