forum Cave and Kingdom Critique? Pleeeeeaaaase??? Chp. 1
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@soupnana group

Chapter 1
Maia

The clang of battle rang from below. Maia watched from upon a wide stone garden atop a cliff. The palace stood behind her, its magnificent marble walls gleaming pristinely. In the valley where the city stood, war was raging. Men and women screamed, either from the thrill of the fight, or from terror.
Maia’s brow was furrowed with worry and frustration. She had been queen for no longer than a month and already war was at her door, and there was little she could do to stop it. The Sylferie had come armed with highly advanced weapons, that even the most battle-ready warrior could not evade. Flying ships made of steel, and long batons that crackled with electric energy. Maia would not say her army’s weaponry was primitive, just less advanced. Their swords of fire barley making a dent in the enemy’s sleek armor. The Sylferian electrical lances, however, could shock and kill any of the armored warriors in their metal plated armor with a single touch. Maia’s frown deepened as she saw her knights taking off their armor, leaving only thin leather tunics to protect themselves.
“They’re going to be slaughtered…” Maia said under her breath, blinking back tears of stress, anxiety, and most of all, fear. She had no idea what would become of her kingdom when they lost, which she was certain they would.
Looking up, she turned to the captain of the guard. “Tell them to retreat. Evacuate the city if we can. There is no way to win this war.”
The guard stiffened, but nodded curtly and saluted Maia, before turning to go deliver the mes-sage.
Maia turned back towards the battle, but before she could immerse herself in examination, she heard a muffled cry and a clatter. The sound of footsteps. She glanced behind her, and before Maia could react, an explosion threw her backwards, tossing her against a low stone wall around the cliff garden. Maia’s left arm, still full of momentum, hit the corner of the low wall. Hard. There was a crack, and Maia’s arm went numb.
A ringing sound filled Maia’s ears, and she groaned, trying to move an arm over her aching head. Pain shot through every fiber of Maia’s body and she gasped with the shock of it, her eyes flying open. Vision swimming, Maia saw a dark figure through the dust and fire moving closer to her. The figure stooped down, revealing a helmeted head. A golden helmeted head.
Maia tried her best to move away from the Sylferian soldier, but her attempts were feeble, and she fell back to the ground. A low chuckle emanated from the soldier, but Maia couldn’t distin-guish if it was male or female.
As her vision solidified, Maia could see the soldier reaching to their helmet, moving to take it off. But before the soldier could complete their task, a sword covered in fire protruded from their chest, before being yanked back out and letting the Sylferian fall to the ground, dead.
One of Maia’s guard was standing there, looking shocked as he stared at his weapon and then to the fallen soldier. He was young, with bleach blonde hair and a strong, athletic build. If Maia remembered correctly, this was the newest member of her guard, and her newest heartache. Sure, he was around twenty-two while she was fifteen, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little crush on him.
A loud boom echoed through the cliff garden, and Maia forgot about her teenage romance and began thinking about the issue at hand. War. Right.
The guard, also known as Dawn, stooped down and lifted Maia into his arms gingerly, being sure not to hurt her injured arm, which turned out to be broken. Badly. Maia could see Dawn try-ing his best not to look at the awkward bend in the middle of her left forearm, and if he did catch sight of the horrible break, he’d turn pale and instantly look away.
Maia ignored this particular tick and could only seem to focus on Dawn’s strong arms holding her. She felt safe. Protected.
The feeling was short-lived. Dawn set her down on a soft bed of grass, before unsheathing his sword, ready to hold off any enemies. Maia looked up and saw that she was at the realm gate, a hundred portals swirled or sparkled around her. Getting to her feet as best she could, holding her agonizing arm, Maia turned to Dawn to ask why they were here, of all places. He seemed to under-stand what Maia was thinking, calling to her, “Get out of here! This is no place for a queen.”
As Maia moved to leave the realm gate, Dawn shook his head and pointed at the many portals. “I mean, this planet is no place for a queen. Get out of here before-”
Dawn was cut off short by a metal spear on a chain, shooting from nowhere and spearing him right through the stomach. Dawn screamed as the spear pulled him backward out of sight, and the whiplash caused his back to break awfully. Maia could hear Dawn die along with his scream of pain.
Maia clasped her good hand over her mouth to keep herself from crying out, and stepped back-ward, away from the place where Dawn had just stood. No… no, no, NO! Maia’s own mind was screeching at her, as if that could bring Dawn back, bring all the soldiers back, and stop this blood-bath.
Hurried footsteps came from the realm gate entrance. Maia began to panic. She was queen! She couldn’t just abandon her people. That’d be worse than dying along with them, she knew that. But she was just a girl! A teenager who was still trying to figure out this whole “ruling everyone” thing. She had never done this before, and her training had barely prepared her for what being queen was really like. Not to mention the fact that the Sylferie had killed Maia’s parents and left a carefree girl to carry the weight of a whole kingdom, and a war.
The panic sank in, deep, and Maia could not suppress the tears as she stepped towards the near-est portal of a reddish-brown color. No! Don’t leave them, they are your people! Maia’s heart was telling her to stay back and die along with the rest of the Aquix, but her mind was screaming at her to leave and get away from danger as quick as possible.
As the first Sylferian soldier came into view, Maia glanced around, grabbing the realm-staff that leaned on the portal’s edge and gripped it close to her as she stepped through the portal, letting the nothingness of realm jumping take over her aching mind and body.