forum Feedback on plot for (sci-fi/fantasy) that takes place in a small-town

Started February 01, 2018 by @MultiversalAdmin

tune

Basically, the story revolves around a specific family in this imaginary eastern US town named Fleuve. The town is a magnet for non-human activity, both in the form of aliens and supernatural creatures, since there is a safe-haven for these guys less than three miles from the actual town, and the entire family is familiar with all of it, since three of them are non-human.
There is a specific kind of alien I have that is meant to be an overlying threat, but not particularly large in numbers in this galaxy, since they're treated as an infestation when found. This particular species, called the Ofhurst, have evolved to cause fear, and feed off both the pheromones associated with fear, and the energy produced when a creature is afraid. They come with a specific set of abilities that you see with this kind of hunter (shapeshifting, possession, ability to read minds), but the catch is that they need to latch onto things to be able to do any of it. If shapeshifting, they need to have latched onto that thing they're turning into previously, and for long enough to have memorized its appearance entirely.
If they want to possess anything/read a mind, they have to remain latched onto the thing/creature for at least a day. Once they've done it to a specific item, it becomes easier with each time.
Because of this, they need to be killed/imprisoned before they gain momentum (multiple forms/informant hosts), as each feeding makes their base form larger, and additionally capable of doing all these things faster.

The idea is that for the first arc, an infestation has begun, but humans are unaware of everything, because yeah, we're oblivious. The non-human community is somewhat aware that something is going on, and is in a tizzy, so all of the councils of the different non-human species are meeting up to discuss the issue and point fingers.
Of course, some humans know something weird is happening, and are starting to connect the dots, because they can think outside the box.
So some humans/non-humans band together to investigate, which of course, pisses off the various councils, since they're acting when there's no idea what's truly causing everything, and they could possibly make things worse.

Can I get some feedback? Does it at least sound intriguing, or is there something I could do better?
Any suggestions for how I could tie some things together?

write a book.

But what exactly do you need help with? It seems pretty solid to me

Well, the idea is well thought out and very interesting! I like it a lot, but…I'm a little confused. Non-human's like what, werewolf and vampires? Or just aliens? How can a family be hald non-human? Like the mom is human and the dad is alien or a different species? If you could provide this info, I can maybe help a little more. The aliens kind of sound like these aliens in the Justice League cartoon show, they encased/kidnapped who they were taking the form of. I also am curious how they latch onto a person for that long? What shape are they, wouldn't the humans fight back??

Well, the idea is well thought out and very interesting! I like it a lot, but…I'm a little confused. Non-human's like what, werewolf and vampires? Or just aliens? How can a family be hald non-human? Like the mom is human and the dad is alien or a different species? If you could provide this info, I can maybe help a little more. The aliens kind of sound like these aliens in the Justice League cartoon show, they encased/kidnapped who they were taking the form of. I also am curious how they latch onto a person for that long? What shape are they, wouldn't the humans fight back??

1. The word non-human, in this universe, is meant to encompass mythological creatures from our world (vampires, werewolves, etc.), and aliens both. The entire community of both aliens and mythos creatures has learned to coexist over the span of Earth's existence, because neither folklore creatures nor aliens want humans to know they exist.
2. A family could be half non-human if some members were already changed (by werewolves or vampires, for example), or if the family was already related to non-humans. In the case of the family this story centers around, it was both, as the father figure was an alien, a family friend is a turned werewolf, the boyfriend of one twin is a turned werewolf, and the girlfriend of another twin is a pure-blood vampire.
3. I should look that up, because my interest is piqued now.
4. The Ofhurst start out very small, and very light. Their instinct is to grab onto an area of the body that is either covered enough that the host wouldn't feel it, or some area where the sense of them clinging wouldn't be as noticeable. Once they get large enough to be noticeable, they'll release themselves, and only attach when the victim is asleep, and keep growing until they're strong enough to either hide themselves with an inconspicuous form, or latch onto the human permanently (out of sight), and take control of them.
5. They're essentially small gelatinous blobs in their younger stage, and their colors are always dark and desaturated.
6. Humans can easily catch them if they're the type to be really concerned about their health (monitoring their appearance for a routine), or check themselves continually in mirrors (people that are also super into cleaning could catch them as well, because they leave a faint residue behind. They'll usually retreat and try to find a new host if this is the case, and mainly search for people that they think would be a little less attentive. People with messy rooms are their personal favorite.

I think it's the first three episodes of the first season in the cartoon btw, great show. Would gladly re-watch it until I'm 50.

Sounds like the Ofhurst's are very smart for a bacteria like creature, cause if they don't have a body, normally they aren't as advanced.

Just an idea: maybe an Ofhurst finds a really messy room but the man/woman of the room is very organized and thorough so before they realize it, she/he finds it and starts contacting the non-humans she knows to start the investigative band (kinda like scooby-doo, or at least that's how I imagined it at first, maybe include a reference for some humor!)

I'm so interested in your story though! Let me know how it goes, or at least the title when it gets published.

I think it's the first three episodes of the first season in the cartoon btw, great show. Would gladly re-watch it until I'm 50.

Sounds like the Ofhurst's are very smart for a bacteria like creature, cause if they don't have a body, normally they aren't as advanced.

Just an idea: maybe an Ofhurst finds a really messy room but the man/woman of the room is very organized and thorough so before they realize it, she/he finds it and starts contacting the non-humans she knows to start the investigative band (kinda like scooby-doo, or at least that's how I imagined it at first, maybe include a reference for some humor!)

I'm so interested in your story though! Let me know how it goes, or at least the title when it gets published.

I never considered that angle, that actually is a solid way. Thanks so much for the feedback!
I plan to try and go for a more webcomic angle, but that's far in the future, when I actually have the time to get around to starting it after the world and plot have been developed enough.