This is an excerpt from a story I'm writing. Can ya'll critique it? Granted, however, it does need a little more detail in some parts of it.
Warning: it is a little bit on the romantic side
PS this is what I have so far for the main character Samara (or Sammi as Azar calls her)
I did notice that your tense switched back and forth between past-tense and present-tense, but your storyline is engaging and interesting!
Do you think you could point those spots out? Other than in dialogue. Because well, it's dialogue. I've always had trouble with finding those spots…
Oh yeah, sure! "I felt myself curl in a little bit because for a while, we secretly courted each other. Such things aren’t accepted in the royal court but neither am I so I thought, 'Screw it'" is one example. "Felt" and "courted" are past tense, and "aren't" and "am" are present tense.
Ahhhh… Thank you! I can definitely see that now.
No problem! I've been editing my friends' stories for… a very long time now, so I can totally understand the struggle.