forum Critiqe my Story

Started July 04, 2018 by barabara

tune

It would be great if someone were to critique my background story for my character named Rie. Here's the link; https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gCbrO_-ZUEnFnXXc8Tt077IBnMuocsQaxgoHFqQ_uTI/edit?usp=sharing

Wow you have a great writing style, (you do use say blood and tears a lot though, it may make you sound edgier than you wanted to come off as). Anyway though, going into it cold like I did it's a bit hard to grasp the world, I understand that you character in such a moment probably won't take to elaborate who the king or the goddess are (well you do explain the goddess eventually), or what exactly Rie is training for or what's the deal with the cloaks, you kinda throw the audience in the deep end before you tell them how to swim. But if this is the way you story starts you may want to toss you readers an intro line of Rie setting up a tiny bit of framework, even if it's one of those 'This was the day my life changed' etc and so on type of lines. You have some great lines and dramatic moments, you write like a reader. So…..yeah, good start

Thank you so much!

Ha no problem, I have to say when I first saw the document was 12 pages I was shook and was about to close it out, but I'm glad I didn't.

Hello! I would first like to state that your writing style is very nice, and it seems to fit well with the type of story you are attempting to write. The only thing I would say is that, even though it is quite exciting to come up with fun names for the characters and places, try not to over complicate things by attempting to make them too unique. Sometimes simpler is better, and often the reader will get too caught up in trying to pronounce things correctly rather than actually paying attention to important detail that the story has to offer. Other than that though, this is an amazing start. I would really like to read more once you get it finished!

Thank you!