forum I'm writing a book- please check it out?

Started April 19, 2018 by @luvofpotter

tune

So I'm currently working on a novel, and I want to see if it's intriguing so far. I pretty much just want your honest feedback on my first chapter. It's published on WattPad under the title "A Midnight Wish"

If I do, can you please check out my book? It's titled 'End of Wonderland' on Wattpad

It's the one by Demiphoenix1125

Are you luvofpotter?

Yes, of course! And yes, my user is luvofpotter.

Thanks!

So I haven't read through everything, but I really like the idea. I'm pulled in by the plot. That being said, some of the dialogue is a bit choppy and robotic, which kind of distracts me from what's going on. Also, there are some grammar errors. In several spots, the wrong tense of a word was used. Additionally, there should be a paragraph break after each time a new person speaks. But still! I really like the story, and I plan to keep on reading it. :)

It's really good! I love the use of descriptive language and how unlike other Cinderella retellings, it doesn't make 'Cinderella' fall in love with the prince right away but try to hide it. Instead, Isabelle feels indifference. I also like how you made her have a "girly" passion. Most female-centered books these days try to be feminist, but also put down domestic activities