forum Can ya'll critiqe my story?
Started by @garden0f3den group
tune

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@garden0f3den group

It's an original story and I've only had close friends look at it so… Here it is

As I dashed through the trees, I could hear the voices of the soldiers getting quieter, and their footsteps becoming muffled. I smiled. My green and earth tone colored clothes and satchel blended well with the area. The tall evergreen trees and thick brush made it hard to find me, with my thin, agile body. The only thing that could ever give me away was my auburn-red hair. It was dark enough sometimes to blend with the bark of some trees if you weren’t looking that hard. But out here, nobody missed any detail. At least not to the place I was going.

We are all outcasts. We’re chased by the humans all our existence, wanted for our blood and its special properties. So far in all of our history, there has never once been a “good” human. Until my father. He was a human, and the only one we have ever trusted. He fell in love with my mother, and they had me and my mother died in process. My father was entrusted with me. The princess of the Sylph. A half breed. An outcast.

Thank Pan that my mother was the youngest of the ten children of the High King of the Sylph. I have fifteen cousins who are older than me, and four younger than me. I am often looked over in my place against all of them, and that’s the way I like it. I may as well be a commoner because I have no place amongst my family.

“Sam!” a voice shouted. “Look out!” I skidded to a stop. Too late.

The netted rope sprang up around me, encasing me in a trap set for humans, not for Sylph. I sighed. This was the third time this month that I had run right into one of our traps around our city.

I saw the swish of familiar dark brown hair as he walked under the netting, shaking his head. “Again Sam?” Kalen’s bright green eyes were sparkling with playfulness when he looked up at me. “Honestly, maybe you should just stick around here, so you can stop getting put up there.” He adjusted his cape. He looked nice today, even if they were just regular clothes, he didn’t wear the shades of green he was wearing often. He had so many straps around his pants, I was worried he was losing circulation to his legs. His arm guards were tightly cinched, but his shirt laces seemed looser, but I just knew that it was because it was too small for his muscled body. And his boots were fairly clean considering his job, and that our city centered our powers on earth and plants.

I narrowed my eyes. “Or not,” I smiled. I may have been annoyed with what he said, but I could never stay angry at him. “You know how much I hate it in there.”

“What about me?” He stuck out his lower lip, play pouting. “Wouldn’t you miss me?” I rolled my eyes. He may as well have been my brother, the way we got along.

“Shut up, Kalen, and let me down.”

“Fine,” he sighed. He took out a knife and threw it at the rope that held up the net. I screamed for a moment because I didn’t expect him to do it so abruptly. I hit the ground with a thud, and a newly sore behind.

Deleted user

Hey! I have a critique list! If you're willing, I can do yours after I finish about one or two more. Sound good?