forum How does one relationship?

Started September 06, 2018 by Krynn

tune

Every time I try to write a relationship, it feels unrealistic. Any ideas on how to fix it?

I think one of the biggest things is to write your characters first. They each should have a unique role in your story, and then you can decide who's compatible, and compatible characters are much easier to write. But if you're writing a straight-up romance story, that's probably a lot different, and I'm not sure how to help quite as much. Anyway, I used to have issues because I would pre-plan relationships and give everyone a partner, and it's especially bad when you're dealing with teen characters because if you have multiple pairings, chances are most of them will be broken up in a few years.
But as for writing the relationship itself, there's not a "one size fits all" model. Some relationships are going to be very physical, while others are very much emotional, and some are a combination. I assume you want to portray a positive, loving relationship. I think usually what we see here is they're always concerned for each other's well-being, and they'll make sure to check in as often as they can to make sure their love is doing alright. Another thing is gestures. I don't necessarily mean giving one's partner flowers or holding the door open for them. It's all about the seemingly meaningless things, like giving your love the last piece of cake, no questions asked, or getting them a gift they had casually mentioned that one time. Also, not all couples go out on dates all the time (because real talk? Dating is expensive.), so they are going to have activities they do together at home, whether that is watching Netflix together, playing video games, cooking, or any other number of things (honestly, I'm not sure what most couples do.) And finally, teasing. Most couples do it, but in a healthy relationships, teasing on deep insecurities is not something that happens, and teasing is only in good fun.
I certainly didn't hit everything. It might be better if you have specific questions, although there's no guarantee I can answer them.

Thanks! This helps a lot!

Great! Glad I could help! And if you have any other questions later, I can maybe help.

I have something to add:

No relationship is perfect. There are always going to be ups and downs. Couples always fight and bicker, and there are a lot of problems that they'll have to work through.
Communication is key, but it can be extremely difficult. If two people are in a perfect relationship, but they're not communicating and trying their best to understand each other so that they can keep the relationship stable, it probably won't turn out very realistic.
Take it slow. Let emotions develop over a long period of time. It's okay to have two characters get together really quickly, but if you do that, make sure you develop their relationship over a long period of time.
Not all relationships are healthy. It's okay to include an unhealthy/toxic relationship in a story (as long as you don't portray it as a good thing).

I hope that made sense