Hi, ya’ll!
I’m new here so I don’t really know if this is how ya’ll do things here, but hold on, I’ll learn eventually :)
I was just wondering if ya’ll please read a bit of my first chapter to see if I should stop and start over or if it’s alright, and as the title says, I would like the hard, honest truth, I’ll appreciate anything y’all have to say.
First off, I know my grammar and spelling need work, you can point that out if you want it will still help. If you read a weird part and don’t understand what’s going on, I’d appreciate it if you point that out as well, Thanks.
Here is the link:
I would like to know if my dialogue keeps the story going or is it boring?
Did I do 'show don't tell' and if not, where does it need work?
Is my content good and if not, where does it need work?
Do I explain things well, or should I go more in-depth?
Thanks!
I'd love to read it and give you answers, but it says it's not open for others to edit. :/
Do you know if you could put in a google doc or fixing the sharing settings? If you could, I'd be happy to read :D
Is there a way you could edit on here? If so would you mind telling me how?
Thanks!
Open your document and go to the "About" in the corner and press "Share" and it should give you some options. I hope that helps :D
Thank you.
I put it on "public" and copied the URL link just in case.
If that didn't work here is the Google
Enjoy!
(1) Your dialogue is great! Your writing is very open and grabs the reader's attention, but I don't think "bored" is the problem. In the beginning, it feels a bit confusing for a moment, and I had to read over a few times to get it. So maybe smoothing and explaining a bit more could help! You can still make it a smooth read without loosing your mysterious, ominous feel. But overall, it was very good and intriguing.
(2) There are a few instances such as "he stared, unseeingly". Describe how he stares off into a distance without focus and the next sentence fits perfectly with the feel of the waves.
"hurt stabbing deep into his heart." Describe how this FEELS. The pain and heaviness in his chest, as he feels perhaps sick or upset.
I'm sure I missed a few, but there wasn't many that struck out to me, because the writing overall is very smooth.
(3) Yes! I'm REALLY interested, and want to know more about Devaughn. Your words made me feel emotion when reading about Ladios and his feelings toward Devaughn's death.
(4) I basically answered this in #1. Oops.
I hoped this helped! I wish you lick on your story in the future!
Yes, the beginning is kind of hard to follow, I'll work on it to make it more smooth.
Thank's a tone!! It was surely appreciated!
I really like this! Though, it's a bit hard to understand, but I've read a lot of books that start like that. Again, this is really good!
Thanks for your input!
Do you mind telling me which parts were hard to understand? I'm trying to make it enjoyable for all ages :D
@Stone_King_2931, well I'm wondering who Devaughn is for one. Like, is he just Ladios's best friend? Also…are they fighting Hell or something? Again, I've read a lot of books where it doesn't explain anything in the first chapter, and I think this is still an AMAZING book!
@Grace, I'm glad you find it interesting!
Yes, DeVaughn is a close friend of Ladios, and no, they are not fighting Hell, there just trying to survive the demons. Later, Ladios leaves the island and goes on the "real" adventure.
Again, thanks for your input!
@Stone_King_2931, you're welcome! I can't wait for more chapters!….if you're going to put them on here.
@Grace, hmm…..I never thought about putting up more chapters, but I will if you're interested :D
