forum Critique chapter 3 of my story
Started by Another
tune

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Another

6-12-16 11:02 AM. Sunday.

Paul stepped out of the van and marched up the driveway. Jessica opens the sliding door and hopped out, Richard made a comment about waiting there as the two of them reached the front door. Richard pulled out of the driveway and drove away. Paul wiped beads of sweat off his forehead.

“Is Logan home?” Jessica asked as the two of them stepped up to the front door.

“He should be,” Paul knocked on the door. “He doesn’t go anywhere.” They waited in silence for a few moments before the door opened. Logan’s mother was standing in the doorway, she was a skinny woman. Her head was shaved, Paul hesitated before speaking. “Mrs. Dreel, your hair?” She ran a hand across her scalp quietly and shrugged.

“Trying something new,” she said dryly.

“Looks good,” Paul commented. Logan’s mother was unimpressed.

“Come in,” she moved from the door, walking to her desk in the living room. Paul walked into the house, sighing as he felt the light cold air. Jessica followed behind him, closing the door, silent. Logan’s grandmother, Jannada, called out to Paul from the nearby dinner table. She was in her wheelchair, setting aside an old magazine.

“Will you get me a soda?” Jannada requested. Paul nodded, heading into the kitchen. Jessica introduced herself to Jannada as Paul grabbed one of her grapefruit sodas from the fridge.

“What happened to your legs?” The soda nearly slipped out of Paul’s hand as Jessica spoke up. Jannada scratched her chin, humming quietly. Paul relaxed, Jannada probably hadn’t heard Jessica’s stupid question. Paul smacked Jessica over the head.

“How rude can you be?” Paul hissed.

“It was almost 50 years go.” Jannada turned to the two kids. “My parents and I had just moved into this town. They didn’t like our kind there.”

“What did they do?” Jessica urged. Paul gave Jannada her soda.

“Ignore her, she’s dense.” Paul said, taking the soda back and popping it open for her.

“I’m sorry,” Jessica insisted. “I was curious.”

“They hacked them off with an ax.” Jannada said abruptly.
“Oh my god,” Paul wasn’t sure how to respond, the entire situation had come out of nowhere. Jessica apologized again. Paul ended the conversation, quickly and politely as he possibly could. The entire situation made him uncomfortable.

6-12-16 11:13 AM. Sunday.

Paul punched Logan’s door, no response.

“Ow,” Paul rubbed his knuckles.

“Is he not home?” Jessica asked. Paul has forgotten she was there, leaning against the next door down the hallway.

“He’s there,” Paul twisted the doorknob and pushed the door in. The door opened a slither but stopped, something was blocking it. Paul pushed his face against the small opening. The room was dark except for one light, Logan’s computer. Paul pushed on the door again, forcing it further. Logan was sitting at a desk playing a game on his computer. “Logan!” Paul rammed his side against the door, gaining more space. He slipped his forearm through the space, feeling around the wall.

“What are you doing?” Jessica moved to the door, trying to look past Paul.

“I’m trying to reach the light switch,” Paul pulled his arm back. “I can’t get my arm all the way in.”

“Let me try,” Paul moved from the door and Jessica pressed herself against it. Paul watched her squirm around, grunting for a few moments before he heard a click. The light turned on. A screech came from the room.

“Told you he was there.” The two of them listened to Logan scramble around for a few moments before the door swung open. Logan was shirtless, shivering as he buttoned his pants.

“What are you doing here?” Logan asked.

“I need your printer,” Paul dug a paper from his pocket and showed it to Logan. Logan frowned,

“I’m not wearing my glasses, what do you want me to do here.”

“Its an invitation to a camp,” Paul explained. “It has two tickets attached to it, one for me and one for Crystal. I need a copy of it for Jessica.”

“Who’s Crystal?” Logan backed away from the door, making his messy room visible.

“My sister, dingus.” Paul pushed past Logan and walked into the room. Logan stood aside as Jessica followed Paul.