forum Critique for an excerpt please?
Started by LiteraturePhantom
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LiteraturePhantom

She stood there, an expression of silent horror on her pale face. Taking a shaky step back, as if to get away from the truth she had uncovered, she asked in a faint voice,

"Why? Why would you cover up something, so, so significant?."

Her mother smiled, and though it looked regal, it betrayed the weight of all her lies.

"I did it to protect you dear," she answered in a soft and comforting voice,"your innocence, your soul, from the dark truth of your people." As well meant as the words were supposed to be, they did nothing to calm the girl. Her mother, the one person she had trusted with all her deepest, darkest secrets, had hidden her own identity.

Adelaide had now regained her composure, and stood tall, every bit the warrior she was intended to have been. With a disbelieving and hollow chuckle, she replied,

"And to everyone else, I’m the liar. The fraud. One who cannot be trusted, for none of her words are ever meant. Honestly your highness, did you actually think keeping certain things from me will enable you to conceal the past? You knew that it would hurt when I found out. And yet, you kept lying, kept playing a game, to prove what? That my kind don’t belong anywhere. That we don’t know how to keep peace. That we have never been, nor will we ever be, trusted enough, liked enough, to actually function as somewhat normal people. And it’s our fault, for not belonging in a place that never agreed to accept us. And when we finally build up our power to create our own safe haven, all of you, the Fair Folk, come and tell us that we cannot hold so much power and must be stopped. You caused a war among us, destroying a whole race because you were too afraid of the power and magic we held, turning the one person who dared to tell the truth in front of those too powerful for her into a child and feeding her lies, only to come clean when your dignity is at risk. And you blame me for not speaking my mind, when you punished me for the same, bloody thing a few thousand years ago!"

The queen only stared in silence, as the young mage poured forth every bit of frustration in her voice, panting as she finished speaking. All around the court, voices were heard, murmuring their own opinions. One particularly daring man tried to voice his own belief, but the queen put up her hand, silencing him.

"Tell me child, is it too hard to come to terms with the fact that your people-"

" ‘My people’, have a name. Please use it, instead of referring to them like they aren’t of your own making," she stated in a cold voice.

"-the ‘Anomalies’," The queen continued, with poorly concealed distaste in her tone," were creatures borne of an accident. They were of neither Light nor Dark. There was no reason to let them grow powerful with their delusions of ever achieving a standing in all of the multiverse as both the Fair Folk and Dark Ones."

Adelaide snorted slightly at that. "And you’re supposed to be above petty prejudices," She stated, though there was some amusement to her voice.

@thehobbit

I love it! I would read all of this. that being said, it was a little confusing, it being an excerpt and not knowing who the characters are, but I really like it. I like the voice of both characters, I like the tone. I don't know if there is anything I don't like, other than the fact that there isn't more of it to read.
oh, second to last paragraph: its born not borne… that's it. That's all I can find to say.