forum how can i make my story better

Started May 13, 2020 by @theskylooksnicetoday

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Ah, well right now the key sounds like your typical Macguffin, a very boring Macguffin. Maybe the key was pulling them there, some how, what if the key was a family heirloom and his Father just died.
Next point If people always die when they enter this ruin, why is this person going into it? Was it a trance? Were they chased there by something? Or did they just not know, if they didn't know then the beginning has very little stakes for the audience unless there is some sort of dramatic Irony, but even then you're not going to kill the main character 5 pages in so there are no stakes for the audience. Your beginning need's to grab your audiences attention and keep it, convince them they want to read this. Right now it's an event, Make it a story.

Sounds like the start of a good horror, in my opinion! What if you added something dangerous in the house. Maybe some of the 5 are hostile and pose a threat to your protagonist. Maybe the house itself is hunting them. Maybe it's been hunting the others for years, driving them mad, but until now, they have no idea what it wants. Maybe each special item was bound to return to the house one day, and now that all 5 are together, things are really beginning to unfurl.

I love your idea! Hope I helped a bit! :)