Kai felt miserable today. He had work this morning and he woke up preparing himself. For no reason, frankly. He dressed himself loosely and in just-cleaned clothes. In a good day he’d find it in himself to do laundry or change his sheets or fix up his kitchen. But yesterday was not one of those days. He trudged his still-unshowered self along the bare, wintry street of New York. People of all sizes and ages trudged by him, too, but he did not see people. His eyes picked up on these big headed, big armed, badly knitted dolls. They were all white with only little indents for eyes. They wore the person’s clothes but they didn’t have any of the features or hair color of the person. While it would've horrified anyone, it didn’t do much to him. He was used to the strange looks of the dolls (it was actually the people’s looks as they studied his ragged form), and he just learned to live.
But he still avoided many things. He avoided any reflective surface; he could see himself wedged between all of those giant, wooly monsters, looking scared under his shock of dark, dirty red hair. There was never any emotion in his blue eyes as he looked at himself, either. He always saw himself as a disappointment, and he really quite was. This wasn’t how his parents would want him to live.
But he walked down one, two, four, six blocks to reach his job. It was a high-end communications lab. In college he studied Human Sciences and he managed to get a job at this place. It hadn’t been his first. Before he was on a medication that allowed him to see the people for who they were, but it made him incredibly violent and suicidal. He had tried many times but he was often found by the home-nurse who checked in on him every week and revived. He was taken to many mental health hospitals for his actions and was kept there for many months of his life, only to be released again after taken off of suicide watch. They had helped get him this job afterwards and had him working in a private office down in the basements as he worked with people through a computer screen, which the company itself deduced was the best for him. Away from people in a quiet area was what worked best. Kai was a good worker, too, he just got distracted very often by the looming dolls that were his co-workers or his boss. Hardly anyone saw him, he scared many people, and was never talked to when he was found in the break room. He was forced to take lunches and dinner hours off by the mental health facility, or else he wouldn’t eat at all. He was already scrawny and underweight to hell. They wanted to help him gain weight, but it was a lost cause.
Kai arrived to another day at work. However today was quite different. Today was his birthday. Not that he had noticed. It was Tuesday of September the eighth, 2026. The company did a happy birthday ceremony for each person, no matter their position anywhere in the team.
Mac hated her birthday. Especially at work. Every year she’d have to sit through the constant, “Happy Birthday!” from every passing co-worker. Then, during her lunch, she didn’t spend it alone like she wanted to. No, she was cornered by a bunch of smiling people and forced to sit, smile, and listen as they very poorly sang to her. Year after year she had to endure this torture from people she didn’t even like, some of them she hardly even know. But, that was the faux community of the workplace. And now, as she took the long way around to her office, coffee in hand, she practiced the smile that would surely be on her face for the remainder of the day.
As she walked though, flashing an array of ‘I’m-so-happy’ and ‘You-guys-are-the-best’ smiles, something didn’t feel right. Oh, that’s right, they were fake. She’d donned her favorite black blouse and slacks combo today, but she couldn’t get into happy spirits. She never really could, not for years now. Not unless a bottle of alcohol was involved. Then she’d be as happy as you wanted her to– No. She wouldn’t allow herself to go down that sad path of thought today. Not when she’s been doing so well.
She caught her reflection in one of the office window. Pale and well kept, her auburn hair tickling her neck, and her lashes curled to perfect around her blue-green eyes. She was doing well, she thought, even as her eyes trailed down to her neck where a tattoo was covered with heavy makeup. But before she scrutinized herself any further, she took a moment to inspect her surroundings. She was staring into one of the offices. Kai’s office at that. And once she registered that he was inside, Mac gave a little wave. “Hi.” she mouthed, knowing he couldn’t hear her.
Kai didn’t hear anything from anyone as he walked down the hall. A smile didn’t break his dull, emotionless face. Perhaps if a smile or two were to grace his face, would he be attractive for a man in his late twenties? Well, of course he would be. But his face was lined with his battles within his head. He looked stressed, his red hair was lined with grey already, and he just seemed so much older than he was.
He set his bags down and pulled out his laptop. The bag tumbled to the ground and his papers scattered out of it but he didn’t care at all. Small post-it notes lined his computer screen that weren’t there usually caught his attention. He read a couple of them. ‘Happy 29th!’ or ‘Have a wonderful birthday!’ was scrawled in tidy handwriting of his bosses. Only they really cared to write anything, apparently. He took them off and carefully stuck them together by their glue backs. He flipped one over on the very top so he didn’t have to see the final note of excitement before going to work, either not seeing Mac wave or choosing to just ignore it, which he did a lot with outside things.
When Kai didn't reply, Mac figured he hadn't seen her. So she moved to his door and knocked. Mac thought she should at least try to see him before the early morning rush. She wouldn't see him again until lunch, and that was the time she was planning to hide out. And who knew, what if she was the only one to see him today?
She had gotten the gist to Kai was an oddball, not fully in control mentally. He often came into work in wrinkled clothes, distant looking and disheveled. He was almost alone though. It surprised her that people avoided him like the plague. He wasn't at all what people treated him to be. So what if he didn't make eye contact when he spoke. Plenty of people did that. Maybe there was a memo Mac hadn't got?
Dismissing that train of thought she knocked once more before opening the door. "Ignoring me , already?" She called before stepping in.
Kai had started to type on his old monster of a computer, his face set in concentration. Well, it was concentration but it looked as if his entire life depended on this. Like his life would just simultaneously collapse if he didn’t do his work correct and quick. Though he might’ve been strange and haughty, he was an intent, hard worker. He ignored her comment and gave a shrug to the computer screen, his blue eyes still fuzzy yet strangely focused.
“Good morning, Mac,” He murmured in his mechanical voice. His voice was hard and devoid of emotion. All of it had been sapped away from his life’s experiences and everything he’d lived through.
Mac smiled. "I just wanted to check in." She was glad he seemed to be in a relatively okay state of mind. Of course she couldn't tell exactly how he was feeling, his voice and body language gave nothing away concerning his thoughts. She didn't venture farther in to his office, he didn't react well to that., not from her experience.
"Have a good day, Kai. And …. Congratulations, you made it through another year."
Kai grunted. Unfortunately he didn’t feel as if he had. This past year, his twenty-eighth year, it was really not that good. Though he had gotten clearance to work at normal places such as this one, it perhaps gave him more attention. He didn’t like that. Too many buttoned eyes…
“You have a good day, too,” He murmured.
And with that, Mac closed the door. As she did, she had to wonder for the hundredth time, what was it like being Kai? Did he see the world in different lighting, in different colors? Did he see people differently? Where was the disconnect in his mind and was there any way to fix it?
Did he want it fix?
The thoughts clouded her mind as she strolled to her office. Bringing her back to the present, was the balloons tied to the knob of her office door.
((Where shall we go after this??))
(i got a plan love)
Kai didn’t think about anything else the whole day. He took his forced lunch hour in the break room for five minutes before getting permission to leave for his office. When he arrived with his sub that he was keeping in his bag, and was uncurling it from the tin-foil, he looked up to find what looked like most of the staff force crammed into his office. Most looked confused; no one knew this guy. No one knew it was his birthday, and those who knew him looked very uncomfortable under the blank stare of Kai. They held out a sheet cake, with candles lit atop it, and started to sing happy birthday in that same monotonous, actually somewhat quieter than usual tone. Those who did not know him did not put much effort into singing, but rather just hummed, or stared at this man. Were they expected to sing for someone they didn’t know?
The singing stopped and the man hadn’t blown out his candles. That’s when they knew something was up. His eyes were still blank, his expression completely lax and unemotionless. He didn’t even crack a smile.
“You have to blow out the candles, Kai!” The executive board director, Mat, exclaimed into the silence.
Crammed into the office along with the rest of her co-workers, Mac tried her best to close in on herself, all to avoid touching those around her. She knew this was a bad idea from the start. Why had they ignored the fact that Kai wasn't a "people person"? Mac didn't know. And why did Mat have all of these people jam-packed into this office, in his personal space? She couldn't fathom that either. But what she did know is: By the look on Kai's face….
He did not like what he saw.
And Mac could tell why. Mat had completely and utterly invaded his space, forcing this overload of sensory on Kai. Kai, who barely spoke or acknowledged anyone, who didn't make eye contact, who didn't eat lunch with others if at all. Kai, who wasn't like other people. With guilt that shouldn't belong to her, Mac tried to make her way to the front of the cluster. Maybe she could convince Mat to leave the cake and get everyone out. Maybe it wasn't too late.
The cluster was too tight, and Kai had already backed away slightly, his sandwich leaving his shaking hands and dropping to the floor. When Mac had managed to squeeze out between the people, Kai was already out his door and running full speed to the elevator to the exit of the building. His ragged red hair blew back around his face and sent cold air into his face. His body protested running so fast, but his mind was blank as he jabbed instinctually at the elevator button, which answered him almost immediately. The doors shuttered open, and he looked into the empty, somewhat small room. Well, no, too small. He moved to the stairs, where he practically threw himself down the steps.
The others stood there in awkward confusion as Kai ran. Looking back at it now, she still couldn't tell if it had been a good idea, but Mac went after him. He was much faster than her while she ran in heels. At some point, she ditched the shoes too. Kai stopped at the elevator but didn't take, making a sharp left to take the stairs instead. He's losing it! She thought as she followed after him. Was he even thinking anymore?
"Kai!" She called breathlessly as she started down the steps. "Kai, please!"
He clung to the railings as his feet flew and made him launch forward down the steps, four by four and landing heavily on the stone platforms before continuing his pattern till the entrance of the building. By now, he was assured no one was following him. No one cared; why would they do something for someone like him, anyway? But also, why couldn’t they just leave him alone?
Kai paused to the doors and watched the crowds of New York, his eyes wide and his breath ragged and heavy. No one was in the front hall to stare at him, but there were so many dolls passing in front of him…
Mac had slowed significantly by the time she got to the bottom step. For someone who barely ate, Kai had a lot of energy. She was gasping, leaning heavily against the railing, when she caught sight of him. He was watching the activity on the streets. For a few minutes, she just sat there. Let him relax and calm down. She didn't want to spook him anymore.
Please don't run again….
Kai lifted his hands and covered the door so he couldn’t see the doll’s giant faces. Of course it didn’t work as well as he wanted it to, but it helped him somewhat. His body leaned forward into the heavy doors, letting it support his heaving, tired body. Everything was just doing things on its own, now. Breathing, catching his breath rather, blinking…
"A-are you okay?" She asked, her heart calming. Mac settled on the steps as she watched. Kai looked like he was calming. Mac just didn't want to spook him again, she didn't want him to do something crazy and run into the street or anything like that.
Kai startled and whipped around so his back was pressed up against the door. His face was flushed and he panted heavily as his gaze flitted over her. He didn’t recognize her as someone friendly, nay, just the opposite.
“What do you want?” He asked in a slightly panicked voice.
Maybe she was too close? Never had Kai actually looked at her. And now, he didn't even seem to recognize her. He looked at her with panic and fear in his eyes. So, she did what she thought was best: she got out of side. Receding back up the stairs til he couldn't see her. "Kai." She called. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm sorry we scared you."
Kai shook his head and pushed open the door, a few dolls scattering out of his way. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Everything felt like it was just pressing in on him all around, suffocating him with so much information. He fled to the outskirts of town, ducking into an ancient forest. One might be glad that the forest wasn’t too far off, or maybe someone would do something about the forest slowly crawling up on them, yet that was neither there nor here.
"Oh, no…." She groaned as she listened to the front door swing open, Kai stepping out. Should she continue to follow him? He probably wanted to be along, but Mac couldn't shake the feeling that if something to happen to him…. it would be her fault. And that was too much for her to take, not again. So, she went after him.
Kai inhaled the fresh forest air deeply, shutting his eyes as he leaned against a tree. He groaned faintly as his limbs ached in pain, but he was finally safe and away from everything…
He sunk down slowly onto the floor, the dirt sinking under him slightly.
Her lungs burned and she was on the verge of heaving as she came to a stop. Mac was less than quiet or graceful as she came to a stop. Trying her best to catch her breath, Mac at least saw the sense of stopping aways off. No, she didn’t want to frighten, but also, she was afraid. She’d never been in the forest all her life. She remembered the stories her parents told her, the stories she saw on the news. This was beyond dangerous. This was death. There was a good reason for her hesitance.
Indeed the news spoke illy of this forest; rumors of giant animals that loomed over two men stacked on top of each other, not at all peaceful, with sharp, angry teeth and deep black eyes. They ate anything they could find, including humans who stumbled into the forest. But these animals were like Bigfoot. Not a soul knew they existed except for strong evidence pointing one way.
Doing her best to push her fear away, she moved closer to Kai. He stood a way off, silent and still. Did he still not know she was here? Maybe that would make it easier to retrieve him and take him back. Hopefully, she could convince him to come back before it got dark.
"Kai." She said softly, still standing some distance from him.