forum Character and plot

Started July 15, 2018 by @Sugar-Lover

tune

Please review my plot and characters

A theater kid, Juliana, who is known on the stage, but not so much off it. Juliana or Jules has a best friend, Jack, since she was six. Jack, or Jackson, has been through thick and thin with her. The greatest example would be when she was eight her mom died, and when she was eleven her dad happily remarried. Jack is also a theater kid who is extremely geeky. One time while onstage, Joshua – Juliana's long time crush – notices her beauty onstage and asks her out, with Jack being unknowingly. They go out a couple of times as friends, they start to spend more time together, which comes with the affect of her spending less time with Jack. The lack of time spent between the best friends causes Jack to come across his feelings towards Jules. As he planes to tell her about his feelings, Jules and Joshua kiss. Jules rushes to tell her best friend, this is her first kiss. Jack manages to confess before she can speak, startled she agrees she has the same feelings toward him. As she thinks about the topic she realizes she has actually had the same feelings toward him. Confused she no longer knows which boy screams love louder in her head.

Sometime later Juliana gets into a car accident, ends up in the hospital unconscious. She wakes up, still very unstable. Sadly she dies while still in the hospital unable to recover. Jackson and Joshua both realize that they weren't truly in love with Jules but instead in love with each other. The fall in love, wishing they had found this out before Juliana had died, so she could have gotten a true chance at love.

If you are confused about the love triangle

Juliana nickname is Gem

So basically while during a school play Joshua noticed Gem and Jack acting onstage, he noticed how they were interacting with each other. He got jealous of them and all he knew was he wanted those two to be separated. He thought his feelings were that he liked Jules and wanted Jack away from her, but instead it was the other way around.

With the lack of time spent between Jack and Gem, Jack feels jealous of how much time is being spent between Joshua and Jules. He feels he likes Jules, instead he likes Joshua.

After Jules dies they both realize they have the same feelings even after shes gone, and that the feelings were meant for each other and not her.

Juliana- Charlotte Holly
Jackson- Jackson Coletti
Joshua- Myles Weston

You can't seem to decide wether you want to call Juliana Jules or Gem lol
Juliana is simple enough maybe too simple. One little thing in Looks is you describe her as thin but she weighs 130lbs and is 5'5 maybe down her weight a bit so she sounds more realistic.

Her mannerisms could use more detail aside from just describing what she does when she meets someone, which is a little weird. she twirls her finger every single time? Yeesh

Reading counts as a talent? shouldnt it just be a hobby? also she doesnt do anything else?
Social is fine

Her background needs more, less focus on the rest of her family and more focus on her, well its pretty fine anyway lol

I just realized its a love triangle. AAAAAA jk lol

Jacksonnn. lol. He is really small, like wow. Glasses…. arent an identifying mark…. are they?

He is so determined to split up Joshua and Jules its on par with his want to graduate? whoa dude

Also he is the perfect guy? a big contradiction I want to point out; You describe him as "nervous about everything and stutters" but somehow he is a great actor? Also putting all the hobbies as talents is a little lazy.

Okay one more thing, he was at an acting camp when he was 6? how. Also why is Joshua a love interest, not that im against the gay love or anything it just seems out of nowhere, I thought he wanted to get the two of them apart not bang both of them lol.

Joshuaa seems simple enough.quite generic but sure

Uhhhhh. Hmm. Okay, so you'd posted this thread like, a lot, and I've skimmed it before, but today I decided to read through it. The plot is, eh, unique. However, having Juliana die, and then her love interests get together, is highly unusual. It would presumably take Jack quite a while to get over Juliana, considering they've known each other since they were six. He wouldn't just move on to her boyfriend, who I'm guessing he hated, that quickly. It just feels off. I feel like if you had Juliana not die, and instead realize she didn't like either boy (which would be an awesome twist) and start to play matchmaker for the two of them. Or something along those lines. I don't know that killing her is the best way to form a love story.

Two small, small nitpicks that just have me shaking my head. Why do all of their names start with a J?? Why does Juliana have two nicknames?

My critique honestly sounds so negative let me reiterate here: The plot idea is hilarious and unique and really cool.
Have you seen that meme where it's like jazz music stops
That's how i felt when I saw that Juliana dies
It just felt so odd for a lighthearted romance tbh