forum Critique my villain!

Started February 07, 2018 by @Celestial-B

tune

I hope she's Villain-y enough lol.

Let me just say: she has so. much. potential. Her appearance, name, and mannerisms are all spot on! Good job. However, once we get into motivations, things start to get…shaky. I know you want to make her super villainous, but she was once a human. She's got to have some positive traits and something outside of villainy. Her flaws, prejudices, and talents are very good, but hobbies and personality type are just…so lukewarm. Not necessarily terrible or anything, just…she doesn't feel real anymore. No one becomes that villainous for no reason! She needs something she loves or a better motivation or something. maybe say that the gods who exiled her caused her to snap because they killed her old family. maybe they took away the only mortal she loved or something! Also, if she still loves the animals she used to protect, why would she kill entire species of them? the worst way to create a villain is to say "oh she just went insane". like she has SO much going for her that she could be the perfect villain if you just went one step further. She went insane because the gods did this to her, or this happened, or something. Not just randomly.

I know it probably feels like i'm just repeating myself, but I love this character so much. I just really want her to be a more believable and relatable villain. Even the worst villains have good qualities and something they love.

Overall if you choose not to alter her at all, she'd still be an incredible villain. But I think she'd be wayyy more amazing if you considered my suggestions. Good job and good luck!

@writelikeyourerunningoutoftime Ahh thank you so much for the tips! And now that you mention it I see the problem lol. I did write this like ten minutes ago and didn't even read through it cos I was so exited to post it lol. I'll go ahead and fix her right now!

Alright I fixed her! Hope someone will look at her now and see if there is any more problems!

I love what you changed!!! You did it better than I could have imagined. You made her relatable and understandable without justifying her actions. Great work!

She seems like a pretty intriguing villain! One thing, though: Her listed flaws seem more like talents than weaknesses, and I don't see weaknesses listed anywhere else. Give her some shortcomings, and she'll be a more believable character.