forum The Age Old Question 🤔 (Guys preferably)

Started May 23, 2020 by @4lagoon4 group

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What makes a guy fall in love? Please tell me your thoughts! (It would help me write my scenes more accurately😂)

Some guys may fall in love with someone who shows them even the slightest bit of genuine kindness and keeps them around, however with these factors I mind, they could also fall in love with the mystery that surrounds an individual and lead them to wanting to get to know them more.

For men who have been through a bit of tougher time than others, they will potentially fall for someone who they think is more likely to fill a void in their heart (as cliché as that sounds).
A lot of these types of men are essentially looking for someone to just be there and hold them, and tell them that everything will be okay and that they’re not alone and that they matter.
The same principle applies for if the man’s sexual orientation is different to heterosexual.

Oh! Well in that case I was right on the dot! 👏 But could you also tell me what it feels like from your perspective? (Falling in love) And what do you wish women understood better about you? 🤔

Falling in love from my own perspective? Well….
I think what made me fall for my current partner was how he went out of his way to make sure I was okay, and he never let me go to sleep while I was upset over something. I met him when we were 13 (We are now 18) and he had a girlfriend at the time, yet he was still there for me as a friend and was willing to listen to me talk about the most random crap until like 3AM——no one else has shown me this sort of kindness before.
I needed someone like that in my life, and after a few months I started falling in love with everything about him. His relationship ended and once he felt he was in a good place he asked me out. And here we are today, and I can’t help but fall in love with him all over again every time he smiles.

Something I wish women understood better about me is that I’m not a mind reader and that I do have my own emotions. Yes, society expects men to take the lead in a relationship and be strong all the time, but we’re human. Ladies, if you want something, just tell us. If something is bothering you, come and talk to us. Don’t make us guess because you have no idea how much our anxiety increases in that kind of situation. And please understand that, just like you, sometimes we need to cry too. Life is hard, you can’t expect us to keep everything bottled up.

Wow that brings back memories from my last relationship, that’s so sweet! This was very insightful, and helped a ton! (Thanks for answering my questions btw 😂)

If you're still looking for advice, I'm a queer aro-spec/ace-spec transmasculine enby with some experience in relationships both romantic and otherwise, and am also studying a lot about sex, sexuality, relationships, and personal identity.

There is no factor that makes men, women, or otherwise fall in love and people can fall in love for WILDLY different reasons! The defining feature that draws people together is the desire for connection with that person. You gotta have a friendship as well as a romantic partnership, this isn't Twilight! Love tends to take time but as my mom will tell you, waiting until you're older can often make the bond happen a bit more quickly. Could be based on experience, or a better understanding of your own needs, whatever, but my mother got married in her mid thirties and her relationship with my father was incredibly strong. I mean, it also depends on how these people interact.

I'm assuming your relationship is probably straight and cisgender so I'll talk mainly about that.

People who are assigned male at birth (amab) or assigned female at birth (afab) can vary wildly because of a biological component, hormones!

Testosterone tends to make emotions more intense but shorter lived as well as increase the libido (amab or transitioning) and estrogen tends to make emotions longer lasting but less intense as well as, you guessed it, lower libido (afab or transitioning), but that's not always the case and based on how you were raised can be a defining factor in how you deal with emotions, express yourself, and handle your relationships.

This is gonna be really vague but honestly it just depends on the people and where they're at in life. Poly relationships can be long lasting and take various forms and monogamous relationships can last less than a week, people are weird! The main things you want for writing any relationship is mutual respect, trust, communication, a genuine connection outside of sex or romance, and the ability to work together. These are features of healthy relationships but there are more and if you want to explore unhealthy relationship dynamics go for it! Do your research, a good resource I've used time and again is the YWCA and Scarleteen when it comes to researching relationships and how they work, but do your own research and if you're struggling, turn to people who study that stuff, or to real life relationship dynamics (romantic or otherwise!) and remember, you can always know more!

If you have any questions feel free to inquire, I'm not as experienced as most people but I do know some stuff!

Thanks for the input! It’s hard writing about relationships, especially ones I’ve never gone through. XD It’s even more so when you write someone with a mental illness, that’s what I’m stuck on.💀I wanted to show more representation amongst the Ptsd community, so now I’ve got my hands tied. But you bet your fiddle I’m doing research and taking notes like a madman! 😂👍

Good for you 😀! I'm glad to see people interested in adding in more diversity in their works!

Haha thanks, I think it’s good for people to have a better understanding of what some with disabilities or mental health issues go through. And hopefully I can get a better understanding of how to include them in my story. XD