I do this a lot for other people so I think it'd be nice to have someone else do it to me as a change! I've posted these guys on here before but it was a while ago but i'm doin' it agian lol. If you find anything wrong with them tell me! I often miss my own stuff a lot more than I miss other's. Most of these I did quite a while ago when I was 'inexperienced and didn't know what I was doing' heh
(tbh there is probably a lot, I can't even with my own characters lol)
Lilly- Lillith Melbourne
Grant- Grant Mendel
Trinity- Trinity Connell
Payton- Payton Stewart
Michael- Michael Johnston
Matthew- Matthew Johnston
I couldn't look at Grant's I think it's on private. The rest of the characters are really well thought out and I love how even though the twins are identical they have very different personalities. Yeah, they are all really good and just based on the characters I want to read whatever you write about them.
I love all of Lilly's nicknames omg. She looks fairly well put together on top of that, but her skin tone seems sort of odd to me? You say it's pretty light but not ghostly - is it glowing with health? More of a porcelain colour? Is she ashamed of her scars? Does she cover them up so she doesn't have to look at them? The 'Loneliness terrifies' bit in her motivations definitely hit me pretty hard - she seems like such a sweet girl. How much does she depend on her friends - emotionally, physically, mentally, etc.? That could definitely put a strain on their relationship. Her education could stand to have a little more meat in it. How is she doing in school, which grade is she in? (I'm assuming they were somewhere in america before they were sent to the other universe, since you mention high school?) Was she an all a's student or someone prone to boredom for being smart? You could also mention how she's doing in the new universe as well! All in all, I love her and want to protect her.
Like @BookNerd said, Grant's on private. :(
For Trinity, what does she introduce herself as - her actual name, a nickname that stems from it, or a nickname that is completely different? What colour brown is her hair? Her scar is a really neat touch, though, I love that it implies she was running across fields - probably at night - as a kid. Her mannerisms could also use a bit more meat in it - how does she stand? How does she talk? Does she have any fidgets aside from playing with her hair or were they discouraged? Is being polite more of a motivation than being nice for her? Her politics section could use a bit more, as well. Most teenagers I know are pretty politically motivated, even if it's just to shoot down views they don't agree with. For her background, does she resent the friend's father for surviving? Does she feel guilty about it? I love her as a character, but she feels far more like a background character than a protagonist at the point she's at now.
(i'll get to the other three in a sec, but i gotta take a mo' to breathe ^^; )
I think I've done Payton before, and I gotta say, he's looking a lot better! A few things, though: How long is his hair, exactly? Is it naturally curly, or does he curl it himself? His mannerisms could use a bit more detail. Does he fidget? Does he keep himself from fidgeting? Does he just not have the energy to? As for his motivations, depression is an illness that affects everyone differently! I'm glad to see he's coping with it rather well. ^^ Other than that he sounds like a prickly but good-hearted kid, and I'd love to see what you do with him.
And I think I've done the twins as well? Still love them, and I'm glad to see them again! (Michael has my favourite prejudice I've ever seen on this site, still.) Matthew must be pretty psyched to be thrown into another universe, huh? It's everything he's read about ^^
Overall, I love all your characters to pieces and I'd love to see them interact with each other and play off their strengths and weaknesses in a group! Here's to hoping my rambling helps a bit!!
@BookNerd Thanks! I'm really glad you like them!
And I think i've fixed Grant now!
@FantaPop Tysm for the tips.. again! I'm so glad you like Lilly! And I've felt the exact same way about Trinity. She feels more like a background character than a main one and idk what to do about it because I love her so much and I can't just throw her away y'know? Again, thanks for looking over them for me! It honestly helps me so much!
