So, as you may know from my bio, I’m primarily an erotic fiction writer which means I know a lot about sexual relationships and sex scenes. So as a person who both has and writes a lot of sex, I’d be happy to answer questions about anything sex-or-sex-story related! Common misconceptions, what to use and what not to use as personal lubricant (believe me, I’ve seen a lot of bad fanfic in my day), what does penetrative sex actually feel like (I’ll be describing this and all other questions non-explicitly, don’t worry) and much more! Note that this is from the angle of someone with a vagina, but I’ll get my girlfriend or fellow erotic writer friends to answer all other questions you might have about subjects relating to people with a penis since they will have more experience than I do. Anyways, ask away, and feel free to throw your own advice and knowledge in here too! Just know if you give bad advice I will gently call you out on it and correct you.
Also, if you need more explicit advice, as long as you’re 16+ I’d be happy to talk in DMs.
what makes these sometimes cheesy when authors write them?
My main problem is with wording, and with chemistry. Certain words just straight up are not sexy, and the problem is is that people deliberately avoid the sexy alternatives because they think it’s “coarse”. Look, penis is not a sexy word, hands down. Neither is vagina. And there are plenty of good alternatives to either! Also, chemistry. Not just between characters, although that can carry the scene well, but also with the mood and tone. Make the reader feel like they’re there, don’t shy away to the rough-and-tumble aspects of a scene. Also, avoid cliches. “Their tongues battled for dominance” is overused and unappreciated. Unless the cliche is shorthand for something, just be creative and try and use colorful, vibrant metaphors in your work.
Also, be careful with dialogue. Unless you desperately need it to convey something, try to use thoughts and feelings and actions instead. As well as, show don’t tell is a good rule for any writing but it especially applies to erotica. How this works is that you need to use actions more than words. Is the character rough in bed? Well, have them be rough! Let your characters be beaten and battered a little! Otherwise, it will feel uncharacteristic and lame.
Another, unrelated note I just felt I needed to get out there-safe sex and realistic sex is usually sexier in my opinion. Don’t use spit as lube, do use condoms or some other sort of guaranteed protection, and consent is always hot.
Well, consent is something of a must unless you’re writing a scene with less consent than is ideal, but I don’t tend to go there.
As for foreplay? Use it to your advantage. Nothing gets me more in the mood than some slow kissing, maybe a bit of preparation before actually getting to the actual act. Seriously, nobody in real life gets turned on by just looking at someone. That’s just fifty shades of nonsense if you ask me. I mean… like sure, your characters can just go for it? But it takes away from the essence of the scene, which is to explore intimacy in depth. Unless your goal is just to write porn, which is commendable but I prefer the intimacy aspects of erotica and sex in general over anything else.
Like, just plain porn is fine? but it always feels cheesy. You need some secondary goal to the scene other than making things all hot and steamy. Like, is this a hatefuck? Then throw in a rage sort of theme in there. Or maybe it’s to show intimacy taken to another stage in the characters’ relationship, in which case, show the intimacy. I really hate when it’s just porn for porn’s sake unless I’m just trying to get into the mood, because you need something holding up the hot air otherwise it will dissipate.
how can you get over the fear of writing scenes like that?
everytime I get to that part in a story, I skip it, because it gives me anxiety-
Honestly, I never really had that fear so I can’t tell you. But what I can say is that you really just need to write it, however bad it sounds. You can always go back and edit it later, and it works better for me to just get the scene over and done with.
how are you supposed to portray that the subjects' characters are actually into it, y'know?
Well, just like you portray any romantic or otherwise close relationships I suppose. Sex is just, well, sex. Don’t overthink it. It’s a lot more silly and relaxed in real life, and if I’m being honest it’s mostly just a way to be closer with someone, like going to the movies or a fancy dinner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WRITE SEX SCENES IF IM GREYSEXUAL-
/lh
Well, half of my friends that I know write erotica are somewhere on the ace spectrum, and their writing is great and really, really appealing. I think it's less about sexuality and more about investment in the story you're trying to tell. Just don't turn into "her hips were so ready for childbearing" and you'll be okay.
Plus, my hypothesis for erotica writers is that when you're focusing less on your own gratification, for whatever reason, you can focus on crafting a great piece of writing better. Take poetry, for example. You can tell when poetry is self-indulgent, because it just doesn't sound as good as that which the author made with the audience in mind over just themself.
So I think being on the ace spectrum would actually help with that process because a lot of (not all, I would never generalize… cough) ace people don't even care about erotic gratification at all.
If you want me to review anything you've written I would be happy to give you honest, but constructive, criticism. If you think that would help.
I haven't written anything yet-
Well, when you do, I'm here! Sorry if I'm not being too helpful by the way, I don't usually give writing advice outside of reviewing my friends' work and most of that ends up being supportive screaming lmao.
Well, when you do, I'm here! Sorry if I'm not being too helpful by the way, I don't usually give writing advice outside of reviewing my friends' work and most of that ends up being supportive screaming lmao.
you're fine, I understand, usually I just scream in delight to show my approval for things as well-
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