forum Anyone willing to critique my character?
Started by Grace
tune

people_alt 2 followers

@WriteOutofTime

Here we go!

Let me address one thing very quickly so you can clear it up: is her weight something she struggles with? Or is it her height? You talk about her being "unfit" and "eating constantly" but she's 5'11 and only 180. First off, 5'11 is unbelievably tall for a girl her age. Not completely impossible, but very unusual. Second, if you want her to be actually overweight, at 180, 5'11, and only thirteen she really isn't that bad off. You might want to raise her weight into the 200s, if that's the route you're going. Anyway, let me move past the physical stuff.

I like her mannerisms a lot, and her motivation is alright. Flaws are good, too. However, no prejudices at all? A prejudice is inherently bad, but it doesn't have to be major. She could have a random prejudice. It's just weird to have no prejudice whatsoever. Personality type is so bare! Explain which INFP traits she relates with. Show how she reacts to people/things/circumstances. Don't just put four letters and leave it at that.

Moving on, why does she hate politics? Any particular reason? It seems weird to just loathe politics. Her backstory is so good! I really like the amount of detail you add. Great job on that!

Overall, I think there's potential here. Good luck

Deleted user

Why hello there! I hope you don't mind me looking Hanna over too?

  1. I like the detail that is shown with her hair (e.g. why she wears it that way) and with her mole. :)

  2. I do agree with @writelikeyourerunningoutoftime that she is very tall for her age. (I myself am very short but at her age I wasn't even 5 foot yet). Average weight for a 5'11 woman is 155 pounds or approximately 70 kilograms. (Just thought that might help you determine her weight depending on how overweight/underweight you want her to be).

  3. Mannerisms are very thorough. I like it :)

  4. For motivations I might add something more emotion driven in there. If she had a younger sibling, maybe keeping them safe, or something along those lines?

  5. Again I agree with @writelikeyourerunningoutoftime that I would have her have at least a small prejudice. Just because she has a prejudice doesn't mean she has to let herself be driven by it. Even the best of us have something that irks us about other people.

  6. Talents are good, so are hobbies. (Watching The Office is one of her hobbies? XD)

  7. As @writelikeyourerunningoutoftime said, I would put a little more bulk into her personality section. (Her quick-temperedness that was mentioned in her flaws section is definitely part of her personality).

  8. Her social section looks good, but I am curious to know what provoked such a strong hatred of politics.

  9. I love how detailed Hana's backstory is! Just something to think about though: how did Hanna's quick temper affect her and her social life? Did this affect the number of friends she had/what kind of friends she had? Did this have anything to do with the way they abandoned her?

Hanna is lovely! Good luck with your story!