forum I Will Critique Some Characters! closed for now (please I already have a long line let me catch up)

Started January 29, 2023 by @larcenistarsonist group

tune

Just as the title says! I'm bored and in an analytical mood! Be warned!!!! I consider myself very good at character design and development so I will not hesitate to rip something to shreds. However, I will be sure to include lots of positives with the critique!! :D

Hey! This guy isn't really done but I'd be into seeing what people think of him:

Hi! Mica is not very finished but hopefully this is enough, I'm worried he isn't very good haha. Rip him to shreds, please

(sorry also I just added a few things in nature, history and looks that i forgot, nothing very major other than his background)

Hey! This guy isn't really done but I'd be into seeing what people think of him:

HI HELLO LET'S GET INTO THIS!

• Overview:
• Okay! To start out with, the overview just… looks a little lacking? Some things I always recommend to add to the overview are: pronouns, HOW they got their nicknames/other names, and tag the Universe it's in. The overview as always super quick so I don't like to put too much into there, but yeah. The overview is pretty good!

• Also! Love interest to who???

• Looks:
• You seem very unsure with your character in regards of weight and body type. I recommend picking a concrete number for a weight and then elaborating on it to give readers a better visual. Also! The average for a 6'10" male is 214-262 lbs! Tell your readers this and give us a good comparison to go off of. (EX: 290 lbs, above average for his height, but that's due to muscle/fat from playing football.) This also ties in with body type.
• There are so many different NFL player body types. You have the guys who are all beef and muscle, others who are extremely well tones, others who are shorter and lithe, some who are broad with a rectangular body type, some who are broad with a small waist. There are so many different body types!! This is your place to describe it. Describe his shoulders, his hips, his abs, his chest, his legs, hell, even his posture!! Body type and shape are a super underrated factor in character design.
• HAIR!!!! Is it thick, curly, wavy, straight, fine, thin? Just some descriptors to get a better picture.
• FACIAL FEATURES!!! please, please, please give me facial features. What does his nose look like? Does he have a square jaw? How unruly are his eyebrows? Any moles on his face? Does he have a crooked smile? Thin lips? Faint eyelashes? Hooded eyes? Downturned eyes? Large ears????

• Overall, the Looks section leaves a lot unsaid.

• Nature:
• MANNERISMS!!! holy shit I need more mannerisms. I want mannerisms for every emotion. His expressions when sad? His physical posture when angry? The way he speaks when calm? How does he sleep!?!! There's so many different mannerisms you could go off of! I don't mean to self-promote, but if you look at my character page here, you'll see exactly what I mean by mannerisms. Mannerisms bring characters to life!!!!!
• alskdjf escaping the gay agenda i love it (is this his only motivation oho?)
• his flaws are great!!! my only concern will be,,, is there more?? flaws are what make characters human, by adding more flaws you make them more real!!

• I don't really have a lot to say for the rest of the section!!!

• Social:
• What does he do in the military? Don't be afraid to get specific
• Why are his favorites his favorites!?!?! Is there any reason or is it just because?

• Don't have a lot to say about this section!

• History:
• OHOHO BOY!
• Holy shit

• I don't really have anything to say here!!! I love his backstory so much!!!

• Family:
• OOGH okay I love that you included his pets <3

• BUT HIS FAMILY!!! Give his parents and siblings a name! This is your spot to tell the readers what Buck's relationship with his different family members is! I know you said earlier that he got along with his older and youngest siblings the most, but what are the individual dynamics? Does he play catch with his youngest sibling? Does he gossip about neighbors with his older sister?

• Notes:
• I love how disorganized this is,,, yet it all makes so much sense

Overall, I absolutely love Buck!!! He is an absolute LAD!

My main suggestions would be to expand on everything you have here. Also, we have the full ability to customize character templates, so don't be afraid to branch out! Once again, I hate to self-promote, but on my character sheets, I have so many custom tabs and text fields. Once you get comfortable with customizing your character sheets, literally you can put whatever you want onto here.

It was a lot of fun critiquing him!!

Hi! Mica is not very finished but hopefully this is enough, I'm worried he isn't very good haha. Rip him to shreds, please

(sorry also I just added a few things in nature, history and looks that i forgot, nothing very major other than his background)

(accidentally added that last part by editing instead of quoting, its possible that i am stupid)

Hey! This guy isn't really done but I'd be into seeing what people think of him:

HI HELLO LET'S GET INTO THIS!

• Overview:
• Okay! To start out with, the overview just… looks a little lacking? Some things I always recommend to add to the overview are: pronouns, HOW they got their nicknames/other names, and tag the Universe it's in. The overview as always super quick so I don't like to put too much into there, but yeah. The overview is pretty good!

• Also! Love interest to who???

• Looks:
• You seem very unsure with your character in regards of weight and body type. I recommend picking a concrete number for a weight and then elaborating on it to give readers a better visual. Also! The average for a 6'10" male is 214-262 lbs! Tell your readers this and give us a good comparison to go off of. (EX: 290 lbs, above average for his height, but that's due to muscle/fat from playing football.) This also ties in with body type.
• There are so many different NFL player body types. You have the guys who are all beef and muscle, others who are extremely well tones, others who are shorter and lithe, some who are broad with a rectangular body type, some who are broad with a small waist. There are so many different body types!! This is your place to describe it. Describe his shoulders, his hips, his abs, his chest, his legs, hell, even his posture!! Body type and shape are a super underrated factor in character design.
• HAIR!!!! Is it thick, curly, wavy, straight, fine, thin? Just some descriptors to get a better picture.
• FACIAL FEATURES!!! please, please, please give me facial features. What does his nose look like? Does he have a square jaw? How unruly are his eyebrows? Any moles on his face? Does he have a crooked smile? Thin lips? Faint eyelashes? Hooded eyes? Downturned eyes? Large ears????

• Overall, the Looks section leaves a lot unsaid.

• Nature:
• MANNERISMS!!! holy shit I need more mannerisms. I want mannerisms for every emotion. His expressions when sad? His physical posture when angry? The way he speaks when calm? How does he sleep!?!! There's so many different mannerisms you could go off of! I don't mean to self-promote, but if you look at my character page here, you'll see exactly what I mean by mannerisms. Mannerisms bring characters to life!!!!!
• alskdjf escaping the gay agenda i love it (is this his only motivation oho?)
• his flaws are great!!! my only concern will be,,, is there more?? flaws are what make characters human, by adding more flaws you make them more real!!

• I don't really have a lot to say for the rest of the section!!!

• Social:
• What does he do in the military? Don't be afraid to get specific
• Why are his favorites his favorites!?!?! Is there any reason or is it just because?

• Don't have a lot to say about this section!

• History:
• OHOHO BOY!
• Holy shit

• I don't really have anything to say here!!! I love his backstory so much!!!

• Family:
• OOGH okay I love that you included his pets <3

• BUT HIS FAMILY!!! Give his parents and siblings a name! This is your spot to tell the readers what Buck's relationship with his different family members is! I know you said earlier that he got along with his older and youngest siblings the most, but what are the individual dynamics? Does he play catch with his youngest sibling? Does he gossip about neighbors with his older sister?

• Notes:
• I love how disorganized this is,,, yet it all makes so much sense

Overall, I absolutely love Buck!!! He is an absolute LAD!

My main suggestions would be to expand on everything you have here. Also, we have the full ability to customize character templates, so don't be afraid to branch out! Once again, I hate to self-promote, but on my character sheets, I have so many custom tabs and text fields. Once you get comfortable with customizing your character sheets, literally you can put whatever you want onto here.

It was a lot of fun critiquing him!!

Ah thank you so much! This was really helpful. I'll be keeping all this in mind as I continue to flesh him out. (I'll admit in places like looks it's lacking because I have…no idea. In the book he's usually dressed to the nines in gear, so it's VERY hard for me to picture him in other ways. Def still working on that.) And mannerisms aren't something I'd really considered before. I didn't know you could configure the pages yourself, I'll have to play around with that. (That'll help adding family, I didn't see a good section to do that which wasn't links)

Thanks a ton! I'm glad you liked him, he's my favorite :)

I would absolutely love if you took a look at either my main protag, Simon, or my main antag, Madeline. They're both pretty funky.

I would love if someone would look at one of my MCs, Akira : Akira

the antagonist is my only one who's mostly done : Roraima

I've got my main protagonists (they're mostly done and i've got their backstories planned out in my head, i just have a hard time trying to word it together lol)

Ok…deep breath, you can do this. I can't draw, so your gonna just have to imagine, maybe someday I'll find someone to do a commission of my character. Anyway, if you know what Warrior Cats is, you should understand this. My characters name, is SkullFace. a mostly black tom-cat, with a light gray front right paw, a white skull marking on his face, complete with black eye lids, making it seem even more reminiscent of a skull than it already was, a dark gray line starting from his head going straight down his back to the tip of his tail, and the shade of gray gets lighter as it goes closer to his tail. he has light gray stripes on his back two legs, kinda like an okapi(look it up). He was abandoned at the entrance to ThunderClan as a kit, and nobody can say for sure who his biological parents are…but judging by a few marks that are similar to an old enemy of the Clan, his clanmates gossip about him being an…accident Scourge made with one of his many mates. Now, 29 moons later, SkullFace is a fully fledged warrior, but still gossiped about and feared by other warriors, though he's done nothing to do to earn that fear. He, as a result of this treatment, has learned to become almost silent, speaking only when he feels it's needed, and to let his actions speak louder than words. He sleeps all day and patrols and hunts at night, to avoid as much interactions with his clan mates as possible, even if it's more dangerous due to foxes and badgers. In short? He may as well be a loner within his Clan, but would still be willing to give his life for it. Maybe that would earn him respect is something he would think.

Hi! Mica is not very finished but hopefully this is enough, I'm worried he isn't very good haha. Rip him to shreds, please

(sorry also I just added a few things in nature, history and looks that i forgot, nothing very major other than his background)

(accidentally added that last part by editing instead of quoting, its possible that i am stupid)

Hi Yes Hello here we go! @estoc_

• Overview:

• The thing I have to say here is that it feels bare. There're only four fields in the overview and… well, some other things to add might be nice. Even if you link your universe or just add a few tags, it'll look a whole lot nicer.

• Looks:
• Something I always like to add for height and weight is the metric conversion and then a short description on it. Is Mica particularly taller than average, are they underweight/overweight in comparison to the average? Just some things to consider to help readers get a little more visual instead of just looking at a number. Descriptors are insanely easier to imagine than just a straight measurement.
• Length and texture are good when describing hair, but how exactly does he style it? side-part, middle-part, no-part? tucked behind the ears or in his face?
• Something overall I need to say for the looks section is to Describe Facial Features!!! I cannot stress this enough!!! Does Mica have full lips, a button nose, a crooked front tooth, a slit in his eyebrow?! Are his eyes downturned or hooded? Is his jaw sharp or smooth? Can you see pronounced cheekbones? It's the little things like these descriptors that really bring characters to life.

• I love the details you put for Mica's race!! The siren sounds so cool alkdfj merman lil dude <3

• Nature:
• I love the mannerisms you have already, but I need more. What does Mica do when sad, happy, excited, nervous, scared, angry, surprised, etc.? How does he sleep, run, swim, fight, eat??
• What do you mean by "Other people" in his motivation? Is he a people-pleaser? Does he just want to see others' goals accomplished? This is extremely vague and a character's motivation is what makes them do what they do. Why is Mica doing anything? What does he want?

• PERSONALITY!!! Please, please, please give me a synopsis of his personality. There's nothing other than a MBTI. Most people don't know what the MBTI means, nor do they have the patience to go figure it out. I have a very small understanding of who Mica is. I need the personality section to really bring him to life.

• Social:
• Okay, you've linked characters that Mica is friends with, but I don't know what their relationship is like. No person has an identical relationship with another. Give me the details!!! How do they act together, what is their dynamic like, how did they meet, do they have inside jokes??
• Social is also the point to list favorite anything, ideals, job(s)!! Expand this category!

• ALSO! Neutral Good is an alignment, not a political ideal. What you put under politics tells me how Mica views the world and how he thinks it's run. Is he content with the government, does he want a more liberal/conservative set of rights? What's his favorite form of government (democracy, monarchy, oligarchy, dictatorship, etc.)

• History:
• I love his backstory, but it's very hard to read. The sentences are unnecessarily wordy and there's too many commas. The sentence structure also feels very non-linear. I feel you have good bones here, but it just needs more detail and a quick rewrite that'll help make it easier to read.

• Put more here!! Talk about Mica's hometown, current residence, education level! Anything you want that has to do with his past!

• Personality:
• WHOO! A personality field!! I love what you have here, but it's just a bunch of quick fun facts that don't tell me a lot. I said it earlier, but I would love a field that will describe his personality for me!

I know what Mica looks like and I know where he came from, but I don't know who he is. This is my biggest critique. I don't know what his motivations are; I don't know what his full personality is; I don't know what his relationship with others is; I don't know why he's doing anything.

You have such great roots here!! All you have to do is take what I said (with a grain of salt) and elaborate, expand, and develop!

Thank you so much this really helps!! I will take all of this in account for him as well as other characters!

Very excited for my critique lol for some reason

I would love it if you could look at my Azlin

please make time for SkullFace when you can, I'll stop pestering now, thank you!

Hi yes I am still doing these but keep in mind it takes me 45 minutes to thoroughly critique a character. I am doing them in order and i will get to everyone eventually but please be patient. I am one person with responsibilities and I am doing this all on my own free time.

While I have a character profile for this character on Notebook It's not complete and I only really have appearance down in it.
His appearance (direct quotes from my story): His hair was messy and unkempt, with bangs falling to his eyebrows, almost covering his eyes, and seemed slightly nervous. His hand was slightly larger than mine and his skin was smooth. He was considerably good-looking and had a nice build. His skin was smooth and you could see the definition of his muscle, but he wasn’t particularly muscular. Just fit. I watched him carefully as he got in the water. I watched how his wet hair stuck to his forehead and how the water dripped from his skin
(he is 5'9 and weighs 163 pounds and is 21)

Nature: He is highly motivated to protect the people he loves and that's his only goal in life really.He loves cooking and thats how he 'cares' for others. He can be pretty charming and comes off as very kind to the main character. But he is highly obsessive and could possibly suffer from borderline personality disorder to some extent.

Social: He claims to have 'un-named' friends but in reality he drives them away with his obsessive personality but he still appears normal to the public just seems to be anti-social. He was extremely close with his now deseaced mother. He despises his half sister and his father. And cherises the main character (aka cooks for him and does whatever he wants) He also volunteers at the hospital and is studying to become a nurse

History: His mother and father divorced when he was 2 and while growing up he had 0 contact with said father. His mother was loving and a great mother overall but suffered from depression and was still in love with his father. She eventually "unalived" herself when he was 9 and he was the one to find her the next morning. He then was sent to live with his father and his new wife and daughter (silvia). And they basically treated him like cinderella. His sister was the worst. He had a puppy (chesapeake bay retriever) and that was killed by said sister. His father and step mother did nothing about it. He moved out as soon as he could and lives off the money his mother left behind.

I would absolutely love if you took a look at either my main protag, Simon, or my main antag, Madeline. They're both pretty funky.

Oho! I'll take a look at your antag! I always love critiquing a good antagonist! @trainwreck404

• Overview:
• I have nothing to say here! This is usually exactly what I put in my own overview!

• Quick question though… Is her name pronounced in the English way or the French way with the long "i"?

• Looks:

• Everything you have here is pretty solid! The only thing I have to add is to give me details on her facial features! Nose, eyes, eyebrows, jaw, cheekbones, lips, teeth, chin, face shape!!!! I cannot stress this enough!!!

• Nature:
• For conditions, I have to ask, is she actually diagnosed with Narcissism? I don't mean to be That Guy, but narcissism is a legitimate disorder and criminalizing mental illnesses is Not It.
• Some good mannerisms you have!! Like I said in all of the ones above, I just need more. What are her mannerisms when sad, happy, angry, excited, frustrated, shocked, etc. There are so many emotions to range from and noting all of Madeline's mannerisms will surely give her character more depth and make her seem more human.
• What do you mean by her motivation "sheer power"? What does power mean? World domination, power over others, science and resources at her fingertips? This is such a vague motivation. There has to be more to it.

• I love the "similar character" category!! It's a neat feature to have. (I looked at your protag and saw that he was similar to Vax'ildan and that made me very happy alkdfj I just started watching Vox Machina)

• Social:
• For all of her favorites, I have to ask why? Why does she like chocolate covered strawberries, why is Peter her favorite possession, why does she like those colors so much?
• Does her Satanism come up anywhere else? Why does she worship Satan? Does it influence anything she does?
• She has a lot of enemies (and one friend aldfj) but what is her individual relationship with each of them? No two relationships are alike, even if most of her relations are enemies.

• The assorted headcanons is a fun addition!!!

• History:
• I don't have any sort of critique with what you have! It's all pretty good so far.

• I do wonder, what did she intend on majoring when she went to college?

• Heroics & Villainy:
• Oogh okay yes, her acts are certainly villainous, but I have to wonder if there's more. Something that would make her more of a supervillain that's a real threat to a system/country/society/other.
• Like, y'know, has she killed people, commited treason, evaded all of her taxes??? Something more?

• Why does the public think she's amazing once they've met her? Is it Madeline's charmspeak?

• Style:

• Everything here seems pretty good!! I don't have anything to say, really.

• Family:

• OKAY! So here, again, I would love it if you could elaborate on what her individual relationships with each of her family members/love interests is like. Any sort of memories she has? Any other relevant family members? Does her family play any sort of significance to the plot?

• Playlist Analysis:

• !!! holy crap i love this section so much!!! It's a lot of words so I'm just skimming through it, but I love how much of a grasp you have on all of the songs in her playlist and how they contribute to her character.

• Incorrect Quotes:
• aldkfj this section is so fun,,, I might consider putting them in my own character sheets.

I really do love what you have, but I do have a few final points of confusion/complaints:

• Specify her motivation more. What does it mean by sheer power? Why does she want sheer power?
• Don't villainize a mental illness. If you are going to include narcissism in her character, please do research on it and give her other damning flaws other than her illness.
• I noticed all of her enemies (with the acception of Ava) are either nonbinary or male. There's not anything wrong with this, but I do feel it could come off across wrong. There's nothing wrong with having (for the lack of a better term) a "sexualized" villain, but this could be a problem. I haven't looked at the rest of your characters, so I can't fully drive this critique home, but I think you should create other strong female-spectrum characters. Diversity!!
• There's also a lack of personality. I know vaguely who she is, but there's no wide-array of mannerisms nor an actual field dedicated to her personality for me to fully comprehend who she is.

Other than that, I think she looks good!!!

I would love if someone would look at one of my MCs, Akira : Akira

OKAY LET'S GO! @shadowstar31

• Overview:
• Under "gender" I would also consider putting his assigned gender at birth and pronouns!

• Other than that, the overview seems good!

• Looks:
• Oogh to start out with, 120 pounds is incredibly light for a 6ft male. The average is 160-195lbs
• Please, please, please there's hardly anything other than the bare bones here.
• Give me details like his eye shape, nose shape, posture, eyebrow arch, cheekbones, etc.

• There's so much to be expanded on here. To be honest, it's underwhelming and lacking.

• Nature:
• I have said it in other critiques and I'll say it again!!! Give me mannerisms for different emotions and actions!!! Please, this is how you bring characters to life!!!

• There's no clear section for personality here, making me guess who Akira is. Please create a section to describe Akira's personality so I can understand him further.

• Social:
• Okay, for Akira's favorites: Why are they his favorites? Fond memory with dango, a certain proficiency with the katana, a particular liking with the colors?

• Also, you can put his views on politics and religion in here!

• History:
• Please put something other than just a birthday here.
• I need a backstory, a description of his hometown, his family, some memories–anything.

• You mentioned that Akira is the Captain of the 1st Division of the Stormlight Order! How did Akira become the captain! What does he do!?

• Family:

• I'm glad you linked Akira's family! However, I know absolutely nothing about his family. I don't know what his relationship is like with them, nor do I know anything about his backstory.

• Powers:
• I don't know a lot about your magic/power system, so I can't really give a full critique here. Perhaps if you explained the powers more instead of expecting me/others to understand.

• Also, species? Is Akira not human? If he's not, you should preface that in your overview.

• Stats:
• What else do you have planned here? If Intelligence (which isn't even an equivalent to an IQ) is the only section under here, perhaps it would be better suited to go under "nature."

• Also! A 135 IQ is considered way above average. How does Akira use his above-average IQ in day-to-day life and in special occasions? Is he naturally this smart? Does he work hard to be intelligent?

• Fears:
• Okay cool this is a good topic to have! However, I feel it would fit better under the "Nature" or "Social" categories! Also, expand more on the idea of losing a loved one. Who is he most scared of losing? Why is he so scared of losing them? Does he have any more fears? Humans are complex and often don't have just one fear.

Overall, Akria feels entirely incomplete. I know nothing about him. Where are his motivations, his depth, his relationships, his mannerisms, his personality. I would work a lot more on developing him to give him a clear personality and motivation. I don't know if his character sheet is incomplete or if you just haven't given much thought into his character, but there's still so much farther to go. I don't think he's ready to be put into any stories anytime soon, especially if he's supposed to be the MC, but I know you have some good bones and you can only go up from here.

I would absolutely love if you took a look at either my main protag, Simon, or my main antag, Madeline. They're both pretty funky.

Oho! I'll take a look at your antag! I always love critiquing a good antagonist! @trainwreck404

• Overview:
• I have nothing to say here! This is usually exactly what I put in my own overview!

• Quick question though… Is her name pronounced in the English way or the French way with the long "i"?

• Looks:

• Everything you have here is pretty solid! The only thing I have to add is to give me details on her facial features! Nose, eyes, eyebrows, jaw, cheekbones, lips, teeth, chin, face shape!!!! I cannot stress this enough!!!

• Nature:
• For conditions, I have to ask, is she actually diagnosed with Narcissism? I don't mean to be That Guy, but narcissism is a legitimate disorder and criminalizing mental illnesses is Not It.
• Some good mannerisms you have!! Like I said in all of the ones above, I just need more. What are her mannerisms when sad, happy, angry, excited, frustrated, shocked, etc. There are so many emotions to range from and noting all of Madeline's mannerisms will surely give her character more depth and make her seem more human.
• What do you mean by her motivation "sheer power"? What does power mean? World domination, power over others, science and resources at her fingertips? This is such a vague motivation. There has to be more to it.

• I love the "similar character" category!! It's a neat feature to have. (I looked at your protag and saw that he was similar to Vax'ildan and that made me very happy alkdfj I just started watching Vox Machina)

• Social:
• For all of her favorites, I have to ask why? Why does she like chocolate covered strawberries, why is Peter her favorite possession, why does she like those colors so much?
• Does her Satanism come up anywhere else? Why does she worship Satan? Does it influence anything she does?
• She has a lot of enemies (and one friend aldfj) but what is her individual relationship with each of them? No two relationships are alike, even if most of her relations are enemies.

• The assorted headcanons is a fun addition!!!

• History:
• I don't have any sort of critique with what you have! It's all pretty good so far.

• I do wonder, what did she intend on majoring when she went to college?

• Heroics & Villainy:
• Oogh okay yes, her acts are certainly villainous, but I have to wonder if there's more. Something that would make her more of a supervillain that's a real threat to a system/country/society/other.
• Like, y'know, has she killed people, commited treason, evaded all of her taxes??? Something more?

• Why does the public think she's amazing once they've met her? Is it Madeline's charmspeak?

• Style:

• Everything here seems pretty good!! I don't have anything to say, really.

• Family:

• OKAY! So here, again, I would love it if you could elaborate on what her individual relationships with each of her family members/love interests is like. Any sort of memories she has? Any other relevant family members? Does her family play any sort of significance to the plot?

• Playlist Analysis:

• !!! holy crap i love this section so much!!! It's a lot of words so I'm just skimming through it, but I love how much of a grasp you have on all of the songs in her playlist and how they contribute to her character.

• Incorrect Quotes:
• aldkfj this section is so fun,,, I might consider putting them in my own character sheets.

I really do love what you have, but I do have a few final points of confusion/complaints:

• Specify her motivation more. What does it mean by sheer power? Why does she want sheer power?
• Don't villainize a mental illness. If you are going to include narcissism in her character, please do research on it and give her other damning flaws other than her illness.
• I noticed all of her enemies (with the acception of Ava) are either nonbinary or male. There's not anything wrong with this, but I do feel it could come off across wrong. There's nothing wrong with having (for the lack of a better term) a "sexualized" villain, but this could be a problem. I haven't looked at the rest of your characters, so I can't fully drive this critique home, but I think you should create other strong female-spectrum characters. Diversity!!
• There's also a lack of personality. I know vaguely who she is, but there's no wide-array of mannerisms nor an actual field dedicated to her personality for me to fully comprehend who she is.

Other than that, I think she looks good!!!

oh my god thank you so much! she is in fact diagnosed with NPD, but I do need to do more research, so thanks for calling me out on that. & I'll def go back through her file and fix some of the little things too! (edit: ALSO it is ma-de-line with a long i not ma-de-lyn with a short i)

the antagonist is my only one who's mostly done : Roraima

letsgo @alexistrexis

ooogh boy this is a long character sheet

Overview

• For "Other Names", where did she get the nicknames/who calls her those.
• Other than that, it looks pretty good!

Name:

• I don't really have anything to say here! Well done!
• Perhaps, does her name have any significance in her world? Does it mean anything in the languages of her world/hold any significance? Is she named after anyone?

Appearance:

• Good description of the hair, but I need to know the length.
• What do you mean by average?? There's really no such thing as average when describing looks. What do her eyes look like? Downturned, upturned, hooded, almond, round, monolid? There's so many different possibilities and none of them are considered "average."
• What is her weight? I also recommend including metric conversions for height/weight.
• Where are the burns on her face? Where is her beauty mark? Where are her piercings?
• The organization for this section kind of confuses me. I recommend putting height and build up top and then working your way down from the head to the feet.

Clothing:

• Not a lot to say here!
• Maybe just describe some of her outfits here!

Voice:

• Put a description of her voice in here. A laugh isn't enough to go off of.
• Does she speak more than one language? Does she have a slight accent of any sort?

Personality:

• Okay, earlier in the Overview you said that she was a villain, but there's not really anything in here that are damning enough to say that she's a villain.
• I need more descriptors for her personality. I need to know more about her. She's fiery and bold, but does she ever reign that in for bigger situations? Is she cocky? Does she have a sense of humor? Does she have a breaking point? Does she crack when angry? When scared? I just need more.

Preferences:

• You have her reasons for things being her favorite for a few of them, but I recommend expanding on why things are her favorite on all of them!
• Anymore likes and dislikes? You have plenty already but it never hurts to have more >:]
• Does she have any more fears? People are complex and often have plenty of different fears.

History:

• Does the Roman Calendar exist in this universe or is her birthday just for fun?
• You should probably link a page for Aradian if you have one. If not, you should at least describe it a little bit to give more information.
• I love the first memory field!!
• Small nitpick: did she grow up with private tutors or did she attend a school?
• Okay, who is Agaban? Why is she his puppet?
• What kind of repercussions did burning the Shyghaan palace bring?

Nature 1:

• Okay, there could easily be so many more flaws. They're exactly what bring characters to life and just One isn't good enough. Especially if she's going to be the villain of your story.
• Who Is Agaban?
• There could certainly be so many more secrets.

Nature 2:

• HELL YEAH I love seeing different emotion mannerisms.
• Good job!

Nature 3:

• You wouldn't have happened to read through my character template would you hehe asdlkfj they're just super similar!
• I love the mannerisms, I would just like more! How does she sit in different types of chairs, is she aggressive when fighting or more reserved, does she walk with a straight back?

Abilities:

• What do the levels mean? I could possibly just not be well-versed with the history of your universe adlkjf
• Is her skin just really bright naturally?
• Okay, there have to be at least a few more drawbacks. With magic that big, there has to be an equally big drawback.

Social 1:

• Woah, woah, woah– It's really not a good idea to describe fictional characters as the "Hitler" of their world. That could come off as crazy insensitive.
• Also, if she's a queen she needs to have at least some view on politics.

Social 2:

• A love interest would be the person she is married to.
• Please elaborate more on her different relationships with people!

Family:

• Same thing as above ^^ elaborate more on relationships

Relationships:

• Oh shit you have elaborated more on relationships!
• Just not all of them though. What about her father? That could be an interesting relationship to expand on.
• It's a lot of words right now, so I'm not going to read through all of the relationships section, but kudos to you for writing this much asldfkj
• I think it would be a good idea to combine "Social 2", "Family", and "Relationships" to cut down on having so many tabs.

Inventory:

• Describe her weapons a little more! What are their shapes, their material, any patterns, special handles, certain significance?
• Wait she can fly? Put that into Abilities.

Nothing really to say for Notes and Extra

Overall, my main critique is I want to know how is she the villain? Is it because she's possessed? If it's because of that, I think Agaban would be the villain, not her. But then again, I don't know your story so I could be entirely incorrect. She doesn't have enough damning traits to be considered a villain. I don't know who her enemies are (other than the prince of Shyghaan) and I have no idea who the protagonist is.