forum Critique My Short Horror Story?
Started by @Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused
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@Hey_Its_Snowy_And_Im_Generally_Confused

I wrote this in 6th grade, so I can’t guarantee good quality…

Casey’s thunderous laugh echoed through the woods. “Hurry up, slowpoke!” She sprinted past bushes and shrubbery right to the center of a clearing. Leaves crunched under her feet and wind whistled past the nearly bare limbs of trees. Sidney sighed, plugging her nose and trudging ahead.
   
 “It stinks like old rotten leaves in here! To be honest with you Casey, I’m not really feeling up to this tonight.” Sidney complained as she brushed back her long red hair and took a nervous glance around. While Casey was having the time of her life, Sidney was starting to regret coming to the supposedly haunted woods, and on Halloween of all nights! Before she could tell Casey that they really should head back to their neighborhood, Sidney lost sight of her. She heaved out yet another sigh. “Ugh! Wait up. I can’t see a single friggin’ thing, and I’m holding a camera!” A thick fog had pervaded the forest. Moonlight filtered through the branches overhead. Panting, Sidney finally caught up to Casey. They both started giggling, and Sidney raised the video camera.

Casey fixed her hair and cleared her throat. She turned away from Sidney and whispered, “Ok, start the video.” Sidney pressed record and waited for Casey to start talking. “So! We are here tonight to debunk the legend of… the hide-behind!” Sidney rolled her eyes. Ignoring her, Casey continued. “Yeah, supposedly it’s like this humanoid creature thingy, with pale skin, hollow eyes, and, like, super long limbs. Legend has it, the hide-behind can kill you in the blink of an eye. The trick is, you can never see it, because it’s hiding somewhere, watching you. She started to walk around the forest. As Sidney held the camera to follow her, a strong gust of wind abruptly knocked it out of her hands.

“Sid! Be careful.” Casey stuck out her tongue and burst into laughter. Sidney lightly chuckled, picking it back up. After she got the camera to focus again, she noticed that Casey’s eyes grew wide, and she had started to back away.

Sidney frowned. “Casey?” She cautiously asked. There wasn’t a response. “Hey, I know you’re just messing with me.” Sidney joked, but she wasn’t too sure. Gulping, she turned around slowly. Almost too slowly, like that dumb character in a cheesy horror flick. Sid stood her ground and looked around, panicked. She didn’t see anything but trees stretching out for miles. Casey once again began to snicker, then she fell to the ground, clutching her sides. Sidney clenched her fists and narrowed her eyes. “Casey I swear to Go-“ She turned around to face nothingness.

Something rustled behind her. Sid whirled around, trying to fixate on the noise. She called out, “Um, this isn’t really funny anymore. Casey?” Sid broke out in a cold sweat. Her heart thumped in her chest and the musty scent of the woods began to clog her lungs. With her voice shaking, Sidney spoke one more time. “I-I think I’m going to leave now. Please hurry back… God, I should’ve just gone trick-or-treating.” Without any further hesitation, Sid turned on her heels and ran.

 Her legs pounded against the rough grass. Sid hopped over logs and dodged trees. Her ears were filled with the sound of blood pumping. She had to stop for breath, and took a quick glance towards the clearing she ran from, which was now far away. She paused for a second too long. A sharp crack above caused her to sprint again, but she ran into something with a thud that knocked her to the ground. She tried to catch herself, but hit her head on a rock. Pain shot up her wrists. Blood trickled from her temple. Rubbing her face, Sidney looked up to see what had caused her fall. The horror that her eyes lay upon caused her to gag and choke out a sob simultaneously. It was Casey. Dead.

 A thick rope was wrapped around her neck, and her lifeless body was dangling from a nearby branch. There were several long scratches along her arms and legs. Sidney whimpered and backed away. She had no choice but to abandon the body and get away from whatever did it, but she couldn’t help but stare. Casey’s dead eyes seem to bore into Sid’s soul, and for a split second, she could’ve sworn that her hand twitched. Shaking her head, Sidney started to hurry out of there, something stopped her. She sharply inhaled. Her jaw trembling, Sid saw, out of the corner of her eye, a hand on her shoulder. It smelled as horrible as the forest it was in. The pale flesh was half rotted away, exposing white bone. Thin veins protruded from its wrists like thread. The worst parts were the claws digging into her shoulders. Sharp, grimy and unsettlingly long, they released for just a second, and gave Sidney a chance to escape. She tore through shrubbery while tears streaked down her face. This time, Sidney didn’t dare look back.

 The next day, Sidney had decided to stay home from school. She spent the whole day in her bedroom trying to get it through her mind that Casey was gone. After dinner, she finally went downstairs and opened the front door. Her mom noticed, and was curious.

 “Sweetie? Are you okay?” Her mom asked concerningly. Sidney sighed.

 “Yeah, mom. I’m just going to take Flash on a walk. I think I need some fresh air.” She had her dog on a leash with her. Sidney left the house and began walking down her block. She shivered as a cold breeze penetrated her jacket. Sidney pulled up the collar and kept walking. She didn’t see it, but a tall, menacing shadow followed close behind her.