Elluin gave a soft laugh at the kiss to his hands, also allowing himself to be pulled down and kissed on the forehead. He sniffled softly and rubbed tears from his eyes with his wrist, nodding a few times.
"It wasn't your fault, Gray, I don't blame you at all. Not even a little. There was no way you could tell me without risking your safety and anonymity, and that's okay. I didn't expect you to try and find me, though. It was such a welcome suprise!" He laughed as he tried to hold back his tears for the third time that day, shaking his head at himself. "I don't want to leave you ever again. I'm leaving here with you and never coming back if it means I can stay with you and serve you." Elluin leaned into Gray's arms, hugging him tight against their body. He gripped Gray's bare skin soldifiying to himself that his lover was truly here with him, as they pressed their bodies together in a strong embrace.
Gray laughed, wrapping his arms around Elluin's waist and half planning to just never let go. "I'm still so sorry you had to go through that. It must've been horrible." Gray had had his fair share of lonely nights, but at least he hadn't been left with the idea that his lover was dead. Until arriving at the gates of the city, that possibility had never truly occurred to him- of course it had been whispered into the back of his mind a couple of times, but never had he truly considered it. He knew Elluin was strong and capable of holding his own.
"Well I think that's a bit much," he murmured with a chuckle. "We don't have to leave if you don't want to. I could figure out something, some way to stay disguised and safe. If you love it here- and I could see why you might," he interjected his own thought with a hum, "then we'll figure something out. We always do. Regardless of where we go, it'll be together."
Elluin laughed over his tears, a couple falling over his hook in his nose, raising a hand to wipe at his tears for the second time, pinching the bridge of his nose. Reflecting now on how he felt about Gray being dead felt stupid; Gray was way too stubborn to die, wasn't he?
"I want to leave, though. I'm– I don't like it here. I belong with you and the kingdom we'll make together." He pulled out of the hug with another deep sniffle, hugging his head and shaking it a couple times in his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm just dumb. I was so afraid for you. I thought I'd never get to see you again after I left. I know the last time we saw each other was just… sad. I was so upset to leave and I didn't want that to be the last impression of me. Not only that but I just wanted you to be safe and happy. You didn't deserve it all to crumble and end like that. You deserve another chance and help." Elluin looked down at his hands as he slipped the soap between his palms, tears still falling off of his nose that he didn't bother to wipe away anymore.
Gray swore he heard the deafening crack in his heart along with the deep pang of sorrow. He slowly reached his hands to Elluin's face, cupping his cheeks and gently wiping the tears away.
"El," he whispered softly, carefully redirecting their gaze back up. "My beautiful, sweet El. Everything is okay. You're not dumb, and there's nothing to be sorry for. You did what you had to back then. And guess what?" He gave a small smile. "I found you!" He spoke in a whisper, pressing a kiss to the tip of Elluin's nose. "I'm so, so sorry it took me so long, but I'm finally here, and we can finally rebuild our kingdom together, yeah? I do get another chance. Everything is going back to normal." He continued spilling reassurances, just wanting to see a genuine smile back on Elluin's face. Everything was finally okay.
Elluin allowed Gray to stroke and assure him, leaning close so he could hear the whispers, tilting his head and blinking away tears that blurred his vision. Other than literally being naked, he figuratively felt really emotionally bare which already something that didn't happen very often among Elves and their lovers. He had never been emotional with Gray either, allowing himself to stomach all of Gray's stress and process it into pure love and support for the Human. That was his role, and he was really okay with that, but he had come to a breaking point upon reflecting on his fear. He nodded against Gray's head though, letting him reassure him in that gentle voice Elluin fell in love with after their first night together. Everything was okay. Gray was safe, and they'd be safer yet when they could get back to a place where they'd both be happy. Upon further thought, Elluin could be stuck in the pits of Hell with Gray and still be happy and content in some way.
"Yeah, everything will go back to normal," Elluin repeated shakily, inhaling sharply through shaky lips. He rose his hands to join their fingers, nodding a couple more times to himself.
Gray nodded once again in affirmation. "Everything is okay," he echoed. He gladly took Elluin's hand in his, closing his eyes lightly for a moment. "I love you," he offered. "So-" a kiss to Elluin's left cheek- "so-" a kiss to his right cheek- "much." and finally, a kiss to his forehead. "And I'm so glad that you feel comfortable to talk with me about these things." He hadn't expected a trip to the bathhouse to strike up such a heartfelt conversation, but he wasn't mad by any means. He couldn't even remember the last time that Elluin had opened up to this degree- or even if he ever had- and he was more than willing to listen and encourage it. Gray wanted to be there for him more than anything else right now. "You feeling any better, love?" As much as he would love to clean himself off and be able to just sit in the warm water for a bit, he wanted to make sure that Elluin was all right first.
Elluin nodded a couple more times to themself, taking one of their hands back to rub at their eyes after the kisses he received. "I love you too, my king, my love, my Gray. Yeah, I'm feeling a little better. You know when to use your special voice with me." He laughed softly, a light smile gracing his lips through his tear-stained cheeks. "You look chilly, here, let's sink under together okay?" He tilted his head away and sunk against the wall, pulling Gray with him by his arms. He cupped warm water into his palms and splashed them onto his face, trying to relax a little, and rubbing his inflamed eyes with a few soft sniffles. "It's so weird being this emotional for me, but I just… I can't help it. When I saw you I forgot everything except just pure emotion and…" He shook his head and dipped his head under the water for a few moments, his hair floating around his head.
“My special voice?” Gray hadn’t realized he had a specific voice he used, but it honestly wouldn’t surprise him if he did. He chuckled, waving it off with only a slight flush of his cheeks. “Mph, yes. Early spring air,” he mused. He let Elluin pull him deeper into the warm water, sighing happily. He was nearly in their lap at this point, but that was hardly a bad thing. Gray dunked under once again, the warmth washing over him pleasantly. Re-emerging, he took the soap from the tile and finished washing himself off, desperately needing to finish that before he could relax. And the lavender smelled nice as well. “That’s not a bad thing, you know,” he answered once they had reemerged. “It was new, but it’s a nice change of pace for me to care for you this time around. You comfort me all the time. It was beginning to feel a bit one-sided.” He chuckled, making sure to show that he was only joking.
As Elluin shook his hair out again, scattering water and getting warm drops everywhere, but glancing at Gray as he spoke. Elluin didn't seem to think it was funny, for they shrugged their shoulders at the other with an uncomfortable grimace, rubbing the back of his head. Elluin picked up that it was a joke, and gestured at that with a meek grin of his own as he rubbed the water off of his face.
"I just think it's easier to help you, Gray," The Elf mumbled quietly, clearing his throat softly and looking down at his now empty hands with a second shrug. "I just don't like being transparent. I like helping you. I enjoy making you smile and laugh by any means necessary. But um… yeah, I like your special voice. You kind of take a higher tone that I haven't heard you take with anyone else but me. It's the special voice. It's your voice for me, and I like that." He glanced up at Gray with a grin.
"I- I mean, that's okay too, obviously! I just meant, um. It was nice to comfort you this time instead of the other way around. Just- You don't have to be transparent like that all the time, but if you ever want to talk about something, just- I'll listen. But you knew that." He glanced down at the water for a second before continuing to wash the dirt from his body. Surprisingly, the water was still had it's bright, blue tint. Part of him had worried that he'd step into the water and it would grow brown with all the dirt and sweat he tracked into it. It would've been funny, sure, but also painfully embarrassing.
"I didn't know that I had a special voice," he hummed, meeting their eyes after a moment and smiling softly back at Elluin. "It's not surprising, though." He offered the sweet-scented soap to them, silently asking if he'd like to wash himself off as well.
Elluin nodded as he looked at the other, but allowed the conversation to slip away. It simply wasn't worth it to him getting angry over something that was intended to be a joke as harmless as that one. Gray himself just said that it was new territory…
"Yeah, you do have a special voice," Elluin repeated instead, smiling a little brighter as he collected some suds on his hands and ran his fingers through Gray's hair instead to wash it. It took a few times with the bar of soap, but eventually his hair was all sudsy and grey from the dirt in it as Elluin massaged his scalp. "I don't think you noticed because you were usually too tired to notice. You'd come and find me and we'd go to bed together as we did… our routine and such. You were usually quiet but I knew that's because, well, the long day–" The Elf interrupted with a nervous laugh– "and we'd get into bed and you'd look at me and say 'good night, my sun and clouds', in that voice you used. I always looked forward to it because even though I didn't understand what it meant, it was special to you. I didn't get how I was the sun and clouds to you… but it felt right. It made me go to bed feeling really warm and comfy. More so than usual of course."
Gray was a bit surprised, but hummed softly and allowed their long, sudsy fingers to run through his hair, even leaning forward to make it a bit easier. He listened with a smile, the faint memories coming back. He was always exhausted at the end of the days, so he didn't remember the specifics. He remembered fawning over Elluin many times and dubbing them many creative, loving pet names before falling asleep, but he never knew that it'd been so special for them. Knowing that, though, made Gray's heart swell. "I never knew you'd liked my silly nicknames so much," he murmured with a smile, glancing up at Elluin and cocking an eyebrow. "I suppose I'll have to keep it up." He sighed contentedly, closing his eyes softly for a second.
"I miss those nights," he spoke after a moment. Throughout everything, he always kept the memories of those nights with him- the chilly nights, especially, when he'd come back to his bed chambers to find the fire ablaze in the fireplace, Elluin calming reading or knitting or doing some other quiet hobby of his. The smile he'd give Gray when he entered the room was positively contagious, and he always smiled back, no matter how upsetting the day had been. Then falling asleep next to him… he'd missed it all so badly.
Elluin leaned off of him to start washing himself off with the same bar of soap with careful hands, glancing up occasionally to just take in Gray for a few moments. "Well, I guess…" He laughed nervously again. "You always seemed to happy to call me those names. Like you'd been thinking about them real hard, and just holding on to them for me." He grinned with Gray's smile, meeting his eyes. "I miss those nights, too." Elluin happened to remember more because he hadn't spend years trying to forget it. In fact probably the opposite– he had spent a while mourning over those memories and feeling as if he hadn't appreciated his lover enough. He missed listening to Gray breathing softly as he slept in their arms, stroking his hair and making sure everything was set up for Gray to wake up the next morning and go about his business. It would be during this time as well that they both would talk and enjoy each other's company the most, which really meant a lot to Elluin. It was then that he was able to learn things about Gray that no one else would be able to know except for Elluin, those small details that no one really notices.
"Though, you and I can go back to that lifestyle soon. Though, I suppose I'll be helping out more if we're going to be married…" He trailed off into his own thoughts as he idly rubbed at his chest at the same place.
Grey flushed softly, glancing down at the water. "I had," he confessed gently. He'd never expected to say it to them aloud, but these past few years had just pushed the idea that every moment with his lover was precious. Whenever he did anything in the years past, he'd come across something sweet to the taste, or pretty-looking, and he'd always make a mental note of something new to call Elluin. He never said them while fully aware, always a bit too embarrassed for that. He'd often utter them as he laid down to sleep for the night, though, his willpower failing him as soon as he'd laid eyes on Elluin every night. He'd spew soft confessions of love and the new pet names he'd thought of that day, often accompanied by his favorites that often stuck around throughout the months. 'My sun and clouds' was a reoccurring one, capturing just how lovely he found Elluin.
"Gods, that'll be nice," he sighed, unable to fight the smile working it's way onto his face at even the thought. He couldn't wait for the ring on his finger; it was such a small thing, but it was a way to keep Elluin with him when he was away, something physical that Gray could keep with him.
Tracking the small movements of Elluin's hands, Gray cocked his head to the side with a soft, mildly amused smile. "Would you like help?" He spoke the offer somewhat timidly, unsure if he was pushing any boundaries with the question.
Elluin smiled out of his own thoughts, blinking at Gray a couple times from his sad memories. There wasn't any need to mope around about it anymore; Gray was right here in front of him, smiling and reflecting with him.
"That's really sweet– I didn't know that. I always thought you just came up with it on the spot, but there were a few times where I thought it was more." He laughed softly leaning forward and offering the soap at the mention of help. "I need help reaching my back." Elluin leaned down into the water, suds floating off of his chest as he submerged himself in the water. He sighed in relief as he let it soak into his lanky limbs, soothing his joints that constantly worked to move him around. He hasn't been able to relax like this since, well, ever. He only really bathed for the sake of being washed and clean, and didn't do it very often.
Gray's soft blush only grew, fighting the urge to hide his face. "I- It's embarrassing to talk about." As much as he loved to shower Elluin with affection, he tended to get flustered when his fond actions were pointed out or addressed. It amused even him that this habit had stuck around for so long. He hummed softly in response, his voice breaking lightly and only adding to his embarrassment. "I can do that." He took the soap, pressing a kiss to the nape of Elluin's neck and beginning to gently wipe down their back. He seemed to need this, if the sigh he gave as he sunk into the water was anything to go by. He made a mental note to make sure that they'd been taking care of themself while Gray was gone as well. He had a feeling he already knew the answer. "Relax, I got you." …That was so incredibly cheesy. He knew that. But for once, he didn't mind too much.
Elluin snickered at him gently as he sunk deeper into the water, tilting his head a little as he felt the soap slip away from the nape of his neck. "You're so cute, Gray, I honestly forgot." Elluin laughed genuinely again, yawning as he was massaged and humming. "Well, if you're ready to go, I can check if Voron came back with your clothes." Though, he didn't move, just leaned back into Gray's arms at the suggestion. "I know you got me." He shifted and turned around a little to take a look at Gray, smiling shyly as he relaxed against his chest. "Is there anything else I could do for you, Gray? We haven't eaten yet, but I did say we'd eat when we got back home. If you're hungry now we can leave. Water feels nice on my bones."
Gray laughed softly at himself, finishing up and setting the soap aside and returning to embrace Elluin lovingly. "Mm. I think I'd like to stay for a bit longer." The water was nice, and it would be a shame to leave so soon. Not to mention how long he'd gone without something like this. "I'm not hungry," he added after a moment, knowing that the Elf would worry about that if he didn't address it. He really should eat soon, but a bit longer in the bath certainly wouldn't hurt. He couldn't stop the uptilt to his lip as his lover leaned back into him, contentedly leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to Elluin's forehead.
"Ah, alright, but I'm not going to let you starve yourself for much longer, Gray." The Elf laughed again, but he was visibly worried at the mention of not being hungry. He ran his fingers through Gray's wet hair, sighing down at him and tilting his head to look at him. A sign of not getting enough food was usually not feeling hungry, and surely Gray didn't eat much on his travels. Elluin pulled the other under the water with him anyway, sinking so they were face level again and folding his legs up comfortably on the floor with a grin, pressing a kiss to his cupid's arrow. "Only a little bit longer, then we can eat and plan to travel. I'll have to clean up my house… we should also talk about, well, running the kingdom too. I know I did a good bit of that economically, so I think once we find some neutral people in this war on our travels back home we can– oh, I'm sorry." He flushed as he realized he was rambling, rubbing the back of their head. "I'm just excited. I think you and I can really make a difference together."
Gray chuckled as he leaned into the touch, the casual contact bringing a smile to his face. He'd missed it all so much more than he'd even acknowledged. "Okay. As soon as we get back to your house I'll eat plenty, don't worry." He hadn't intentionally been eating less, just never having an appetite and the stress keeping him busy with other things that, at the time, he'd felt were more important. He knew that how he'd been living wasn't healthy, his sleep schedule, his eating, even how much water he drank, were all way off. It'd take a decent bit of time to repair, but he was finally in the right mental state to begin.
Gray relaxed into the water and the arms of his lover, listening to him speak with a soft smile. Hearing them speak about something they were clearly passionate about was always endearing, and it was also quite reassuring to know that they really were on board with the idea. "I don't mind your rambling. I'm glad that you're as excited about this as I am."
Elluin smiled and continued petting his wet hair, dragging his fingers along his scalp to try and find stubborn pieces of dirt that he hadn't been able to get out, while still enjoying Gray's company. "I'm gonna worry about everything just like I did when you were living with me. You excited?" Their elegant voice was light and teasing, most unlike any tone Elves took with Humans. Elluin smiled down on Gray, too, his dark eyes gleaming with unbridled admiration. "But I'm very excited to rebuild everything. I think it'll be an incredible experience meeting new Humans and creating new bonds together as kings." He squeezed Gray between his arms in excitement he was not able to resist, shivering a little at the thought. It was intimidating to be able to share even a quarter of what power Gray had prior, but it was also exhilarating to mull over all of the possibilities. The nobility from other kingdoms wouldn't be happy, especially in the midst of an Elven and Human war, kings and queens themselves will be adamant about their marriage. But side-by-side with Gray, Elluin felt as if they could do anything.
Held close to Elluin like this, he felt light and giddy. Gray happily nestled closer, dismissing the part of his mind that suggested the moment was anything else than wholesome and innocent affection. He cleared his throat, hoping he wasn't too red. "I- I'm very excited for it all, I'll have you know," he responded with another laugh. There were so many things about their future together that he could dream about, it was hard to focus on a single aspect. Waking up next to Elluin every morning, knowing that he was safe, being able to hold his hand at any given moment… It all sounded like a dream come true. It quite literally was, after all.
"…Do you really think we'll be able to find people who believe the same things as we do?" As lovely as the idea of a peaceful utopia where everyone was happy sounded, was it really something that was achievable? That wasn't even counting the fact that they would likely receive threats, mockery, laughter- they'd be the brunt of many jokes in neighboring kingdoms. Gray knew that, and he assumed that Elluin did too. While he didn't doubt that they would be able to fight the intolerant remarks they'd get, it still made him nervous.
Elluin laughed with him, but paused at the other question, mulling over it. "I'm not sure," The Elf responded slowly, tilting his head back up. "It'll be hard to find young people who agree with us, but surely some of your old townspeople survived. I also think like last time, we'll become a safe haven for Elves who want to educate themselves and others, so I'm not worried about those jobs. I know people will want to come, but I'm not sure the right demographic will agree and want to come along and live under us. Especially with…" Elluin shrugged as he trailed off, rubbing his fingers through his light, floaty hair. "I'm worried about the other kingdoms, too. I'm afraid they'll crush all of our efforts. We could always keep trying after, but that would come with the expense of many, many lives if we happen to amass a number of civilians who agree. We'll need an army and really early so we can protect and grow."
Gray nodded along with him, wanting to hope for the best. He wasn't sure how many of the old townspeople had survived everything that had happened, but it couldn't hurt to go looking for them. Gray wanted desperately to believe that this would all work out in the end; a safe space for all kinds of people. They would need to be careful, though, with who they let in as well. As exciting as it would be when folks began to enter the city, it would also be very simple for assassins, spies, and all sorts of ill-intentioned people to slip in as well, never even needing a real disguise to be welcomed into the kingdom. He got lost in his own thoughts once again, trying to plan out just how they might go about defense… he pulled himself out of the aimless pondering, though, deciding that it didn't really matter until they'd rebuilt a decently big enough city to warrant those threats. He sighed softly, slouching forward a bit. "We have some time to think about how we want to begin things. We can take a few nights to sleep on it."
"Yeah, you're right," Elluin sighed out his concerns, closing his eyes. "I share the same concerns you do, though. I guess it'd be good for us to wait to start getting stressed about it." He laughed, but set a hand on Gray's shoulder when he felt the other lean forward. "We can always plan, but we can't plan for the unexpected for when you come back out to the public and take your throne back. Only the Gods know what will happen for sure." The Elf opened his eyes, but they gleamed with some semblance of determination. "But we can get through it together and create something stronger than what we had before. I just know we can. It's comforting to think about in its own weird way. You and I can work towards something together, other than traveling back home and simply just being there, you know?" He cleared his throat quietly, his face flushed and just as warm as Gray's at the admittance of his excitement. After years of monotony around others of his own kind, Elluin was itching to plan and help Gray rebuild, like his wanting mind had wanted to for years, even with the knowledge that Gray might have been dead.
"I know I'm just repeating stuff at this point, but… It really means a lot to me that you want to do it with me. Interesting, but really means a lot."
