forum A Quick Excerpt From My Book, Please Leave Feedback
Started by @Vhips
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@Vhips

Wes had took her to small clearing in a forest not far from where he lives, if she hadn’t of known better she would’ve thought he was going to kill her. When they were settled, the first thing they began to work on was her form. Alexa struggled greatly. She was stiff and awkward, and it wasn’t coming to her as naturally as they had hoped. It took almost an hour to get her feet right, let alone the rest of her body.
It took them almost three hours of teaching to get to her learning how to properly throw a punch. When they started, Wes simply told her to punch. After a surprisingly hard punch to the chest, a winded Wes, and ten minutes of apologizing from Alexa, they found that Alexa had a decent amount of raw strength, she was just sloppy. From that point the rest of her training went smoothly.
The duo currently found themselves in Wes’ car. Every single muscle on Alexa’s body hurt more than she thought possible. She looked over at Wes to see his eyes focused on the road. She found herself still unable to fully digest her current situation. She was training to be some kind of demon hunting superhuman, her father was killed by some maniac for some ungodly reason, and now she’s living with some boy she barely knew, but apparently had some sort of bond with. She didn’t know if should be laughing hysterically, or crying a river of tears.
“Can I ask you something?” Wes simply hummed, so she took that as a yes. “Through this… victim thing, did it like, help you get my any of my personal information?” Alexa watched as he arched a brow and gave her a glance
“No, I don’t just know every little thing about you through the bond. Like I said, I can feel strong emotions through it, as well as locate you, and it’s vinculum, not victim. Why? That’s a pretty weird question.” Alexa gave a heavy sigh and leaned back in the seat.
“On the day that my father, was, y’know… murdered, there was some person who texted me and told me to be careful, they even knew my full name. Just wondering if it was you.” She looked over to see Wes’ knuckles turning white from his grip on the wheel. “It was probably just a coincidence, kids play around like that all the time.” She said, attempting to lighten the topic. She watched his nod stiffly, but none of the tension left his body.
The car became filled with a deafening silence. Alexa continuously fidgeted in her seat and gnawed on her bottom lip. She allowed her thoughts to overwhelm her, spilling over and effectively drowning her. Slowly her breaths became quicker and shallower, becoming quick puffs. She could hear her heart thumping in her ears, the sound so loud she thought she’d go deaf. She could hear the faint sound of Wes calling her name, but her thoughts were much, much louder. Lurching forward, she murmured to herself; the past 24 hours finally sinking in.
She has no home.
No family.
Her father was brutally killed by someone, or something.
Her life is in danger.
Her entire future was slowly crumbling.
She wasn’t even fully human.
The thoughts kept swirling in her mind, repeating themselves over and over again like a mantra. Overwhelming and subduing her.
Suddenly the door beside her swung open and her seatbelt was practically ripped off of her. The brunette’s breathing stopped when she felt herself being pulled into someone’s arms. Slowly she looked up to see a very distraught Wes.
“Deep breaths.”

@Reastabc

You did great job writing this! Besides the few grammatical error here and there, I would suggest that the first paragraph should be longer. Show the reader how stiff and awkward she was, let the reader see a bit of her personality throughout her acts, and maybe make them laugh a bit. Besides that, I would say keep everything else the same! I hope you plan on publishing this later on, because I would love to read it!