Here is the Introduction to my story, Keep in mind I've written more and if y'all like it, I could let y'all read it. I just want to know if this part is good! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JwS_lFOcWLVDHxaGWmuMA4D0f70ZzbXPHFSBla7YsdE/edit?usp=sharing
You've got a really good setup here—I think you hit a speed bump at the very beginning: it feels too comtrolled, too abrupt and predictable of a scene. I suggest adding in more emotion. I like how you used very short sentences in the beginning, it helps induce a sensation of rapid thought. Good job!