forum Could anyone critique a character?
Started by Rory
tune

people_alt 40 followers

@Rach

i think (idk i havent read the story) that i would have a hard time forgiving her if she does mellow out. other than that, good!

@Wry_Wyvern

Looks:

  • Where's her weight?
  • If she has an eating disorder, it will show in different ways than just her being too skinny; she would also probably have an unhealthy-looking complexion.

Nature:

  • She's motivated by power, but why does she want it? Is it making up for something she thinks she should have had? Does she plan on doing something specific with it? Does she think she needs it to protect herself? And how far exactly would she go to get it?
  • So this entire Alpha Bitch thing is just a front to hide her Feelings™? I get where she's coming from; she's trying to gain social power, but I honestly don't know anyone who became popular or even powerful at all by being this much of a bitch. I think you can probably dial back her harshness a little, and you'll get basically the same effect at the beginning, but it'll be a lot more believable, and a lot easier to like her later (I assume that's what you're going for).
  • Her priorities in life are being popular, powerful, and successful, and she takes an elitist approach to life, but is still "a good leader when it comes down to it"? I'm sorry, but I can't understand how that's true. She may be good at taking charge when necessary, and she may be good at giving orders and getting things done, but no one's going to look up to her, and she won't stay in power for very long.
  • So, she was raised in a place where a lot of emphasis was placed on appearance. Usually, when people talk about appearances it's not just about physical looks but also about how you present yourself and how other people see you. It's more likely that she was raised to be nice and polite, although not necessarily by example- being punished for talking back or breaking a rule could have caused her to be even more outspoken and bitchy at school and change her demeanor completely when at home (speaking from personal experience here). It's also possible that she was raised to be confident and simply took it too far. I would tweak that a bit, depending on what kind of home/family you want her to have.

Social:

  • "Religion is no longer mainstream, so she doesn't really care." What does that mean? Is she atheist? Was she raised in a religion but she doesn't practice it? Even though she might not think it's worth her time, does she think about it at all? If asked about her religious beliefs, what would she say?

History:

  • What is this "one particularly humiliating ordeal"?
  • Why was the Queen Bee's father threatening a lawsuit? What did Cece do to her?
  • Is bounty hunting a physically demanding job? If so, her eating disorder would probably get in the way of her performing well. (Same thing for karate, which was mentioned earlier.)

Overall, Cece is fleshed out well and seems to have an interesting personality, which I think is the most important thing for any character; she just needs a few minor changes and she'll be good to go. Well done!