I have finally written the first chapter of my book! It took a few hours of thinking and writing, but it's finally done (kind of). I would really appreciate peoples thoughts and ideas for how to improve this. https://www.notebook.ai/documents/106630
Hi!
To begin with I would like to say I really like it so far. This is my type of fantasy :)
For some reason the beginning of the chapter (the first three chapters or so) seem a bit forced. Maybe you could play around with it or try to rewrite them on a separate document. The first sentence also needs some improvement.
However, as the chapter progresses I start to like it more and more. I'm not an expert, but to me it seems like you start to play around with the sentence structures and lengths more, which makes it sound better and more advanced.
As I said, I'm nowhere near to being an expert so don't feel forced to take my advise and don't forget to ask others for it too.
Good luck!
Thank you for your feedback! I completely agree with the first sentence thing, as that is usually the first thing people see. I could probably take out that first sentence and make the second one the first.
Also if you don't mind me asking, where in the chapter did it start interesting you?
I started liking it around the part when Marc starts talking to David. Of course, this is my personal opinion, and it might differ in others' points of view.
Thank you