forum Critique{s} Wanted!

Started June 28, 2018 by Deleted user

tune

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Hey fam!
It'd be great if a few people could critique my four main characters and one supporting character. Do them all, do one, do two. . . I don't care!

I'll do a character or two!

Hey yo I can do one!

EVERYONE HERE IS SO NICE!

They're public on my account, so could u check them there? My device is weird about linking. . .

Alright, I'm checking out Aurora and Songbird.

I'm doing Noel

!!!

Okay, they're pretty good! There's just a few things.
Aurora

Looks: You're good here! The only thing I have to say is that eyebrows and eyelashes are a given, so you wouldn't need to put those in facial hair. (It refers more to beards and that kind of thing)

Nature: I understand she's a background character, but I'm going to pick on her just a bit. You have nothing in her personality, and her mannerisms aren't really mannerisms. Also, what are her hobbies? Prejudices? Flaws?

Social: You're good here, but I'm a bit surprised she doesn't have a weapon.

History: No background?

Songbird

Looks: This area's pretty sound. Is her hair a natural bright orange, or is it dyed? Again with the eyelashes and eyebrows, it's fine, but they're a given unless otherwise said. (Also, Caucasian isn't a race)

Nature: Her mannerisms are alright, but people tend to have more then two. What about when she's mad? Sad? Tired? Her personality is more of a trait. How is she around people she dislikes? Or likes? What about when she's by herself? Is she introverted or extroverted? She needs more then one flaw, too.

Social: Does she have any friends? (Again, I surprised there's no weapon. It doesn't have to be fancy, just what she uses to defend herself)

History: I would expect a main character to have a background. Is she new in town? Are her parents together?

Hope this helped!

I feel like I owe you an explanation now 😁
I get the facial hair thing, but at one point someone shaves off their eyebrows {don't ask}, so I have to keep track of that. My book is set in a high school. . . Are you till surprised she doesn't have a weapon {no offense, I meant that humourously}. It says "Caucasian" because my friend and I have a joke about that 😁

Sorry, I always feel like when people point out my errors, they're judging me and I must explain and redeem myself 😁. You're a great critique, thanks so much, I'll definitely have to call upon you again sometime! You gave me a lot of ideas of things to elaborate on.
Thanks!

No problem!
Weapon doesn't even have to be a technical 'weapon' just whatever they use in a tight spot (Like car keys, or the heavy backpack!)
Since you have someone shave off their eyebrows, I understand why you put that down.

Yea. . .
😁

Thanks again, seriously. I appreciate it 😁

My pleasure!

insert more excessive use of the '😁' emoji here