I know it’s missing details and stuff but I dunno how to fix it
Bianca walks into Starbucks, preparing to order her usual coffee. However, before she even fully got through the door, she trips on the carpet, landing on her face. Such a grace.
You could fix it by writing more if you keeping stopping and looking back over everything you write youll never get done.
im gonna have to disagree with the statement above me
I have to say that the few sentences are kind of bland. I would suggest describing the cafe and the rug she tripped on, maybe write how her body reacted to the fall ("Her hands and knees ached from where she landed on them… her nose hurt from the tip to the bridge, and she could feel a black eye forming…."). I understand actually stopping and looking back, because it is very hard to continue writing from something as minute as that.
I understand what you mean. I was a bit pretentious in the way I put that.
Also, just noticed this:
You switched to present tense when she tripped. An easy mistake. Also the phrase "before she even got fully through the door" is a bit wordy.
"before she even fully got through the door, she trips on the carpet, landing on her face."
It would flow better if you did something like this:
"before she even got through the door, she tripped on the carpet, landing on her face"
Another thing, what's the "such a grace" bit? Is this sequence being viewed by another character?
Ciao~
Yeah the "such a grace" thing kind of indicates a pause in the flow, so overall it's very difficult to hop off of.
Of course tense hopping is really common (pretentious pretentious) coming from me who literally did (and does, but I'm better with it) it all the time lol.
Thanks guys!