forum Free Character Critiques!!
Started by Deleted user
tune
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people_alt 62 followers

Deleted user

What the title says! Fair warning that I can be pretty ruthless, but I promise it's all constructive.

All I ask is you request one character at a time, although you're more than welcome to request another one after I've finished.

Deleted user

Bumping this 'cause I'm looking for something to do lol

Deleted user

Of course! Constructive criticism isn't just pointing out things that need fixing.

Right off the bat, I can tell you put a lot of effort into developing Collin. Some first impressions of mine:

  • You really went all out with covering your bases! Information like species, mannerisms, magic, etc. is super helpful as an outsider to understanding how your character ticks. The fact that you divided and conquered them in such an efficient manner really satisfies the perfectionist in me.
  • Collin's backstory is absolutely tragic, and you did a very good job of considering how it affects his personality and disposition. He reminds me of a character I used to have who went through some similar things, although I've since archived him for personal reasons.
  • Collin as a whole seems like a bit of a contradiction, which works spectacularly. No one person acts entirely one way, so to see his different responses according to the situation created a sense of realism.

In general:

  • I'd recommend proofreading for grammar if that kind of thing is important to you. The ever-changing case was mildly confusing at times, especially with words I was unfamiliar with (I was unsure if "Ahoge" was a name, for example, until googling the term). It also tends to make the profile look more professional, but once again that's up to personal preference.
  • How is he so wealthy? Did the money come from a relative?
  • I was left craving more detail concerning species and abilities. What do his wings look like? Are they constantly unfurled, or are they hidden from view? Is the angelic glow always active? Is it an actual glow, or more an expression of beauty? What about his healing? How does it activate? What are the limits or conditions? You mentioned something coming in different subtypes. What comes in different subtypes? Are the three you mentioned the only ones, or are there too many to list? What does he do if/when he's attracted to shiny things? Collect them? Steal them? Do lemons and limes automatically kill him no matter the dose, or is there a specific concentration that becomes harmful? I think you get my point. The same goes for details about his illusions or dream manipulation, as well as his diet. Your descriptions aren't bad, but they are lacking to a degree, especially when compared to the depth that you went into concerning his mannerisms and nature.
  • Same as the above point for the magic tab. Why are his virtue and vice so important? Is it a part of a magic system?
  • For mental illnesses, you listed PTSD and codependent tendencies as his only conditions. It seems to me that, after reading through his backstory from his perspective, he also deals with depression and anxiety. Both are symptoms of PTSD, but it might benefit the viewer to see those listed alongside it, as they are also two separate mental illnesses.

Deleted user

I'll get on these as soon as I can muster the energy! If I don't have at least one finished by Wednesday, by all means, remind me either through this or a dm (this goes for any bystanders who might see this—seriously, hold me accountable).

@AloeVera groupMentallyImInACottage

I'll get on these as soon as I can muster the energy! If I don't have at least one finished by Wednesday, by all means, remind me either through this or a dm (this goes for any bystanders who might see this—seriously, hold me accountable).

God I felt this anyway don't pressure yourself! I def understand the feeling and I'm very patient so you don't have to worry abt rushing yourself on my account