With a long pause in between, the next email came.
”That would indeed be a problem. Do you have headphones or earphones?” was what the email had said.
The cap which laid beside Iris had nothing else of significance besides the name. However, on the newspaper, on the page next to the news of the highschool boy, was an article about a catastrophe which happened overseas in a baseball stadium where the scoreboard fell and had taken several casualties with it. In the article, it said that the names of the casualties, and who they were, were still being investigated thoroughly.
Iris thought for a moment before going over to her desk and rummaging around the top drawer, eventually taking out a pair of earphones. She never really used them since she didn’t listen to music, but they were handy to have around.
She plugged them in and sighed. “Okay… What not?”
It wasn’t clear whether she was talking about the items or Aki, so it was safe to assume she meant both.
When her earphones were plugged in, the emails stopped coming for a bit before one eventually came. No text was written into the email, but it did came with a voice file. Opening it—
“Right so… I’ve never had an actual conversation with anyone in the last four years or so, so please bear with me. Uhm… I’m not sure what to say yet. There are things I can help you with while doing this Project with you but then again, I can only do so much. You seem lonely. I can be a friend if you want, but then again, who would want to be friends with an obsessed collector like myself. Sounds straight from a soap opera if anything. You should eat more, that’s something I’ve noticed. I know you say you don’t feel the need to do so but… it’s for yourself…”
There was a pause there before the scientist started talking again.
“Take your time to look at the things I’ve sent you. Tomorrow before the sun rises, head down to the nearest coffee shop. The one that’s usually filled since 8 AM. There’ll be something waiting for you there. Ask the employees. I’ll probably drop it off some time tonight. And uh… in case you decide to sleep… good night. Sweet dreams, yeah? T-That’s what people say, right…? Anyways, I’ll talk to you again if I have time,”
Iris fell silent as she listened to the voice message, her expression becoming unnaturally sad. “Sweet dreams huh… I don’t remember if a time like that even existed for me.”
When was the last time someone had wished her a good night? It must have been a long time ago since her housemates all knew she chose not to sleep; sleeping only caused the nightmares to worsen. The only time Iris was vulnerable was during sleep, at least she liked to tell herself that. “A sleeping person is a dead person.”
She spent the next hour or so reading the newspaper again and researching the stated events, keeping the light on her laptop as low as possible to avoid hallucinating— it wasn’t a pretty sight and she knew Danny in particular was tired of her screaming and having panic attacks because the hallucinations become too much. “What’s it like to be normal, Aki?”
Some time after Iris had asked the question, a voice message came through her email.
“I’m afraid I can’t answer that. All my life, that word is one I would not use to describe myself. There is much more you don’t know about me, Iris. There are things you shouldn’t know about me and that you shouldn’t try to find out. ‘Normality’ and ‘humanity’ are two things I’ve thrown away already, is all I’m going to say. As for sleeping… if it’s hard, will you stay up all night with me then? It’s not like I can sleep after all that I’ve done anyways,” a pause can be heard and the sound of footsteps filled the silence. It was like he was running.
“My haunting guilty conscience takes over as I close my eyes. I think you understand that,”
“I understand, more so than what people realise.” She murmured, closing her laptop and laying down on her bed. Her eyes focused on the dark ceiling, not that she could see anything now that there was no light— or at least there wasn’t enough light. A soft glow from the outside street lamps ran in a square ring around her closed curtains. Iris closed her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and opened them again. “Where are you going?”
About five minutes passed before the voicemail came—
“To the coffee shop I told you to come to before the sun rises. The barista probably hates me for coming at this time and ordering a single iced americano. Oh and, don’t come out. It’s best that we don’t meet until the time is right.” That was all the voice file talked about.
“I didn’t realise you had the intention of ever meeting me.” Iris sighed, shuddering at the thought of someone wanting to meet her. “I don’t think you’d want to know me in person.”
After a moment of silence, she sat up on the bed and sighed before standing up. “It’s not even two o’clock and I’m already bored. Oh… That’s nothing unusual.”
With a soft groan, she trudged out of her room and made her way downstairs. Her phone was in her pocket, the earphones still in her ears. “Guess you’re coming with me as I wander around the back garden. God I really am lonely…” At this, she laughed a little sadly. She was aware of her own loneliness, but it wasn’t until night time that it became an issue. Night time was when no one else was around to stop her from doing stupid things, to stop her mind from acting on its own. A perfect example of this was as she passed the knife block on the counter and simply stared at it, and the thoughts that came to her were ones that even she didn’t want to ‘talk to herself’ about.
She made her way outside and sat under the small canopy at the end of the garden, pulling her feet up to her chest as she leaned against one of the thin pillars. It would be time to go to the coffee shop soon, right?
As she was sitting alone there, an email came. Again, with a voice file and nothing else.
“You seem rather sad. I left some coffee for you at the front door. I don’t know what you drink so… I bought one of every kind they had. I know, excessive but whatever. It’s lonely at this time of night, I know. In any case scenario, I assure you that the next twenty nine days, I’ll try to make them as interesting for you as I can. The extent of that depends though. I’m looking up at the moon right now. If you look up, you’ll be looking at the same one as I am. Cliche, but I find it magical how no matter the distance, there’s always a time when someone so near yet so faraway is looking at the same thing as you are. It gets… a little bit less lonely,”
As Iris listened to his voice, she did as he said and the strangest of things happened. Iris started to cry. Upon realising that her eyes were leaking, the tears stopped almost as quickly as they had begun. She never cried for long, if and when it happened, and she never liked admitting that it ever happened. Maybe that’s why it only happened when she was alone? Who knew…
“Thanks for the c-coffee… You didn’t need to go to the trouble…” God this man was sweet, so sweet.
Of course, he had heard her sudden cry. From where he was, the scientist had stopped walking. He leaned against a lamppost, staring down the darkened streets and sighing as the wind blew by. He started to record something… the atmosphere was perfect for it after all.
“You say, ‘What if I go crazy?’
I say, ‘That ain't gonna happen’
You say, ‘What if I get lost?’
I say, ‘You'll just find your way back’
And you say, ‘What if someone breaks my heart?’
I'll put it back together like I do
You say, ‘What if I don't catch the dreams
That I've been out there chasing?’
‘What if when my fears show up, I'm too afraid to face them?’
Well, I can't fight your battles
But I sure can hold your hand and promise you
That the sky will still be up there
And the sun will always shine
The stars will keep on fallin'
For the ones who wish at night
The mountains won't start moving
And the rivers won't run dry
The world will always be there…”
The scientist laughed softly and surprisingly warmly…
“…And so will I,”
He hesitated, but ended up sending her the file. God, what was he even doing anymore. He started making his way down the streets, his earphones plugged in and waiting for a response from the girl.
[Song used : So Will I — Ben Platt]
Iris frowned upon receiving the message, and wiped her tears before opening and listening to the recording. She hadn’t expected what she had heard, and simply stared at the moon like before with a sad smile on her lips. The sad smile became slightly brighter before she covered her face and started crying again, this time a lot harder and for a lot longer. “Damn you… Don’t say such sweet things. I don’t understand them, I don’t understand positive emotions anymore so don’t you dare make me feel them you sweet man!”
Hearing those words from the woman, the scientist just smiled and continued walking away. It was weird how she wasn’t the kind of person he would expect to find in a project like this one and that she shouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place but… a pair of imperfections make up perfection sometimes. Maybe this was one of those times.
After a while of silence from the scientist, an email came. It was a picture and a voice file. The picture was of what can only be assumed to be Aki’s hand. He was wearing leather black gloves which fit his slim hands. He was making a peace sign towards the sky, where the moon was.
The voice file, on the other hand—
“Sometimes you fall deep in a hole you dug up yourself. You find yourself again, lost and looking for a place to call ‘home’. Some people take years to find that ‘home’. Some take minutes or hours to find the reality that they feel as if they don’t deserve a ‘home’. Sometimes you think you have nothing left… that’s only because you haven’t met something you can’t lose. It’s only a matter of time. For someone like you, I don’t think a month is too long to find something or… someone, to live for—“ the file abruptly ended there.
From there it was silence. The clock ticked every new second that came, but the phone gave no new notification.
The woman continued crying until she felt like she was about to pass out. For a moment she sat in silence, before choking out a whisper. “Damn you…”
After calming down, she took the back gate around to the front door. The coffee was waiting for her there, a subtle reminder that she had more emotion than what she liked to admit, so she hesitantly took them inside and locked the gate behind her.
Once reaching her room, she took her phone out of her pocket and left the device with the earphones on her desk. That was enough emotion for one night…
The clock eventually reached six, and that was when Iris decided to have a shower and get dressed. Only one other person was awake, somehow, but with the excuse that she was going out for coffee, Iris was able to leave the house without much question. Why was she doing this again? Why was she following the trail left by a random scientist who was giving her something to do with her boring existence? Well that was exactly why.
She reached the coffee shop before the sun had started to rise and entered with a tired smile as she approached the barista. “I was told to pick up something from here? Were you left anything last night?”
The barista nodded to Iris and went to the back of the shop. He then came back out holding a suitcase which looked like the one Iris was given on the first day. “The man who brought this in didn’t tell me anything. He just said that I needed to give this to the next person who came and asked for the thing. A pretty strange man, honestly,” the barista spoke with a small nervous laugh. “Can I get you anything else?”
“He is a strange man, but I guess that’s his charm.” Iris shook her head with a soft chuckle. Her stomach growled loudly as the scent of fresh pastries, both sweet and savoury, filled the air. Despite this, she shook her head and merely took the suitcase. “No, thank you. Have a good day now.”
With that she waved and left the building, letting out a heavy breath as the door closed behind her. “Right then, what’s the deal with this one?”
It took a while, but an email eventually came.
Being Aki, he might’ve been a bit too generous as he was sending voice files instead of text emails now. It was all in favor of Iris after all.
“Head down to the public park. I know that there are two, but head down to the one with the pond of ducks. There’s a bench not too far away from the pond and it’s honestly a nice view there… anyways, head there, and we’ll talk,”
With a firm nod, she started making her way to the required destination.
It was still rather early in the day so not many individuals roamed the chilly streets. The crisp wind caused Iris to shake and shiver, and the frost bite at her nose and cheeks— so much so that she wished she’d worn more than just a pair of leggings and a t-shirt.
Eventually she reached the park and found the bench Aki had mentioned. She sat down and stared at the pond, sighing softly as she watched what few ducks there were just glide around. Surely the water must have been ice cold, but apparently it didn’t bother those that weren’t human. Humans were strange like that…
“Okay,” she spoke, shaking her head to clear away the arising tangent. “I’m here.”
After a long time of silence, nothing came. Well, not from her phone, that was. A pair of gloved hands wrapped a scarf around Iris’ neck from behind, gently patting her shoulder.
“Don’t turn around,” the voice, one all too familiar, spoke from behind her as the man behind her set a jacket her size next to her. He was wearing a face mask, a hoodie with his hood up, as he placed the coat beside her so that she wouldn’t see his face if she had taken a glance. He returned to standing straight behind her, his hands on her shoulders.
“This time of day, no one is here but us,” he claimed with a gentle sigh. He then turned to get the beanie he’d bought, putting it on her. It was a regular black and white beanie, nothing too fancy. “Is it too much to ask that we stay here for a bit?”
The temptation to turn around was too strong now that the mysterious Aki was stood behind her, so Iris closed her eyes and didn’t move a muscle. “Why are you here? I told you that you wouldn’t like me in person and—“ her hand and neck twitched. “I thought I said that it was enough emotion for one day? Did I even say that say out loud…?”
“You didn’t say that. But if that’s the case, I’ll take my leave if I have to,” he reached forward and gently placed his index finger on her lips. “And don’t say I wouldn’t like you in person. You’re underestimating yourself like that,” he claimed, gently pulling his hand back to himself. “You can look, honestly. It’s not like you can see my face or anything anyways,” with that, he moved to her side and sat down beside her on the side opposite of the coat’s. He was wearing fully covering clothes, even his eyes were blocked by sunglasses. “Should I leave you be?”
Iris slowly opened her eyes, clenching her fists on her lap as if she was trying to stop herself. If that was the case then she clearly didn’t succeed. As her eyes opened, she turned her head to face him and froze. Then, in a sudden moment, she smiled brightly and started laughing. “Oh you are exactly what I pictured! It’s funny, a little voice inside me said ‘but what if he isn’t hiding himself?’ Well I've never really liked that voice, it’s always wrong.”
The voice inside her didn’t exist, but she didn’t know that; she didn’t know that the voice inside her was the one that she usually spoke to out loud when actually talking to herself.
She collected herself and shook her head, sighing as she looked back out at the pond. “In answer to your question… I don’t like being alone.”
“So you don’t mind me being here?” He asked, turning to face her for a moment before yawning softly. He stood up and went to her other side, picking up the coat and actually going behind her to help her put on the coat. “Don’t get a cold, it’s not worth it,” he spoke with a soft laugh as he went to sit beside her again but was clearly closer to her than earlier. He smiled under his mask and took off his sunglasses to reveal a pair of unnaturally translucent grey eyes. “I didn’t need that,” with that, he kept the sunglasses in his hoodie’s pocket and turned back to the pond. “Let’s take a break. I’m not sure for how long, but I think you deserve a break,”
“Why do you say that?” She asked, almost fearfully. Was he assuming something? What did he know? “Calm down, you’re overthinking again.” Iris whispered to herself as she pulled the folds of the coat around her and buried the lower half of her face in the scarf. Why was he being so kind to her when she had done nothing to deserve it? That’s the main thing she couldn’t understand.
She hadn’t seen him remove the sunglasses and so was completely unaware that his eyes were visible.
The scientist took a moment to think of something to say before smiling and turning to Iris. He gently tapped her shoulder.
“Iris, look at me,” he said, waiting for her to turn to him. He stared straight into her eyes in a comfortable and warm way.
“I know you’ve been through a lot with no one to help you carry the weight on your shoulders. It takes someone who’s been through the same pain, more or less, to pull you out from where you are right now. You can tell me a thousand times that you’re fine and that there’s nothing to worry about, but I wouldn’t believe you until you’re able to say it with genuineness in your eyes and your tone. I know that we’ll be able to communicate for thirty… well, twenty nine days now, but I want to see if I can help you through it. Tough times… I know,”
