Yo if anyone wants to send me a link to their characters I'd love to give them a look. No guarantees I can get to every single one (I am a very tired person who doesn't have access to the web most of the day), but I'll certainly try. ^^;
(also, a shoutout to @Celestial-B for their thread over on the character board that's also super helpful. that's some dedication right there, man)
@childoftheuniverse Hudson's a good name! Why is he also called gunner, what other nicknames does he have, and what does he introduce himself as? He's also dangerously underweight, even for being smaller framed! He should be anywhere between ~140 to ~170, though I would at least just add ten pounds so he doesn't look like a skeleton with skin. ^^;
How long is his hair on the top? Long enough to pull a Skrillex look, or just long enough to get in his eyes? Where did his dad get the hat? Where did he get the scar from - an old accident, something stupid he did, or something else? What does his metallic eye look like? Is it like a normal prosthetic or is it fully metal? (How does it not tear up the inside of the socket??) What about his missing parents motivates him? Is he worried for them? Scared? Give him some feelings!
Does he resent the people on the upper level? Is he jealous of them? Would he consider himself a coward? How did he learn to read? You have his politics as him not understand them - what confuses him about it? Does he have any strong opinions on where he is and his situation? Does he want it to get better? How does he like the clock shop he works in? What sort of food can he afford - the bare minimum, a little above, a little below? Does he often go hungry?
You have him avoiding people and living as a hermit, but also mention him being in a lot of fights. Why is he getting in them? Does he try to avoid it, or is he a bit bloodthirsty about it? It's great that he's got some pretty strong morals even despite living on the street and by himself for most of his life - where did he learn them? At four, his parents, while definitely having an influence, wouldn't have that much impact on him when it comes to higher concepts like that. Children really don't get a sense for how things affect others until a bit older, though there's always exceptions.
Overall, I think he definitely has potential, but give him some emotions! Let him be angry at the world, or jealous, or upset - or even happy. Hope some of this helps!
Thank you soooo much… I would answer all of your questions here but I dont think thats what you want so :P
lol if you want to you can! I tend to ask a lot of questions as I read through to help flesh out the characters ^^;
Ok!!
He is called Gunner because the guy he works for noticed that his hat is a Gunner hat, which is what his dad was before he went missing. A gunner is exactly what it sounds like.
He introduces himself as Hudson but only when people ask. I actually did mistype on the weight I'm sorry about that I'll fix it ASAP…that is super underweight tho…
His hair is just long enough to get into his eyes. He doesn't remember where the scar is from, he's just always had it…I may or may not reveal it later in the story…We shall see…
I haven't really finished the science behind his eye yet…I'm actually looking into that now…If it's too complicated I'll probably just scrap it.
He's actually wanting to find his parents eventually, but he has to wait until he becomes a certain age to move freely, which is why he is so isolated. If he were to be found without parents at his age he would be thrown into a gang or workforce or whatever.
He is jealous of the upper-level people, but he won't ever admit it. He just holds resentment for them because he believes that they are the reason his parents went missing. One of his biggest internal conflicts is deciding whether he is a coward or not.
His mother taught him to read. He is confused about why there are upper-levels and lower-levels, and why there is discrimination between the two.
He loves his job, it allows him to work with his hands which is easy for him to do. He is able to afford the bare minimum, but because of his lack of involvement with the gangs, he does go hungry, I wouldn't say frequently but i wouldn't day rarely either. maybe occasionally. idk.
I'm thinking of making his age of abandonment a little older, but I just didn't want him to be school age yet. Considering the fact I can actually change the school age I'll probably make him older.
I hope I answered your questions!! Thanks for the help!! :)
That's awesome, and you're welcome! ^^ (And let me know if you work out that science behind his eye because I'm super curious.)
I will!!
I haven't elaborate much yet–this character is my central protagonist, and he is basically in the baby stage of my mind so far. ANY tips at all or questions would be so welcome.
@@SlightlyZazzedPanda I would love to, but it seems they're on private!
Oh! I did not even realise… I'll make it un-private (if I know how…)
Should be public now…
That is definitely a mouthful of a name! Does he introduce himself with the full name, just Bahaim, or Haim? How did he get the nickname Destroyer? Who calls him that? His weight's on the low end for his height, especially with him being athletic and muscular. Folks his height tend to clock in at almost 80kg to 98kg at an average, so he's probably going to be about 80.5-83kg if you're going for a realistic weight. How long is his hair, and what sort of style does he keep it in? Does he pointedly not style it? Why is his hair an identifying trait - is it unusual where he's from? Why is his smile unintentionally sultry - is it crooked, does he have nice lips, does he smile like he knows you? Details!
His mannerisms, motivations, and flaws look rather good, but could stand to use a bit more detail that isn't as -
I don't really know how I'd describe it. Clinical-sounding? It sounds detached from the character himself, give him some emotions! How much does he love Nedeia - why does he love them? Why does he want to prevent the extinctions? Does he have any nervous habits? How does he fidget? Does he talk with his hands? Does he scowl when talking to everyone? His personality type is a bit contradictory, as well. How shy is he - painfully? If so, put that under flaws! Under what circumstances does he become fearless, when he's performing magic? What does he think of being a Wielder? What does he think about magic? How soft-hearted is he? Would he forgive an enemy for trying to kill him instead of killing them? What does he have a soft spot for - orphans, small animals, sob stories, etc.? Does he try to avoid being tough when he can?
Does he follow the One Religion closely? Is he only passingly familiar with it? Is he a zealot? He has to have an occupation! You mentioned in another page that he's a Wielder - that counts! Is he used to going without food and therefore isn't picky as to what he gets his hands on? Or is he just genuinely not picky when it comes to food? Would he eat lutefisk? Tofu? Squid? What does Chonti Varenne mean to him - why is the red bell his favourite possession? Why is a mockaninny his favourite animal?
His education could use some more meat, too. What does an Otianin education entail? Also, his background needs faaaar more detail than that! What has he been doing with his life before the story starts? How does he feel about Yitazak? (And I think the word you're looking for there is 'adoptive', not 'adopted'.)
Overall, it's a start! But I feel like you have a bunch of names for locations and characters without putting any emotion behind them. And Haim definitely needs a bit more detail else he feels like he'd turn out to be a generic 'farm boy saves the world' type fantasy protagonist that's all too common in fantasy literature. Hope some of this helps!
Thank you @FantaPop, this is really helpful! I will go and change some of my stuff now…
Would you still critique my character if I didnt have a ref for her? I could describe her I guess.
@NikaNika It's easier to critique a character when they have an easily accessible page with prompts to fill out, but I can give it a try!
Okai, I managed to piece together a quick ref sheet for my Main OC Kura but idk if the link works so here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1758tRYUSzh0T8I6J0lmHslZjBeA4zA8GrzwGd09CXh0/edit
It works, I just don't have permission to view it!
How about this?: Kura Shitto
@NikaNika
Looks good to me! First off, I love all the artwork that's attached to her gallery - super cute! You do seem to have several of the same images in there, however. Where did she get all her nicknames from, and does she introduce herself as any of them over her name? Her weight to height ratio looks good - congrats! I don't see much of that here ^^. You describe her hair as chocolate coloured - are you going for milk or dark chocolate? For her skin tone, pale but tan is sort of a contradiction. Maybe lightly tanned would work better? Also, her identifying traits: you only have her birthmark listed, but from the art I can see she also has ears and tails! I would definitely list them here, along with any other information you can think of. Does she have freckles or moles anywhere? Old scars from her childhood?
Her mannerisms need more information. You only have that she hums a lot, but does she rock on her toes while she does it? How does she speak - with her hands, or her whole body? Softly - Loudly? How does she hold herself when she's not talking? Does she fidget when she's bored or nervous? How? Why are her friends and Kynzz her motivations? Does she want something out of life - if so, what? Her flaws also need some more meat. What part of her personality does she not like to show to people? What lengths would she go to for Kynzz and her friends? How shy is she?
Give that girl some prejudices, too! What sort of people does she dislike - rude ones, ones who disrespect her friends, mean ones, etc.? Everyone has them, even if they'd rather not admit it. You mention that she plays piano and ukulele, how good is she at them? Would they be considered one of her talents as well? Is she super good at listening to other people? Or always sees the best in them? Why does she hate talking about her parents? You also put that she doesn't care for politics, but where does she stand on policies like queer rights, gun control, abortion, etc.? Most teens are super opinionated about everything, not just politics. You also list her occupation as none - is she a student? What is she doing with her life? I would ask why her favourite food is ramen, but I already know the answer to that question lmao. Why is her necklace her favourite possession? Is she proficient with swords - can she pick up and skillfully use a zweihander or kodachi? If so, write that under talents!
Gasp! Her history page is bare! How well is she educated, if she went to high school was it in a well-off neighbourhood or in one of the poorer ones? Did she retain most of what she was taught - did she seek out knowledge on her own? Did she breeze by and have everything go in one ear and out the other? What's her backstory? Why is she a kitsune, how does she get on with others of her species? How many tails has she earned? What was she doing before the start of the story? Details, details!
Overall, I think she's a pretty cute character with a lot of potential, but don't be afraid to take your time to fill out the sections available to you on this site! Or, if you have stuff about her that doesn't fit in any of them, create new categories! Good luck, and hoped this gave you a few things to think about! ^^
Yay, thank you! If you don't mind I will attempt to answer your questions! Kura was born with the name Danika, (Where she gets Nika and Dani) but changed her name to Kura once her parents had died to distract herself. She only introduces herself as Danika when in a very serious situation, otherwise being introduced as Kura. And uh thank you, I had to look it up to see if it was okay. And between milk chocolate and dark chocolate, it's more milk chocolate. Yes, lightly tanned is better thanks. She has a few circle scars on her thighs from a dog attack when she was 10-ish.
She rocks when she stands, doing nothing, but taps her foot when she hums. She fidgets by chewing her hair. She mostly talks with few hand motions, unless what she's saying is being exaggerated. She would honestly take a bullet for Kynzz, her being her only family and all. She doesn't like showing her angry side-the one who yells and threatens- so nobody thinks she's always mean. If you are a stranger to Kura she won't start up a conversation unless A.You ask her something or B. You talk about something she's passionate about in front of her.
She disliked hypocrites, anyone who directly or indirectly lies to her. She is mediocre at Ukulele and piano, only able to play a few songs. She always tries to see the best in people, even if they try to hurt her. She doesn't like speaking of her parents because it always angers and saddens her when people talk about how wonderful their parents are since she doesn't remember anything about her parents. She highly supports queer rights (Ya know, her being Bi and all) but has little to no knowledge about gun control and abortion stuff. She is, in fact, a student but at a school for the un normal since she's afraid of being taken to a lab so they can look at her ears and tails. Her necklace (and her sisters identical one) were going to be their mom's gift to them for their 15th birthdays, but they were given them earlier by a family friend after her death. Only certain swords "appeal" to her, she is used to using swords that are wider or longer. If she finds a sword to her liking-watch out!
As I've said she went to a more hidden school but was taught what anyone would be taught in high school, she was a top student in most classes. During summer she often likes to test what she's learned so she doesn't fail next years' classes. She excelled in math but struggled a lot in History/Social Studies. But she managed to get decent grades there. My friend (Owner of Kynzz) and I still have to come up with a good backstory for Kura and Kynzz, since their stories are intertwined. For example, Kynzz and Kura were only best friends until they were 14 and found out they were sisters. She has earned herself 9 tails but decided to stop there because it's a hassle always having them.
I hope this answered most of your questions, and thank you! Is it okay if in some time I have you critique her again after I add to her story?
