forum End of Wonderland- co-writing story. Please read and leave honest feedback!
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Deleted user

So I'm co-writing a story with someone else, alternating chapters. I'm evens, she's odds.
Summary:
"And in the end in Wonderland,
We both. Went. Mad."
-
The Queen Of Hearts wasn't cruel. She wasn't horrible. She was just a strict ruler who loved her kingdom enough to keep it safe with an iron grip.

"The gracious queen, our protector! She makes sure our children are safe from the dark. The flowers are blooming and the houses are built!" The people sang.

And then she made a mistake. A slip-up.
And even perfect Queens have enemies, so why wouldn't an imperfect one? Her enemies (the White Queen) saw the chance - snd struck. Within the week, a dead Queen and an empty throne. Chaos reigned and the darkness began to destroy Wonderlnad.

"The gracious queen, our protector! She was betrayed and now she's dead. The flowers are wilting and the houses are burning," the people cried.

The Second Generation White Rabbit remembers the tale that their dad told them- about Alice. They went to Alice, and pleaded for help. Alice agreed and they went to assemble a team, a strange team. Together they venture off to save not the world- but Wonderland.

Meanwhile, the White Queen's daughter, Ivory, leads a double life as the Princess, Heir to the Throne, and future 'White Queen', and a Merchant who sells beautiful items in the nearby towns in return for stories and news. The goods she sells are the ones she filched from the castle, and the payment she asks for is a result of the bubble her mother makes her live in, censoring much of the local news before it reaches her ears. Lonely and sick of her mother's rule, she plans an escape…

Deleted user

Chapter 1

The Queen of Hearts did not understand why people did not like her. Iracebeth knew she was not the easy person to get along with but her attention was not bad. Iracebeth feels like she was being misunderstood. People judge Iracebeth before getting to know her. Everyone loves Mirana the White Queen. Mirana was not a Saint. Mirana was not a bad person but she makes her share of mistakes. Iracebeth has always tried her best to please her parents but it was not good enough. Iracebeth was hard on people because she wants them to be stronger people and not weak. Iracebeth is wanting her people to be prepared for future war.

"I am doing my best to protect my people and their children. I do not understand why people are giving me a hard time. My people need to understand that our enemies could attack us at any time and we need to be prepared. My sister Mirana is a coward and our people follow her example. Mirana always has Alice fight our battles. Alice is not from here and this is not her battle," Iracebeth replied.

"I know your Highness. The people from the Wonderland should fight their own battles. I never did like Alice," Time replied. "I was not crazy about Alice, but I did not dislike her. I just think my sister should fight her own battles and be harder on people. I am just glad we do not have any problems and we are not at war. I still want to be prepared," Iracebeth replied. "I can understand why you are worry. Mirana is not fit to be queen. I do not know why your parents let her be queen," Time replied. I lost my temper. I did not mean to lose my temper, but everyone was laughing at me," Iracebeth replied. I am sure your sister was happy when you lose your temper. I do not like your sister because I do not trust her," Time replied. I do not trust my sister either,"

The Mirana the White Queen was talking to the Hatter and other people. I do not like that my sister Iracebeth was interfering with my plans," Mirana replied. Your Highness the Red Queen is trying to help. I believe she has changed. I do not understand why you are rejecting her help. Also, you and the Hatter are responsible for The Red Queen losing her place as the main queen. The Red Queen should rule Wonderland alone. I know you and the Hatter set The Red Queen up. I thought you were an honorable queen and I always thought The Red Queen was an evil queen. I was wrong you are evil and a coward. You have poor Alice fight your battles. You should be fighting for your people your highness. The Red Queen is right Alice should not be fighting our battles. I am leaving your service. I wish you well your highness," The White Rabbit replied.

After the White Rabbit left Mirana was angry. "We have to do something about Iracebeth because she is turning my people against me," Mirana replied. "I understand your worries but Iracebeth is not trying to overthrow you. Iracebeth is worry about future wars and I am worry too. I believe we were wrong what we did to Iracebeth," The Hatter replied. So, you are on Iracebeth side," Mirana replied. "Mirana, you know I am always loyal to you, but I can disagree with you from time to time," The Hatter replied. "I do not know why you are worry because we are not going into war," Mirana replied. I know that Mirana, but we still must be prepared just in case. We cannot let our guard down," The Hatter replied. "I am not worried about war," Mirana replied.

The White Rabbit was worry about The Red Queen. The White Rabbit knew that the White Queen was planning on killing The Red Queen. The White Rabbit must do something. The White Rabbit knew he must get Alice to help. Alice is only one person. The Rabbit knew that Alice has been successful in helping them, but the White Rabbit still need more help. The White Rabbit decided to go to Time for help. "Mr. Time, I need your help," The White Rabbit replied. "What can I help you with Mr. Rabbit?" Time replied. "I believe the White Queen is plotting against the Red Queen," The White Rabbit replied. "Do you have any proof that the White Queen is plotting against the Red Queen?" Time asks. "No, I would need to get Alice to help and find some more help. I do not know who else would help us," The White Rabbit replied.

"I think I know someone who could help. The person who could helps name is Fatima. Fatima has more power and authority than the White Queen and the Red Queen. I do not know where she is at right now, but I will look for her. You go get Alice and bring her back," Time replied. "I am hoping that Alice can talk to the White Queen and get those crazy ideas about killing her sister out of her head," The White Rabbit replied. "I hope I can find Fatima before it is too late. Is what you are saying is true and the White Queen is planning on Killing the Red Queen we are in trouble. The White Queen is a very weak ruler and someone worst could overthrow her," Time replied. "I know that what I am scared of," The White Rabbit replied.

Time was worry about what the White Rabbit have told him. Time must find Fatima because she is the only one who could help them. Time also hope that Alice could help them. Time never really trust the White Queen. Time always suspect and wonder why the White Queen send Alice to get the Chronosphere. Was the White Queen trying to get Chronosphere for herself.

Deleted user

Chapter 2

"Damn it, damn it, damn it," White Rabbit muttered, running frantically between the narrow alleys, past the messy graffiti of curse words and colorful murals, past the alley cats and dirty trash cans, past the dirty windows and buildings cramped together…

And right into the teenagers he was running from in the first place.

"Oh, look. Who do we have here?" the leader said mockingly, snatching White up by the hood of his red jacket. "Right. It's that little bunny wabbit who thought he could escape fwom us," he continued in a baby voice.

"Wh- White Rabbit, of the Imperial Court," White corrected as well as he could with the collar of his jacket strangling him. "Ow! Fuck! Pardon my language, but please put me down,"

The leader continued mercilessly bouncing him in the air. "Oh, look. The baby bunny can curse. Want to wash out his mouth with soap for me, Logan?"

A large teen covered in tattoos smiled menacingly, baring yellow teeth. "Gladly-"

"Hey! Bastards!" a girl's voice yelled. White fruitlessly struggled to turn around as best as he could, and was unexpectedly dropped on the cold ground.

Well, that jacket's ruined. Shame. And I had it imported especially from the silkworms, he thought, massaging his sore throat. "Let that little kid go! He's my property!" the same girl continued.

"Your property?" the leader said, confused.

"Your property?" Logan said menacingly.

"Little kid?!" White yelped. His form must be younger than he thought. "I'm not a kid!" He turned around to see a girl with dark brown skin and a battered hockey stick slung over her shoulder in a makeshift quiver.

"You private school shits can't even mug someone properly. Pathetic," she said.

Logan spat on her ratty gray hoodie, but the girl didn't even flinch. "Leave," he scowled.

"Come on… hand him over, or suffer the consequences," she said darkly. There was a moment of silence, then the girl burst into laughter. "Oh my God… you should have seen your faces. Did you really think I was going to kill you-"

"Kill her!" the leader yelled, recovering from his temporary shock. The two boys in the front charged forward, while the girl jumped on top of a Dumpster, pulling out her hockey stick.

"Alright, now I'll have to actually kill you," The girl jumped down, landing on top of one boy and whapping the other in the face with her stick. She stomped hard on the first boy's nose, causing an eruption of scarlet blood.

White watched in fascination as she hooked her leg on the second thug's leg and swept him to the ground, until he realized the he should probably run while those thugs were distracted.

He hid behind a trash can, trembling as he watched the girl finally be beaten when the leader grabbed her by her long locks, cuffing her hard on the head. She crumpled to the ground, blue hair tumbling around her.

The leader spat on her body, taking off her hoodie and throwing it aside. Suddenly, an evil grin came over his face. "Give me the knife," he said to one of his cronies.

"Jim…" one of them uneasily. "You're not going to actually kill her, are you?"

Jim scoffed. "Of course not. Just going to teach her a lesson… "

Bending down, he grabbed the vivid blue locks, and hacked them off carelessly, some parts half as long as before, others stopping right before her shoulders. "Let's go, guys," Jim said, casting a scornful look back at the girl.

"What about the kid?" Logan asked.

Jim shrugged. "He's probably at home already… you know how fast those little buggers are…" The echoes of their voices faded as they headed into another alley, and White ran towards the girl.

"Wake up, wake up! They might come again…" White paused as he looked closer to examine the girl's eyelids. He could have sworn that they fluttered slightly-

The girl's eyes shot open, and she socked him in the stomach. Hard. He staggered back a couple steps, then fell on the ground.

"Oh my God, I'm so, so sorry," the girl apologized profusely. "I thought you were one of…"

"Don't mention it," White coughed. "Thank you for saving me… or at the very least, trying to save me. White Rabbit the fourth, of the Imperial Court of White Queen Mirana,"

"Well, it's good to know that you haven't lost your imagination in that punch," the girl said dryly. "Call me… Sunny," She said the word hesitantly, and White caught a strong hint of day-old almonds in the air as her words wafted by on the breeze.

Bitterness and longing, hand in hand. White wondered what Sunny had gone through to make her words smell as intense as that.

Sunny suddenly felt the back of her hair, fingers traveling over the rough ends. "Wait, what the hell happened to my… Those assholes! I'll have to get them next time!"

White shook his head. "I can't go home. Not until I find the Warrior,"

She sighed. "Fair enough. Come on, kid, you must be starving," As if on cue, White's stomach growled loud enough to make any self-respecting jabberwock tremble.

Sunny strode down the alley, not bothering to slow down for White. "Where are you going… hey, wait for me!" he called, running to catch up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fire sent up small sparks into the starless night sky as Sunny threw her jagged locks into the center, her hair now in a wavy blue bob ending just right below her shoulders.

White stared into the dancing flames, mesmerized. "In Wonderland-" he started to say.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I've heard you say this about a dozen times by now." She switched to a mocking falsetto. "'In Wonderland, the air is cleaner, and it smells like lushberry trees! In Wonderland, having blue hair is a sign of mutiny against the queen! In Wonderland-'"

"I get it," White scowled. "Is there any food in this ungodly place?"

Sunny ducked into the ramshackle tent of waterproof cloth and pulled out a can of baked beans. "Put it near the fire. Wait for it to heat up, grab it with the mitt, and bang it on the wall until you dent it. Capiche?"

White took the can hesitantly, turning it around and around in his hand. "How do I even know if I could trust you? Is Sunny even your real name?"

Sunny's eyes gleamed dangerously, and for a second, it looked like she was debating hitting him with her hockey stick. Then she sighed and mumbled something indecipherable, fidgeting with the laces of her black combat boots.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" White asked, confused.

She looked up. "Alice. My name is Alice,"