forum Anyone wanna roast my characters?

Started January 11, 2018 by @SF_Ghostbuster

tune

and by "roast", I mean "Constructively critique"?

Hello?

When I first read your universe page, I thought you were joking. Now that I read the characters I see that your actually serious. Your ideas are interesting and eyebrow raising. The world and characters are unique. I am honestly interested on how your story will play out. I love that fact that you are doing something I never seen anyone do before.
Keep up the good work!

Why thank you. I try my hardest to be more unique amongst fan-fiction writers.

Hello! Mind if I drop in with some critiques?

I do like the multiverse concept you have going here, however, it all seems like either a giant crack fic, or a hodgepodge of all of your Multi-fandom OCs (Mind you, this is not a bad thing, but can lead to some problems down the road). If the universe is [not] to be taken seriously, then you're doing a great job! ^-^

Some critiques I can give without assuming the type of story you have here is one on Darth Lolei's history. The "Orphaned by her parents and raised to be evil" thing is something I see a lot of. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not an original thing either.
I also have a question about her eye color. How does it change? Can she switch between two different forms? If so, how?
(I do like her weaknesses and flaws. Was she never taught how to interact normally with humans? Is it because of her adoptive father?)

The main one I have, however, is the ages of Firefly's parents. Firefly is 12, correct? And his parents are either 15-18 years old, supposedly. When did his parents have this child? (Realizes there are two) sorry–when did his parents have these children!? XDD (And Edris is 17! Having a child that is older than you is a bit odd, wouldn't you agree?)

I could go on, but this is getting a bit long, so I'll leave it at that.

(My sincerest apologies if all of this is just completely wrong, and there's a reason behind the ages. ^-^)

Hello! Mind if I drop in with some critiques?

I do like the multiverse concept you have going here, however, it all seems like either a giant crack fic, or a hodgepodge of all of your Multi-fandom OCs (Mind you, this is not a bad thing, but can lead to some problems down the road). If the universe is [not] to be taken seriously, then you're doing a great job! ^-^

Some critiques I can give without assuming the type of story you have here is one on Darth Lolei's history. The "Orphaned by her parents and raised to be evil" thing is something I see a lot of. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's not an original thing either.
I also have a question about her eye color. How does it change? Can she switch between two different forms? If so, how?
(I do like her weaknesses and flaws. Was she never taught how to interact normally with humans? Is it because of her adoptive father?)

The main one I have, however, is the ages of Firefly's parents. Firefly is 12, correct? And his parents are either 15-18 years old, supposedly. When did his parents have this child? (Realizes there are two) sorry–when did his parents have these children!? XDD (And Edris is 17! Having a child that is older than you is a bit odd, wouldn't you agree?)

I could go on, but this is getting a bit long, so I'll leave it at that.

(My sincerest apologies if all of this is just completely wrong, and there's a reason behind the ages. ^-^)

OK, I'd like to respond to your criticisms, but please know that I know you don't mean to offend me.

ahem

"The 'Orphaned by her parents and raised to be evil' thing is something I see a lot of." Yeah, Darth Lolei may be a Sith Lord, but she's not the villain. In fact, she's one of the main characters.

The eye color change thing is influenced by the Dark Side of the Force. You know how you see Anakin Skywalker with yellow sith eyes in Episode 3? Well, when we meet Darth Lolei and Darth Edris, they have the same thing. Only when they're not Sith, or more in tune with the light, that their eyes change into the color they were born with.

"The main one I have, however, is the ages of Firefly's parents. Firefly is 12, correct? And his parents are either 15-18 years old." I can see why that would confuse you. Firefly's parents are 15-18 when they met, not when they had Firefly. Edris is 17 because she is 5 years older than Firefly, and she was reborn during the Battle of Yavin.

EDIT: "(Realizes there are two) sorry–when did his parents have these children!?" Actually, there are four of them. And the other 2 are twin clone hybrids of the parents, so they weren't created naturally. They're almost the same age as the parents though. The reason why they're not on here is because I don't know if they're gonna show up or not, and if it'll serve as self-fan service or not, which is something I don't want.

Again, I appreciate the constructive criticism and I'd be happy to clear up any confusion you have over the characters.

Oooh, Sith main character. That's def. something I can get behind. [gives a supportive thumbs up] I was always more drawn to the dark-side rather than the light, and I did figure that she wouldn't be likely to be an antagonist by the "Love-interest" title that she was given. (While I do enjoy a good old love-interest-antagonist, I understand and support your choice to have a Sith supporting character.)

And as for her eyes, I apologize for that. I'd forgotten about that scene. That makes so much more sense now, thank you for clearing that up.

Oh~ I understand now. ^-^ (I may be the only one who got confused there, but if you could maaaybe consider putting in a little note about the parent's current ages–or at least, the ages when they had their children–that would be extremely helpful!)

Heol. Four? Clones? Wow. That's one complicated family tree right there. Yeah, while writing a book or a story as something that you'd be interested in reading is a good thing, self-fan service is always something to stay away from. (The clone idea does seem like quite an interesting concept. I'd like to see how interactions between the four take place.)

And, thank you! I tried really hard to make sure that I wasn't making anything sound mean, because I really didn't have a full understanding of the world, and didn't want to jump to any conclusions. (I may try and look through everything again to find my other little thoughts, but I'll put it in a separate post if I do. This one is getting really long.) ^-^

Well, Darth Lolei's one of the main characters, but not the title character. Firefly, however, is the main character.

And as for the age note suggestion, that would be the note that reads "(Prequels)". This is actually a sequel to an even bigger project I've been working on since 2014.

Also, I agree with your self fan service thing. It is something to stay away from, or else characters would show up for literally no reason at all.

And you're welcome for me understanding your misunderstanding. If you have any questions, you can private message me if you want (however you do that :P )

Chuck Terius: Okay…so I'm guessing the age the reader would meet Chuck Terius is at age 11-12? I imagine that while having facial hair by late tweens is feasible, it's not highly common. Unless, of course, this goatee/mustache is because of his powers as a changeling and is a stylistic choice? Also, are the tattoos everywhere or just in one particular spot?
(I would also recommend expanding his flaws a bit more, giving more description on how exactly his curiosity gets the better of him. Like, is he a compulsive reader? Does he listen in on other people's conversations? Does he open closed doors? etc etc. If you have not had the time to sit down and flesh that part out, I understand. I often go days without actually sitting down to work on a particular character quirk that I feel needs to be addressed.)

Cassie Topaz: Is she a gem, like in Steven Universe? (That's what I'm guessing, but I could be wrong, so I'm making sure.) I actually don't have any real critiques for her. She seems like a very well-rounded character. I like her appearance the best out of everyone, tbh. Although foot odor isn't really a flaw, I guess that's the closest thing to "quirks" isn't it?

And one final thing. Are there any characters that you currently have in this universe that are over or under the pre-teen/young-adult age? I understand if you don't really understand, or don't feel confident writing older or younger characters–I'm like that too–but I do think that adding at least a few people that are older could add a nice age diversity and range for your story. (Excuse me if I'm completely wrong and you're just a genius at writing characters of every age or something. ;P)

1. Chuck's tattoos are just on his face. (Also, nice catch on the flaws. Gotta note that down)
2. Cassie is very much so a gem from the "Steven Universe" world. Somehow, scientists from across the multiverse have found a loophole so that mother gems turning into their children doesn't happen. It doesn't sound logical, but I'm working on it. It's not perfect logic. Also, I put foot odor in "flaws" because her mother forced it on her, and they don't have quirks in there (do they?)
3. Technically Darth Edris, before she was reborn as Edris, lived up to 3000 years of age using magic from a universe unlike her own.

1. [Does a sweeping bow, sarcastically of course–I'm not conceited.] Why thank you. I try.
2. Yeah, I looked. But they don't–which is sad. I try to implement a ton of quirks into my characters to make them more realistic, but there's no where to put them besides Mannerisms…and having foot odor doesn't seem to fall under the category of a mannerism now does it? [Another sarcastic smile]
3. [slaps a palm to forehead] I forgot about that. My apologies.

1. bows back
2. No, it doesn't :P
3. It's OK :)

[Dusts off hands] Well, I believe that's about it for me. I have no more critiques for you. Thank you for your time, it was very enjoyable. [Waves hand before disappearing out of thread.]

And may the Force be with you as well.

Hey guys, will someone give me constructive criticism on my character? I'm not sure how good or not he is, but I have faith in him.

Good job :)

I got a new character! You may roast the heck outta him Luapekaj the Hutt

Is this thread a dead thread?

Lurks back in NeVeR. Laughs maniacally

Okay, roast. Uh….

HE'S BASED OFF OF JAKE PAUL.

Drops mic

walks off

Sweet, thanks.