Vaughn allowed Ilya to lay him down, and he rested his head on Ilya’s lap. His head turned, hiding his face in Ilya’s abdomen area. He did not want Ilya to see him cry. While he was trying his hardest to keep the tears at bay, they would still trickle down his cheeks. He stayed quiet, though, not allowed his body to wrack with sobs like he wanted to.
He was anxious about explaining himself to Ilya. Was he ready to open up about his mental illness? He was sure he would sound absolutely crazy- out of his mind. “I-…” he started, cutting himself off to bite his tongue sharply. He owed Ilya some sort of explanation. “I’m sick. Not physically- my mind is sick. I’m schizophrenic, the paranoid kind to be exact.” He did not look at Ilya when he spoke, still hiding his face as he was still feeling anxious and shaky.
Ilya could feel Vaughn's breaths going shaky but he didn't comment, still gently smoothing down his hair as he pulled himself together. If Vaughn didn't want to talk about it then he wasn't going to push, he owed him that much. The confession caught him slightly off guard, though he did his best to look unaffected so Vaughn wouldn't panic. Looking back, it made sense. The yelling in the bathroom, the constant starting into what seemed like thin air, the hands around his neck. It scared him, just a little, but not enough that he would leave.
"Oh." His hand had stilled slightly, so he made himself keep going, gently scratching at the back of Vaughn's scalp. "Well… you have medicine for it, right?" He glanced down at the man in his lap, trying to catch some glimpse of his face so he could get a read on how he was doing. "That's why you took the pills. And… and it's not like you're crazy or anything, you're just… sick."
Vaughn did like the soft touches to his hair as Ilya brushed his fingers through it. It was a large contrast from the sharp tugs to his hair, and it seemed to soothe his tender scalp a tad bit. He stayed quiet for a moment, listening to the tone in Ilya’s voice. He tried to gage Ilya’s reaction to the confession. His head nodded a tad in response to the question about having medicine. He did not think it would be good to admit he was slacking on taking them, though. He should be taking them every day, but he usually took them once a week- some times not even that often.
After a moment, he tilted his head in the slightest so he could glance up at Ilya. He looked up at the male intensely and closely, grey eyes seeming glassy from the tears. “Are you scared- of me?” he asked in a low voice, worried about what the answer might be. Ilya did mot think he was crazy, but that did not mean he wasn’t scared.
Ilya was doing his best not to make a face, but like normal his eyes gave him away more than he wanted them to. There was a little fear there, sure, but it was mostly concern. Vaughn was hurting, more than he'd known before, and that bothered him. It was easy to patch up cuts and bruises because he had practice with that, but Vaughn was the only person he'd met who had schizophrenia and he didn't know how to help. He wanted to. The diagnosis was scary, but not because Vaughn was scary, because he felt helpless and adrift and he didn't know what to do about it.
"No, um… I… I'm not scared of you." He reached down to cup Vaughn's cheek gently, brushing away the tears gently. "I am scared that… that something will happen, or that you'll h-hurt yourself again, but… um…" A hand slid down as he spoke, gently running over the bruises that were starting to form on his neck. "… but not of you. Is that okay?"
Vaughn could see the faint bits of fear in Ilya's eyes. It squeezed at his heart and he shut his eyes once again. He felt Ilya's hand against his face, and he flinched softly at first, but afterwards he relaxed against the other male. He stayed still, keeping his eyes closed as he listened to Ilya. He had no idea if Ilya was lying or not. Would Ilya even lie to him in the first place? Surely he would not do something like that after what they have been through together.
His neck was lightly bruised from how he had been gripping at himself so hard. The fog in his brain began to slowly clear from the medication, and he could already feel a difference. "That's ok- I get scared that things will happen too sometimes," he mumbled softly, cracking his pale eyes open. It appeared like he had finally stopped crying and he sat up from Ilya's lap, wiping away some of the dried blood from above his lips.
Ilya scooted closer as he pulled away, not willing to put any space between them just yet. Vaughn may not be crying anymore but he was still bloodied and shaky and very much in need of support. "Would… um… would you mind laying down again?" His hand settled lightly on the back of Vaughn's neck, thumb running gently over the faint bruises as he eased him back down. He could hold him better like this, and anyways he didn't want Vaughn wandering around while he was still half suffocated. "It's easier like this; I… I can hold you, and it… it seems like you need that, so just… just stay, please. We can work on fixing things later."
Vaughn was still pressed against Ilya and he glanced around the room. He did not see Figure, and wondered if the shadow was actually gone or only hiding just out of his range of vision. When he was asked to lay back down, he chewed on his bottom lip a tad bit as he thought. “Ok, but… Let’s get off the floor,” he said quietly. His voice was a tad bit hoarse from how his neck had been strained. He scooted himself up, tugging Ilya along with him as he sat up on the cot. “Do you want to go get your breakfast?” he asked after a moment, feeling guilty for having caused an interruption. He would not have minded if Ilya had eaten while Vaughn laid by him.
"Oh! Yeah, of course, here… let… um… let me…" He got himself situated beneath Vaughn's arm so he could carry some weight. It didn't seem like Vaughn was in any condition to be moving around anyways, Ilya should have had him laying on the bed and icing his foot from the moment they woke up. "Here! I'm… I'm gonna put your foot up, okay?" He grabbed the spare pillow he'd used last night, and then a couple of the blankets he could fold up to stack nice and high. His voice got a little bolder now that he had a plan of action. "And you're going to sit here and let me do it, and… and then I think I'm going to find you some painkillers, if… um… y'know, if that's alright with you, and then we can have breakfast when you're not hurting all over."
Vaughn felt the warmth that Ilya’s presence provided leave him. He made a soft noise because of it, biting his tongue sharply afterwards. His foot was put up to be iced, and he nodded his head a little. “There’s a cooler in the main area, and the pain medicine is in there,” he murmured, pointing over to where a small box was sitting on one of the shelves in the room. He adjusted how he was laying, rubbing at his neck to test how tender the bruises were feeling. “Are you going to come back after? To lay down?” He already missed being held by Ilya. But he was not sure how openly he could admit that at the moment, considering his upset.
Ilya couldn't help but smile at the little noise Vaughn made, leaning over to press a fleeting kiss to his forehead. "Well… yes. Of course." His hands came forward after a few moments to run soothingly over Vaughn's chest. It seemed like he didn't really want to leave either, even though he'd already gotten himself up out of bed. "You… um… you like having me here, so I wouldn't just leave. And I… ah… I like having y-you here too." He flushed a little at the admission, eyes finding the floor as he pulled away.
Now seemed like a good enough time to get the pain meds, what with his awkward confession and all, so he crossed the room and started to sort through the little box. All the pills looked the same to him so he was mostly lost, but it was still important for him to find something pretty strong. "Here! But… don't… don't take those yet, let me get some water too. And… breakfast. Do you have plates?"
Vaughn shivered at the feeling of Ilya’s hands punning along his chest. Even though it was such a brief thing, he did not care. It was something he knew would run through his mind over and over. The corners of his lips twitched up when Ilya confessed all of those things to him. He caught Ilya’s hand before he could get out of reach, peppering a small amount of little kisses to the back of his hand and knuckles. He let Ilya’s hand go after being done with the affectionate gesture.
When Ilya came back, he took the pills but kept them cupped in his palm. “Plates… I might? They would be out on one of the shelves- probably just packages of paper plates,” he guessed, not feeling 100% sure about it. “If there’s none here, I’m sure that it will be fine… It’s just pop tarts, you know?”
The kisses didn't make him any less flustered, but he managed to get his head on straight enough to wander out the door and search around for plates. It was nice to be able to clear his head, though even the short leave of absence was enough for him to miss curling up at Vaughn's side. There were some paper plates buried in the back of a cabinet, along with the lucky find of some plastic cups, so soon he was waltzing in with what looked very much like a proper breakfast.
"Plates!!" he announced excitedly, gently nudging Vaughn over so he could settle beside him. He pulled Vaughn half into his lap again the second he could. "And a cup, so you can drink your water, and… um… and poptarts, obviously, but those… ah… they don't feel as exciting, but they're here too! And still mostly warm, so… ah… I think we can get back to cuddling again? If you'd like that? Because I… um… I'd really like that, just… y'know, just for the record." For once his rambling was more excited than afraid, like he was so happy he couldn't find enough words to fit.
Vaughn smiled faintly at Ilya's excitement over the plates. It was something so simple, yet it made Ilya so happy for some reason. He did not really care, though- he was just pleased to see that Ilya was happy. He scooted over a bit so that Ilya could get on the cot, and he was moved to be resting partly against Ilya's lap. He listened to Ilya ramble on about the breakfast and cuddling. It brought a smile to his lips, and he was able to notice the change in attitude. Seeing Ilya so happy made him feel a bit better.
He took the cup from Ilya, popping the pills into his mouth and washing them down with the water. He set the cup down, leaning up for a moment to peck softly at Ilya's lips. "You're sweet…" he murmured before resting back down, resting his arms around Ilya before speaking up once again. "We can go back to cuddling. Make sure to eat you're breakfast, though."
It wasn't just the plates that had Ilya so peppy, it was that Vaughn liked him and that he knew how to help and that there was something here that was fit for company, so Vaughn wouldn't have to get worried about not having tableware on top of everything else. He was also still a little jittery from before, a little on edge, and the best way he had to vent that energy was talking. He still felt guilty for it too, even though Vaughn didn't seem too put out. The kiss startled him enough that he snapped out of it, too busy beating down his flush to think about chatting.
"Oh! I… um… I'm not so sweet." His shoulders curled in slightly, but a smile was starting to creep onto his lips, shy and pleased. Sweet. He liked sweet, liked that Vaughn thought of him that way. "And I will, but you have to promise to eat too." His hand swept down, running gently up and down Vaughn's ribs. "I'm not the one who's all beat up."
Vaughn let out a hum, resting his head against Ilya. “Well, you are in my opinion,” he said, glancing at Ilya’s face to look at the male’s smile. He tensed at the feeling of Ilya’s hand on his ribs, mostly from the surprise of the movement. He quickly loosened up and relaxed, though, getting more used to the feeling. It almost tickled in a way, but he did his best to stay still where he was. “Mm, I promise,” he hummed, hugging Ilya a bit closer to himself. He was not used to having someone by him in that way. He had hooked up with people before, but he was not sure if he had ever been in an affectionate situation like this before. His body craved that sort of soft touch, and he could guess that he would definitely be more on the clingy side when it came to Ilya.
Ilya's smile got a little less faint and he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Vaughn's temple. It wasn't some thoughtless thing, the few seconds it took for him to lean all the way down and brush his lips against Vaughn's skin clearly had a rush of thoughts going through his head, but when he pulled away he seemed well pleased to have done it. "Thank you. You… um…" His hands stilled gently, settled securely on Vaughn's waist. "… you're very sweet too, and… and it's.. it's very nice. So… ah… thank you for that, too."
He started moving again when he was done, hands running up and down as slowly and soothingly as he could make them. Startling Vaughn was the last thing he wanted to do, especially when he was finally starting to get comfortable with the touch himself. His heart still beat hummingbird fast in his chest ever time he so much as thought someone was going to lay hands on him, and not in a fun way. "I never thought I'd find someone who made me happy and… and now I have, and that's… ah… that's very special to me."
Vaughn's cheeks flushed gently at the little kiss to his temple that he received. He was pleased that Ilya seemed to be growing much more comfortable with being physical. He was perfectly fine with the gentle touches. They made him feel comforted in a way, and he craved more and more. "You're welcome," he hummed when Ilya said thank you. He held still as Ilya moved his hands once again. As his head was partly leaned against Ilya, he could have sworn that he felt Ilya's heart beating rapidly. "Are you saying that I'm special to you?" he asked after a moment, brows quirked upwards as he questioned Ilya. He leaned closer to Ilya as he did that, exhaling softly in a comfortable manner.
Ilya wasn't comfortable with touch in general as much as he was comfortable with touching and being touched by Vaughn specifically. He wasn't exactly eager yet, but with every tentative peck or brush of his fingers over Vaughn's ribs he started to get more used to it. "Welll… um… yes?" He flushed a little at the sudden scrutiny, leaning in to kiss him again. Left temple this time, and a little more firm, a little more sure. "You… you saved me, Vaughn, in… in more ways than you know. And you k-kiss me and h-hold me and… and it is special." He felt bold suddenly, with his face hidden against Vaughn's cheek and his hands moving all easy and slow. "It is, I think I wouldn't give you up for anything in the world."
Some people might think what Ilya was saying was moving way too fast or clingy, but not Vaughn. No, he loved hearing the words that came out of the male’s mouth. His arms became more secure around Ilya’s waist, and he tilted his head after his temple was kissed once again. His fingers rubbed slow and small circles against Ilya’s hips. “I’m glad you think that way. I agree- you’re precious to me too,” he murmured. His head tilted to press an affectionate, tender kiss to the skin below one of Ilya’s ears. He exhaled a hot breath against the male’s skin before speaking again. “The pop tarts are probably getting cold, you should eat while it’s still warm.”
Ilya shivered slightly as Vaughn started to rub his hips, breaths hitching softly in his throat. It felt good—warm and just ticklish enough to make him shiver. When Vaughn kissed the soft place beneath his ear it earned a gasp, all quiet and needy, and then a breath was fanning over the tender skin and Ilya was just about ready to beg for more. And then Vaughn went and talked about pop tarts and the spell was broken. He went pink all over, groping around behind him for the plate with his eyes still locked on Vaughn's face, all wide and wanting. "Oh. I… y-yeah. You… um… you should t-too."
Vaughn had done that on purpose. As much as he wanted to go farther with what they were doing, he knew that he should not. Ilya had been abused in so many ways, and he did not want to seem like he was taking advantage of the male. He licked his lips subconsciously as he noticed the look that Ilya was giving him. He knew what that look meant. His cheeks became a soft and flushed color, and his gaze shifted away from Ilya's face. Would it be selfish of him for pushing things further?
Ilya definitely wasn't ready for them to go all the way, deep down he knew that, but he really didn't want to wait. There had been precious few opportunities for him to be intimate with someone he knew would be good to him and he ached for the gentle treatment Vaughn would use with him. He ached to be held, kissed, touched in a way that made him feel good. "I…" He looked up at Vaughn through his lashes, suddenly very bashful. "… I'd… um… I'd be okay with… waiting. To eat." A hand slipped forward, resting hesitantly on Vaughn's hip. "There are… other things, that we could do."
Vaughn's lips parted slightly in surprise at Ilya's insinuation. It was so tempting, it was so so tempting. "Are you… Are you ready for that sort of thing?" he asked slowly. While he wanted it, he did not want to take things too far in a physical way. He needed complete confirmation from Ilya before doing anything more. He needed Ilya to say directly whether he wanted to do this or not. He would not be sure of himself unless Ilya said otherwise. His head tilted to the side so he could look at Ilya directly.
Ilya got a lot less sure when Vaughn looked right at him, which was saying something because he hadn't been all that confident in the first place. He did want to do things with Vaughn, truly he did, it was just that he didn't know if he could do them just yet. This whole thing was new and fragile, and he was fragile too, in a different sort of way. "I… I think I am." He pulled Vaughn in gently, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. "I just… I don't know how far I can go, yet. Is… um… is that alright?"
(Do you want to move this to PMs?)
Vaughn nodded his head slowly, eyelids fluttering as Ilya pecked his lips softly. "That's ok. We can take things slow, and if you start to feel like you can not do it anymore, we can stop. Just tell me, ok?" he told Ilya softly. One of his hands came up to gently caress Ilya's cheek as he bumped his forehead against Ilya's gently. He knew he had to take things slow, despite the fact that his erratic brain was whispering him to just devour Ilya whole. He would listen to what Ilya had to say, though. Ilya deserved that and so much more.
