forum Characters Critique

Started February 05, 2018 by @Lightningclaw13 group

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I'd really appreciate some critique on my characters! Thank you in advance!

I also wouldn't mind some critique on these characters as well!

Notes on Jasmine: Okay, so I first noticed that she dyed the tips of her hair purple, and she's 35 years old. Typically people who dye their hair unnatural colors are younger people, in their pre-teen and teenage years. There's nothing wrong with a grown woman dying her hair purple, it's just not typical of somebody her age (especially when it's just the tips of it), so please keep it in mind. Also, what do you mean by her skin tone is medium? Medium dark? Medium light? Medium tan? What is the right splotch on her eye from? Also, her motivations are a bit (general??? broad? Idk the word for it) and should be more personal. Each person has a back story, and we all have our own personal experiences and relationships that motivate us. Why does she really care about the good being of the world? Maybe it's because somebody close to her passed away or left her life, and they wanted her to be a good person? Also, for her flaws, you say that she keeps a lot of secrets but opens up to people very quickly. That's a bit contradicting. I like her prejudice, it makes her a bit more human. Also, hypermobility is…. sort of a talent I guess? But I bet that's not all she can do. What other hobbies does she have? Most people don't have just one hobby. I like writing, but I also like cooking, singing, dancing, playing video games, drawing, solving biology problems and figuring out pedigrees (I'm a nerd, okay?), and programming. Hobbies should also include things that aren't common to most people, especially is Jasmine is the main character. It sets her apart from everybody else. I really like her backstory, it's very well developed. Overall, you did a very nice job on developing this character. There were just a few gaps. Good job, though! :)

@Jensenbear Thank you! Fixing it right now!

Okay so now for Hunter. One thing I noticed is that his hair is dark black, but just so you're aware, no hair is 100% black. It would have an undertone (like black hair with very faint red, brown, or blue undertones). Also, I feel like your character could have a few more identifying marks (like freckles or scars) that set him apart a little bit more. Also, why is his motivation his family's safety? It seems like a pretty solid character motivation, you just need to elaborate a bit more. His flaws and prejudices are very realistic. I think he has too few hobbies (sort of like your other character, Jasmine. Keep in mind that people have several hobbies when you're developing characters). Also, his character is pretty stereotypical when it comes to the farmer part. Favorite food is corn and his favorite weapon is a pitchfork (which isn't exactly the best weapon). I can understand the horse part, there are lots of people besides farmers who love horses, but it still makes him pretty stereotypical. Also, in your backstory, Hunter's father seemed to be a pretty angry and somewhat abusive person. Later you state that his brother started dating a boy. Does this mean his brother is gay/bisexual? How did his parents take that? Were they okay with it, or did it cause lots of tension and arguments? Other than that, solid backstory. Also, I see that in his sexuality he is panromantic. Did he come out to his family about that? Did he ever date a boy romantically?

And that's about it. I hope this helped!

@Jensenbear Thank you again! Fixed some things and as for some others, I'm still writing the story he's from so either it'll be explained there or I'll go back and write in the reason.

No problem! If you still want me to critique any characters, let me know :)

@Jensenbear You can critique as many of my characters as you want! You don't have to, only if you want to. =D

I'd love to! I just wanted to make sure you still wanted me to (some people get upset because they see my critiques as too harsh, but I'm not trying to be mean or upset the writer)

@Jensenbear You're critiques are great! They help me a ton. I honestly don't get upset about critiques, I know they're supposed to help, not harm.

That's good lol. But if I ever say something too harsh let me know.

So here's one for Cole: 130 lbs is pretty light for somebody that's 5'7". Also, I noticed that a consistent motivation for your characters is safety for friends and family. While that can be a strong motivation, it can makes things sort bland due to the repetitiveness. Motivation for each character in your story should have at least a slight difference, especially if they're an important character. Also, he's seventeen but only has about a middle school education? Does education take longer in your story? If so, you could probably elaborate on that a bit. (Also he's demisexual that's awesome). And that's it for Cole. He's a pretty well developed character, I really like him. And I'd love to read about the relationship that develops between him and Dakota, you've actually got me pretty interested there.

For Ayana: I calculated her BMI, and she's very much underweight, like, dangerously underweight. She would have to be at least 50 lbs to have a normal BMI. A BMI of 21-24 would be healthiest, which would put her at about 60 lbs, give or take. Also, for her motivation, you say she wants to help reunite her family, but at the same time she thinks all dads are bad people? I'm a bit confused. (nevermind I understood once I read the backstory) Also, her favorite food being all foods is a bit unrealistic. There has to be something she doesn't like. I like all foods, except for eggplants. I truly believe that all eggplants should be burned. Also, she's a young girl who already completed elementary school, but Cole is 17 and hasn't completed high school? Also a bit confusing. It seems like there's either inconsistency with how the schools work or one of them dropped out/got held back and I just didn't know it. Also for your backstory I was very much lost when it said that Dustin "threw up against a wall". I assume you meant threw her up against a wall? If not, then why is he throwing up on a wall??? Also the ending for that backstory left me wanting to know what the hell happened??? Now I'm interested, which is a good thing. Also, if she has PTSD, it would be a good idea to mention in her backstory and personality that she has constant nightmares or flashbacks. People with PTSD often have those, along with anxiety/panic attacks. Other than that, it's an amazing character! She seems so pure and sweet, and deserved way better than what she lived through with her father. Good job!

Dakota: YES NON BINARY REPRESENTATION I AM VERY MUCH PLEASED WITH THAT! Also, they/she (I'm just going to call them they) has the same haircut as me lol. I saw that their skin tone is listed as white, but what's the undertone of it? Is it cool toned or warm toned? Also, the scars on their thighs probably shouldn't be the only identifying marks considering that they're wearing pants so they wouldn't really be visible all of the time. An identifying mark should be something that tells the reader/one of the other characters "This is Dakota" with out actually saying Dakota's name. Also, the motivation again is the same as most of the other character motivations. I'd sort of like to see something different? (and don't be afraid to give a character a flawed or selfish motivation. Nobody is perfect.) Also, again with the education. They're only one year younger than Cole, who is high school age, but has only completed elementary school? It's a little bit confusing. Also, the level of education can really say a lot about what social and problem solving skills a person might have. Somebody who has only the equivalent of elementary school education most likely wouldn't be an expert at socializing or problem solving, no mater how old they are. But that's all for that character.

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Note: If Dakota and Cole don't get married I think I might die I stg

Also, please send me any writing you have on this story (if you're comfortable with it). I'd love to read it! You got me interested in the characters, so I read about the universe, and I'm hooked!

@Jensenbear Thank you again! As for the education, here's an extremely rough outline: All classes learn the elementary level because they are taught by their parents (Lasts until 5th grade) {4-11 years old}
All classes can learn the middle school level (Lasts until 8th grade) {11-14 years old}
The middle and high class can learn the high school level (Lasts until 12th grade) {14-18 years old}
The high class can learn the college level
As for the characters
Cole: Fixed his weight and motivation
Ayana: Fixed her weight and favorite food. I ALSO FIXED THAT STUPID YET FUNNY TYPO
Dakota: Fixed her skin tone, identifying mark and motivation
I can't wait to finish the story (even though I have a LONG way to go) and then put it into a comic. Some bad things may happen ;)

As for other characters, here are 2