I applaud you for putting your work out there it takes guts! Some of my critiques are stylistic and some are more grammatical, the grammatical ones are easy to fix with a simple read through: I'm just going to go line by line with what I saw. I liked how instantly you were trying to give the reader a sense of the character however there is such a thing as too many adjectives, try "Justin suggested with a smug grin we were all too used to." Sometimes less is more, too many can detracts from the sentiment. For adjectives a good rule of thumb is “beauty age goodness size” or BAGS to remember the correct order for adjectives. Another good tip is to read your work out loud and if it sounds unnatural, there is probably something grammatically off. The next issue is regarding agreement either with tense, or number. If you start off using past tense you should try to stay within past tense. I think these are just little errors but they are pretty prevalent and something to watch out for. For number you said "one of my brother" and because you said "one of" it is implied that you have more than one, so brother needs to be plural to have agreement.
This goes into style, but when you write "'Well with me,' he said softly stepping closer to me." the audience already knows that the character is the subject of Justin's words so it would flow better if you delete the "to me". This -ing is okay because it still denotes an action in the past. However, the "hitting" that follows needs to be in the past tense. So just "hit his desk"
Stylistically, I personally have a pet peeve with overused words, you used challenge twice in one sentence, so it doesn't sound genuine. Try making the word do double the work instead or use a synonym. (See what I did there, instead of using "twice" two times in a row, I used "double") For the sentence itself try something like "…to challenge and refuse to back down”
For the next line, I would try something like "I was overwhelmed by his scent, cigarettes and Axe (maybe say cheap cologne, try to avoid brands) it turned my stomach but I couldn’t help but be drawn in." This is the same things as using a lot of adjectives, a sentence can only hold so much information. Also, easy fix, you accidentally used "sent" instead of "scent". Just be careful of homonyms. In the same way, I would replaced "softly, yet rasply said" with breathed - the little word can make it so much more succinct! And then also with just making your style shine through, if you choose to curse, you should go all the way with it. If you are uncomfortable you can just replace it with "I swore."
"I have a lot to say, I know I talk a lot and in this moment I can't give an answer to the one guy in this whole fucking build who treats me like a human being and not like I walk on water." This sentence has so much information about your character and so much potential! This sentence could be broken up into many parts. There is a whole lot going on with the mannerisms of the character and could be expanded in an inner dialogue, maybe even a mini crisis. The wonderful thing about fiction is that time, especially inside a character's mind, is meaningless. Something that could take pages of writing could all be condensed into a single second!
There are also somethings that I am slightly confused about, why are her shoes off? In his office? So many questions about the shoes that I'm distracted from everything else. Moving on, I really like that you gave Justin nervous ticks, it helps to ground him in reality though maybe just mention them in passing. You don't want to spend too much time on them or they only become their mannerisms and suddenly a cute boy with a nervous habit turns into that weirdo who is always eating his own mouth.
Try and stay away from all caps unless the situation calls for it, if you want to try stressing a word, try italicizing it, however I'm not quite sure how to do that on this platform. For the sentence about his simile, the reader could get confused over the actual size of his smile, try something like “'Really?' he asked, a small smile betrayed him, telling me more about his feelings than words ever could." And lastly, I usually reserve full names for pig proclamations like proposals or when a parent is angry with a child. Your character has a lovely name but using it this way in a character's voice seems cumbersome. Maybe have a reservation for a restaurant and have to give your name there?
I hope this helps and this entire critique is all constructive criticism, this could be really lovely if you spend a little time with it :)
