Barely said a- "You pulled me out of the office!" I exclaim, feeling my heartrate rise. I needed to smoke before I exploded at Anubis again. I knew I was getting worked up about this too, but we just failed the mission and were given an opportunity for compensation. Then he wants to play Over Paranoid and then try to underplay it when I play along? I'm tired of this bullshit.
"Yeah? That was the worst paranoia-induced outcome? I could've fucking killed both you and Vincent or I could've dropped this job a long fucking time ago. After all these fucking years and you still can't even begin to understand how my mind works. I can't just turn it off for you."
The elevator brought us down to his floor. I could stay here and argue with him, but that would be fruitless. This whole thing is fruitless. I should've just taken this job alone. I glared at Jean, waiting for him to leave the elevator.
I glare at Anubis for a moment, clenching my fists as the doors open.
"We'll talk later." I mutter as I step out of the elevator, trying to calm down to avoid questions from coworkers. Obviously I'm more angry than I should be, but I'm not the only one at fault here. Anubis inflicted this paranoia onto me and now I can't stop looking over my shoulder. I sighed heavily, taking a detour to find a place to smoke.
The doors close on the fuming man who walked out. I rolled my eyes and shoved my hands in my pockets. The elevator brought me to my floor. I made my way back to my office and notice a security guard facing the door. "Excuse me, is there an issue?" I said.
The guard turned his head at me unsmoothly. He didn't say a single word - it was as if he didn't even see me. His eyes flickered all around. Blind? "Sir?" I raised my voice a notch, but the guard didn't change his posture. Then, as if nothing had happened he straightened up and walked past me, nearly hitting me. What the fuck?
I wasn't really paying attention to what my team was saying; but they seemed to be talking about something serious. It didn't matter to me, I don't plan on concerning myself with British crime for very long. I leaned my head on my fist as I gaze at the floor, falling into a daze.
The curtains started to burn, the fire consuming them easily. I stood there for a bit. Anubis walked past me, averting his gaze to avoid looking at me. My eyes fell to them. My head was fuzzy, my eyes puffy. I waited there. I waited for some sort of emotion to come over me. I waited, maybe for my eyes to start watering, for me to fall to my knees and cry for my family. I waited for the heaviness to overcome me as I grow wracked with grief.
Nothing happened.
Maybe he did do me a favor.
"Daniel?"
I blink, my heart skipping a beat as I lift my head. It must have fallen noticeably down into my hand.
"You sure you're alright?"
How was I going to brush this off?
"Had a rough night, I'll be fine by the end of the day."
After hours of nothing, Jean and I finally got released. We didn't go home at the same time, though. He had to wait for me.
I fiddled with the car handle until Jean unlocked it. Ducking my head in, I said carefully, "I think I know how we can pass the time here a little."
I shut the car door and inhale the fumes of the foreign vehicle. It was still taking me a while to get used to the left side passenger seats and the car being on the left lane.
Once I got out I decided to have another smoke, hoping to clear my mind. Luckily I remained uninterrupted and managed to alleviate a lot of pressure in my head. I thought about the deal, and I thought about our decision. I wasn't bothered morally, but Anubis's paranoia is contagious. Then again, nothing is stopping us from taking the money and using it to leave both countries, starting over again and going back to square one.
I head back to the car, with a few hours left until Anubis gets out. At first, I got in the passenger side, but when I realized my mistake, I moved to the driver's side. I sighed heavily, crossing my arms and lowering the seat back a little, reclining it to a more comfortable position.
My eyes closed without warning and consciousness escaped. I didn't really dream this time. My thoughts started to mix a little bit until I fell asleep, but once I was asleep, everything was silent. In all honesty, I actually preferred it. With the dreams, I was barely getting any good sleep, but this time I finally feel like I'm getting re-
The sound of the car door handle jerks me awake. A very tired Anubis aggressively pulled the handle back and forth until I begrudgingly unlocked it.
"I think I know how we can pass the time here a little."
He began, shutting the door and sighing.
"Enlighten me." I utter, rubbing my eyes as I try to see only one Anubis, as opposed to two.
bro that was a long post haha
"Think we should take on a British job," I said, mocking a heavier British accent. I pull on my seatbelt, continuing. "There's no point in sitting around and doing nothing until we find the secret weapon. What do you say?"
I turn to Jean, who couldn't look more awful.
I start the car and sigh, shrugging my shoulders.
"We have to find one that's willing to work around our schedule."
I exhale one last breath before exiting the parking garage, hopefully, the last of the nicotine leaving my lungs for the time.
"Plus, what would we even do with the extra money?"
I shook my head, watching the now-familiar building pass behind us. "They don't always pay in money, first of all, and it's not for the money anyways. It's just for passage of time, Jean. Live a little. Besides, most of the jobs are night jobs and our hours are never at night, at least nnot for me. You might have a call in, but that's not hard to work around."
I rub my face a bit, mostly from stress, as I make a few turns on the road.
"Whatever. Won't they be watching our every move, though? It's not like the government can trust themselves."
I turn into the parking lot of the hotel, sighing heavily.
"I wouldn't mind a job as much as I wouldn't like getting caught."
I glared at Jean, like the idiot he was. "Sometimes, GG, I wonder if you've ever really done this kind of business at all." Shaking my head, I pushed open the car door. "First of all, their technology would never bypass mine, I can hide us. Very easily. If they're out there watching us right now-" I breathed in with a sudden realization that the car would have a hidden mic. "Then it won't matter. We'll do something they can't say we can't do."
I nod nonchalantly and follow Anubis into the building, tossing the keys onto the nearby table and sighing heavily. It was evening, but the sun was still barely up. I took off my jacket and draped it on the chair.
"Sounds good, then. You can find us one. I'm gonna go smoke."
Something changed.
I did not always want to murder. Sure, I was quite antisocial and often anxious most of my life - hell even angry - but never that furious. I'm uncertain what exactly happened, but sure enough, a switch was flipped in my brain. A big one. I know it started that night. The alcohol boiling in my veins, bringing heat to my face. Every muscle twitching, every emotion in me amplified so vastly, that life felt insignificant. Save him, that is all, and then destroy the cause. Destroy every cause. Destroy mankind.
But why? Why was that night the switch? And how do I flip it back?
Jean was already gone before I could reply. Not that I could, I wasn't even sure of what he said. A shiver scattered across my spine and I felt dizzy. I jumped to the kitchen to get some water. Soon after, I followed Jean outside.
"Jean. I think I have to tell you something."
Jean: what
Anubis: ur gay
It took me a few flicks to get the lighter on long enough to light the cigarette, but I finally managed to inhale the fumes. Anubis really uses those things up sometimes. I've noticed that sometimes he barely uses the lighters, but then on especially stressful weeks, he goes through them quickly. I wonder if I have a tell for when I'm stressed, and I wonder if Anubis knows what it is. I wouldn't want to ask, but I might try to notice if he reacts. As I watched the sunset, Anubis opened the door and approached me.
"Jean, I think I have to tell you something."
I look at him for a second, studying his face to see if I can guess what the next few moments will hold.
"What?"
I tried to begin my sentence, but a rushing sensation of pure nausea overwhelmed my body. A shiver entered my body again. Just force it out anyways.
"Remember that ni-" I inhaled painfully. "They were going to rape you!"
The words tumbled out of my mouth insensitively, and confusingly. But with every word, came more excruciating pain and nausea. But when I stopped talking, it all ended. I leaned on the door frame, breathing hard.
I furrowed my brow, highly confused. I couldn't tell if he was acting or genuine. It's always hard to tell with Anubis.
"What are you talking about? What night?" I turn back away from him, mostly out of inability to make eye contact as I take another hit from the cigarette.
"If you're just fucking with me, that's not funny."
I know I have a lot of drunken nights that are lost, but it's been too long, and I don't recall many that involved Anubis, or a they. How long has he been holding this in, if he's telling the truth?
I couldn't finish. I didn't know why. I didn't fucking know why.
Jean stared after me as I stumbled back into the apartment, shadows crowding my vision. I got ready for bed automatically, like a robot being told what to do.
I threw myself up in bed for some reason. The nightmare was long gone before I processed having one. He was awake. The clock on my phone light read 2:47 AM. "Do you ever sleep?" I decided to wake up to search for jobs, since sleeping wasn't an option for now.
His words didn't surprise me. I heard him stir as he woke up behind me. I'd been looking for a job on the computer for the past half hour.
"Only when I want to." I uttered as I lean away from the computer and turn to him.
"Plus, you think I'm gonna sleep after that shit you pulled?"
I cross my arms as I watch him get out of bed, his hair scruffy and eyes still puffy from waking up. I'd gotten to wracking my brain to find the reason he would say something like that to me, and so seriously too.
And then it had hit me. Luckily I went through the pain of realization before Anubis woke up.
"It was Rose, wasn't it?"
Jean's comments came through, but the reminder of Rose struck me physically again. I scrunched up my face and fell back down on the old bed. I resorted to nodding my head. His eyes bore through me, but all I could return was a tired, unaffected stare.
I need help.
I bring myself back to that night. Well, more to the morning after. I don't remember the night very well. I do, however, remember yelling at Anubis. For getting into a fight. With Rose. I open my mouth to say something to Anubis, but nothing comes out. After a second, I close my mouth again, frustrated with myself. I eye the pack of cigarettes on the table as I turn back to the computer.
"If you're gonna sleep, then start now. I'm gonna keep looking for a job."
To my relief, he did not probe me further. I take a breath in to refresh my muscles and organs. Without a word, I pulled up a chair next to Jean. The screen blinded my tired eyes with its bright artificial lights. Small letters and shitty graphic design filled the screen, and in the next tab, a long list of emails requesting all sorts of jobs; mostly hitman calls, but plenty of breaking in and robbery, or drug distribution. I spotted a peculiar one. "That one needs to find a kidnapped kid. We can't get arrested for that, right?"