tori
Chapter 1
I feel as if I have nothing left. No one left for me to turn to. At least, not anymore. Somehow I've ended up in front of an orphanage. Actually not somehow, I know exactly how but that’s a story for another time. But, as I ease my way up the concrete steps of Silver Oak Orphanage I take one last look at the outside world, one last look at my freedom and my old life. I step through the old oak doors and am immediately consumed by muted light grey walls. Small lines of light slip through the drawn up shutters, does anybody actually live here?
This place is starting to scare me. I bet there are actually monsters that live in the basement or maybe the attic, if this place even has one. Who knows, maybe they all hide in the closets and under the beds on the main floors? The child services agent, Mark, ushers me forward toward a small office on the other side of the main lobby. The boards creak under my dark blue tennis shoes, and the whole building seems to groan as if it was annoyed that another kid was beginning their stay here. Inside a red haired lady is sitting at a desk barely big enough for an elementary school student.
“Mrs. Grayson?”She looks up from whatever form she was filling out and flashes an almost perfect smile. She stands and welcomes us into her office which is even smaller and more claustrophobic, now that I’m seated in one of the chairs with orange seat cushions that remind me of a sweet patato. Mark took a seat as well, seemingly unbothered by the dullness of the beige room and the lumpy, ruggedness of the seat cushions.
“So you must be Bethany and your coming to us from San Diego?” I nod, I’m not interested in having any conversation with her or anyone right now because the situation I’m in is definitely one I don’t want to be in. Too bad I have no other choice.
“Well, I’ll leave you two ladies to it.” Mark stands up and nods, I’m glad he’s finally gone. He was very crabby on the car ride over here, like he was appalled by the fact that he had to take a 10 year old to an orphanage. Well I don’t want to be here either so isn’t that just terrible for the both of us.
“Alrighty then, well I’m Mrs. Grayson and I run the orphanage with the help of my husband, Hudson. He isn’t here too much during the week because he has another job but usually on he takes the kids to the park on Saturdays, so I’m sure you’ll enjoy that.” I nod again, I’m trying to seem interested in what she’s saying because Mrs. Grayson seems like a real nice lady but, I’m more interested in finding out where I’m going to sleep tonight and the for rest of my life.
“I’m not used to being on my own, I normally have my dad and he used to hire a babysitter when he was at work or at dinner with his friends.” I looked up at her hoping she would understand my anxiousness of what was going to happen now that I live in an orphanage.
“Well you won’t be alone at all here, I think you’ll have a lot of fun with the other little girl, Kelli. She’s around your age, and I think you’ll get along quite nicely.”She flashed me a rather sweet smile, and it made me feel a little better, better than I felt in the past few days at least.
On our way upstairs to the sleeping quarters, she told me that she wants to adopt us but she doesn't have enough room for us in her house. She's already adopted 5 kids and had one of her own, if she doesn't have space I think she should buy the whole orphanage building and live here instead of her house. Mrs. Grayson told me that her husband was looking for a better job so that they can adopt another kid.
The girl sitting on the bed next to me says I don't need to worry, and that she'll be my friend. I've always thought I would get a dollhouse for my 10th birthday but instead I got sent here. I got sent here because my mom went to Alaska, but didn't come home. The last thing I remember is the babysitter being on the phone. She sounded very sad.
Kelli, the girl next to me, seems desperate for a friend so I decide to ask her why. She says she hasn't had a friend in years. The only friend she ever remembers having was a boy who used to live next door to her, Kelli said that he had blonde hair that looked like snow in the sun.The fact that she shared this with me makes me feel like we'll be friends forever.
Currently, we are bonding over our love of Barbie dolls and Tinkerbell. She said when she was little her mom bought her both Peter Pan movies. Kelli says she’s seen them at least 50 times but hasn’t watched them in a while because there aren’t a lot of movies in the TV room and they don’t go in there much. The reason being, according to Kelli, is that Mrs. Grayson doesn’t want our brains turning into mush.
Then, Kelli shows me her sketch book, and she shows me one the drawings of Tinkerbell she made a few months ago, before I got here.
"Look Bethany, this is the sketchbook my dad gave me for my third birthday just before he…nevermind.”She took a deep breath and continued, “I feel like it's the only thing I have left of him, I use it all the time so I don't feel so alone."
“I'm sorry that happened to you. I'll be here with you, so you won't be alone.”Kelli seems a little clingy, it’s probably because she’s been by herself for so long. I’m not saying I don't like her. I just need to get used to her.
Mrs. Grayson reminds me of my mom because she is nice, sweet, caring, and beautiful. It's nice to have someone like her around, maybe this place isn’t so bad after all. I don't think this place will ever replace home, but this is as close as it will get.
I want to check this place out on my own. The only problem what if Mrs. Grayson and Kelli they might ask questions or try to follow me. I wish I could find a way to give myself a self-tour of this place. I could find a place to call my own, like a secret hideout that's just for me. This would be good for when I need some alone time, everyone needs it at some point.
I have officially decided to learn more about the people here before I open up too much and let them in. I should know myself before everyone else does and I'm not even sure of who I am anymore.
Mrs. Grayson interrupts my thoughts and calls us into the dining hall for dinner. She made Kelli's favorite, meatloaf. Yeah, meatloaf is not my favorite, and I don't prefer it, but it's better than nothing.
“Bethany, are you alright?” Mrs. Grayson notices that I am a little confused and still just checking the place out. This place seems huge compared to my old 2 bedroom house. It’ll take some time getting used to this place.
“Yes, I'm fine, Mrs. Grayson.” I don't think she needs to know what I am thinking about the place, this room, or even her. This place seems so dull, all the walls are painted an off white color and there’s nothing on them. They’re completely naked. Maybe they’re like that, so they don't scare anyone, or maybe Mrs. Grayson is a bland person who likes classical music and doesn't paint the walls real colors. Who knows.
I eat dinner quickly so I can go adventure before everyone else finishes. This place is way too big for them to be able to find me that fast.
Almost immediately I find this small almost completely hidden door under the stairs, it reminds me of Harry Potter, and since it's empty I claim it as my hideaway. This will be perfect to have a pillow and a blanket in here for when I feel like I need to cry because I miss my parents. I can also put my poster on the wall to give it some life. Unlike the room where my bed is, this room is actually painted. A green so dark it’s almost black as the night sky. I kind of enjoy the little bit of color that this hideaways has, even though it’s so dark.I’m not sure how I’m going to bring my stuff here without Kelli noticing. That is my one challenge.
After I return to our bedroom Kelli goes on and on about how she hopes that we will be good friends. She wants to tell me about her childhood and her old room that had ponies on the walls. Even though I didn't say I wanted to hear her stories, she tells me anyway, I could care less about her old room. Once she goes to sleep I go and sneak off to my hide away room.
Mrs. Grayson lives upstairs and she told me to be careful of her Cat, whiskers, he likes to sneak down at night. I find whiskers in my hide away. Brother! I don't want them to know I'm up and where I found him. I could lie. No, lying is wrong.
I wonder what this room is for Is it a coat closet? Is it a regular closet? Is there even a difference between a coat closet and a regular closet? Or is it a place to keep important papers? (because you can't see it so it's easy to keep important things in here) Maybe she doesn't know it’s here. Maybe it was made for me?
I decide to put the cat outside of the room so no one notices that it’s missing, if anyone were to notice I might get caught. I don't want Mrs. Grayson to know that I'm still awake at this late hour.
I'll stay here for awhile and look around my hideaway, even though it’s not that big there are still a lot of boxes to look through. I find a journal in the back of the room. It has some cute writing on the front. It says love in gold. I open it and on the first page make out mom and dad from someone's messy writing. It smells like pine trees and old family vacations. I am not sure what to do with it yet.
Chapter 2
I finally go to bed and about 15 minutes later Mrs. Grayson wakes us up for breakfast. She made pancakes for us.
“Thank you for making pancakes Mrs.Grayson," I am a huge fan of pancakes. They are my comfort food. They make me so happy.
“No problem, I’m always here for you girls.” She is being extremely nice today. I anticipate somethings up maybe it's someone's birthday or it’s her anniversary. Maybe Mrs.Grayson is the nicest and the happiest person on earth.
“We are having a playground put in the backyard.” Mrs. Grayson thinks it will be good for us to have a reason to be outside more often. I think she is doing this for her kids and not for us, but she doesn't want us to be hurt by that.
Carla, Christian, Crystal, Caroline, Carter are the names of Mrs. Grayson's’ kids. I don't see them much, just when they are going to or coming home from school, and sometimes when they’re going to the park. When they come home, we are normally eating lunch.
What about my friends at school? Will they miss me? Will I ever go to school again? I ponder over the thought of them wondering what happened to me.
Kelli is the only friend I have now. She makes me feel very welcome It's nice and other times she gets on my nerves. It does remind me of my family, well what I remember of my family.
Since it's gloomy Mrs. Grayson made us hot chocolate. She can't give kids coffee, and she is not a huge fan of coffee herself. She makes it different than most people do. She mixes whip cream in with the mix before she puts in the milk and then put in the milk and adds more whip cream after.
They should be one there way back from the park. This is a normal routine. I should get used to it. I should have it logged, so I know. I mean I will probably memorize it.
“I hate you, life was better before you came here.” Carter! Every time I see him he says that to me. He’s been trying to one up me ever since I got here and it makes me feel worse every time. Mrs. Grayson doesn't see it. I have told her about it once and she said he was too sweet to say anything like that to anyone. She is completely clueless.
“That wouldn't be the first time I heard that.” He gave me a dirty look and was ready with a comeback. I’m definitely screwed now.
“Someday you’ll go far… and I hope you stay there.”I don’t even know what that means but I do know that I want to go to my hideaway. so I can have a little piece and quiet.
Why do I feel like nobody wants me here? Life, for them, was better without me. If I only knew how they all felt about me then I could figure out what's going on.
I hide in the room where my bed is so Carter won't see me. He reminds me of my old bully from school except for the fact that he's older than me and that he's a lot taller than me. Carter is my least favorite out of all the kids that Mrs. Grayson has. I wish that I could fight back and make him regret saying something to me.
I go to the kitchen and rinse my cup and put it in the dishwasher. The kitchen is a cute room small yet roomy and it's painted a rose petal pink. I think Mrs.Grayson likes to be in the kitchen it's her happy place in the orphanage. Where is she alone and just thinks without fear of someone walking in on her and seeing something?
“oh Bethany, you didn’t have to bring your cup to the kitchen I could have done that for you.” she makes me feel like I can’t do anything to help her the least bit like I did at home. I had to do some many things at home that not doing any chores or simple thing like that would drive me crazy. I feel helpless now. My dad wanted me to be an independent woman when I grow up so he made me do chores around the house.
“Mrs.Grayson, I like doing this kind of stuff. My dad always said it made a girl like more independent and that’s why he fell for my mom so he says.” she thinks I’m crazy for liking chores I like doing things for myself or just feel the need to because it made dad happy, either way, I want to continue doing it.
After talking about my dad I miss him so much more. I want to go in my closet and cry, but someone might see me going in there and get suspicious. I most afraid of Cater saying something to his mom. HE IS SUCH A JERK. I wish that I never had to meet him. I want to go back home where cater is not.
“do you want to play with the dolls Mrs. Grayson got me for Christmas?” Kelli asked. She is so sweet, and I am glad I met her she and Mrs. Grayson are the only reason I like being here. I wonder if the dolls are American girl dolls or more like barbie dolls my neighbors kid had.
“sure that sounds like fun!” I wonder if she can tell I’m sad or not. I mean I kinda tried to seem excited about dolls so she couldn’t. I guess I will find out. I hope she won’t act weird if she knows I’m sad.
Sometimes I feel as if I belong somewhere else and other times I feel like I belong here with Mrs. Grayson. I wish life was easy. I should let the whole thing with cater go for now. I think he doesn't like change as much as I do. We just need to get used to each other. It's pointless to let him get to me when he barely knows me. He must have had a good reason to say that to me, I mean he wouldn’t say something like that for no reason. There is a chance Cater is just trying to get in my head. I need think happy thoughts and get this out of my head for now.
In the middle of playing dolls, I heard Kelli sniffling. I looked up. Tears were pooling in her eyes and running down her face.
"Kelli," I said, "are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." But her voice broke.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I am so glad that she is okay. Wait, is she saying that to make me not worry about her? Now I am worried that I am not worrying about her when she might not be okay. I really hope that she is actually fine like she said she is.
