“Thank you,”he replied.
De’Tearion hesitated at her question, turning away. Did he dare explain his experiences with starvation? Did he dare explain that history was repeating itself, for the third time? How many times would he nearly die from starvation before he finally found peace?
“Hold me, I beg,”he said shakily, fighting tears.
(Snickers)
Jackie nods, sitting down behind De'Tearion, wrapping her arms around his torso, resting her cheek on his back.
"Whatever you need from me, De'Tearion. . ." she says softly.
(I pause How bad are the 3 in the morning zoomies, exactly?)
De’Tearion chuckled at her attempt to hold him from behind. It cheered him up a bit that she had even been willing to try. And, it was something he also greatly appreciated. If Jackie knew how rarely he’d been comforted in his life, she’d probably break down in tears alongside him.
His breath hitched slightly when she said his name and a small smile spread across his lips. He then folded his arms on top of his knees and rested his chin on top of them, relaxing a bit.
With Jackie’s arms around him, it became much more obvious how skinny he actually was. With his exoskeletal shell, it was difficult to discern, but De’Tearion was truly very thin, even for his naturally slender frame. If he had been human, he’d be nothing more than skin and bone.
(Eh, depends on the day. Sometimes it’s a massacre, sometimes the nerds have already run themselves down for the night and they actually sleep through 3 am, lol)
Jackie thinks for a moment.
"Why. . . why do you starve yourself? It isn't helping you find peace, is it?" she murmurs, genuinely curious.
(Well, with my two cats, when one is zooming around the house like a bat out of hell, the other one is too- is it the same with your fuzzy knuckleheads? Do all nine of them start chasing each other around, or is it just a couple at a time?)
De’Tearion sighed shakily. He didn’t want to talk about it, but there was no hiding it now.
“No, ‘tis caused by my inability to find peace. I have no motivation to eat most times. My appetite has grown smaller and smaller over the years. I know this for… this be the first time not I have suffered this. This be the third time I have starved myself to this point. And, I have no purpose. No reason to continue…”he trailed off as he took a deep breath.
He debated saying more, then decided that context would serve both of them better in the end. Even if context meant great pain for him.
“The first time I starved was related to my grief, and my need to avenge Agatha. The second time was influenced by my lingering grief as I sought to further discover my love for Mina, a human princess that reminded me of Agatha. Yet, avenging Agatha cost me Mina, and I fled from her hatred. I have no one else, nothing else,”he said quietly.
(Um… depends. Usually it’s a couple at a time, with ‘supervisors’, lol. But, other times, it’s most of them chasing each other)
"Then it is both a symptom of the problem and the problem itself. By not eating, you feed the inability to not find peace, which makes you not want to eat more. It is a cycle, De'Tearion, that needs to be broken, lest you die." Jackie replies.
She takes a breath. "Technically, you have me now. So I think that's one step to gaining back your lost will."
(Oof, damn. That must be a pain in the ass)
“How can it be broken? I have been fighting this for nearly three human decades, and every opportunity, especially those that nearly succeeded, has failed. Why continue when there be no solution?”he questioned.
De’Tearion paused at her words, shrinking away from them. Every time he found hope, it was crushed. And, every time he found friendship or even love, it was destroyed. He couldn’t do it again.
“‘Shattered’ be a more fitting word,”he commented, his shaky voice barely audible.
(It can be, but it’s also fucking hilarious, lol)
Jackie sighs. "I get the feeling that if you truly do your best. . . you can break this angry, hateful cycle."
She takes a deep breath.
"'Shattered. . .' such a beautiful word, before you understand its meaning." she murmurs.
"'Shattered glass, sparkling like stars on the floor. . . reflecting my shattered soul, fragile as a bird.'" she whispers.
(Lol, whenever they don't run across your feet or any other part of your body, sure)
De’Tearion snorted,”My rage has been with me my entire life. It will take more than merely ‘trying my best’ to be rid of it. It will take more than me to be rid of it.”
His breath became shaky as he fought against another wave of tears. It was humbling to know, to experience, the weakness of his will. He couldn’t be alone. He couldn’t survive alone. Agatha had always been there, but he had still been alone. No one had comforted him, protected him, loved him despite all of his flaws. Mina had been willing to take that role, until he’d betrayed her. Then, he was alone once more, figuratively and literally. That had emotionally crippled him, likely beyond repair. He needed someone, possibly more than he was already aware.
But, how could he explain it all? How could he ‘break the cycle’, as Jackie said? His every attempt had failed, and he didn’t know how to fix it, or avoid it. He was helpless, sinking into quicksand and screaming for help, even as his mouth and lungs filled with debris.
He was unaware of Jackie’s next words as he fought the rising surge of troubling thoughts. But, had he heard them, he likely would’ve fully burst into tears, just because it described him so accurately at the moment.
(True, lmao!)
Jackie scooches around to Look at De'Tearion head on.
"Then let me help you. We may have gotten off to a. . . rocky start. But if it makes any difference, I can help you rebuild your shattered will. It may take a while - hell, it may take my entire life - but I'm willing to try." she says, perfectly serious.
(Have you ever gotten run over by a cat? It's funny for about two seconds until you realize you're bleeding, lmao)
(Fair warning, self-harm coming. Just in case, because I can’t remember if you’ve got any triggers. If it’s an issue, just let me know and I’ll change it)
De’Tearion watched Jackie warily, barely able to meet her eyes as she faced him. As she spoke, his composure finally snapped and tears started running down his face.
“You know not what you are imbedding yourself in,”he said, his voice cracking.
He turned away, no longer able to face her as he cried.
“I am more broken than my dear Agatha. I devoted my life to protecting her from the bastards of our species. They attacked her relentlessly, yet she somehow found a way to happiness through it all. I… I only fell further into despair. And… when she… when my dearest Agatha… died in my arms… after moons of watching her decay from a poisoned wound I could heal not… I…”he trailed off, crying into his knees.
A wail burst from him, a high-pitched shriek that shattered any glass within a fifteen foot radius. De’Tearion remained curled, his entire body shaking now. His arms changed into their natural insectile form, reaching into his hair and clawing at his scalp, in the exact spot where he had hidden scars. It was now clear that those scars were created by his own claws, and he didn’t seem at all fazed by the pain as his claws tore into those scars, drawing black blood.
(Too many times to count, lol. I was raised with cats, so yeah… definitely too many times to count, lmao!)
(Lol, I have no real triggers, so the post is fine)
"I don't care, De'Tearion. I really, truly, do not care if you think I can't handle you." Jackie replies softly.
She pauses, then winces, speaking softly.
"De'Tearion. . . I have loved and lost as well. I have seen my own race extinguished before my very eyes, my homeland and family vanishing in a whirl of flame and steel. Since I lost all that I knew, all I could devote myself to was myself, until I finally found my sister. And then, less than a year after I found her? She crumbled to ashes in front of me. She had been nothing more than a shell. . . a hollowed corpse." she whispers.
When De'Tearion starts digging into his own skull, Jackie immediately springs to action, grabbing his hands, restraining him. She knew it might trigger a violent response, knew it was dangerous, but what she didn't want the man to die right there because of his own grief.
(Oof, damn. . . I have a lot of scars on my chest and stomach because of my various pets, usually cats)
(Sigh of relief. Okay, yay, good. I just wanted to double check, lol)
“‘Tis merely you not that I am concerned about,”he commented.
“You were betrayed not by your own species. I was hated by all of my ‘brethren’ for caring about Agatha. Have you ever tried ruling over an entire species that hates you? It took me a millennium to earn an inkling of respect from those bastards, until the night Agatha died. When she ceased, they acted like she never existed, and showed me the first signs of respect in my entire life. I abdicated that night, and made myself an outcast,”he said softly.
The moment Jackie grabbed his hands, De’Tearion lunged forward with a wild shriek. He shoved her hard to the floor, freeing his hands, then held her down, his proboscis appearing and coiling in front of his mouth like a snake prepared to strike.
He paused just before continuing his attack and retracted his proboscis. He then tried to teleport away. Unfortunately, he was only able to teleport a few feet away, before reappearing on the floor, gasping in pain and exhaustion.
“Why have you abandoned me, Mercy? Why have you taken away everything I have?”he croaked.
De’Tearion sighed, then simply laid there, too dazed to move at the moment, and too depressed to motivate himself to try moving. He was barely aware that the scratches on his head were still bleeding.
(I have scars mainly on my arms and feet, lol. Mainly from cats. I’ve had dogs before, but I am not a dog person, and I’m being very serious when I say that. But, anyway, back to the cats, lol)
(Lol, have you even seen the roleplay I have where I'm using Nyx? If I had triggers, I wouldn't have even written that fucker in the first place XD )
"Then who else is there to be concerned about, De'Tearion? Neither of us have anyone else." Jackie counters.
She doesn't even flinch at De'Tearion's violent reaction. She didn't fear death, not even by having her blood painfully drained from her. She just stares up at him, waiting, until he moves.
Slowly, she sits back up, ignoring the painful signals her body is sending her.
She says something softly, in a purring language, and a small nimbus of light hovers just above her palm.
She runs it over De'Tearion's wounds, healing them, releasing the spell afterwards and taking the man's hands.
"Mercy, whoever they are, has abandoned us both, De'Tearion. So we need to find someone who won't abandon us. I'll stick around, as friend or enemy. Whatever you need."
(Lmao, I'm not good with dogs either. For some reason they just don't like me. Cats, on the other hand, absolutely adore me)
(No, I haven’t seen the rp, but I am very aware of Nyx, so it makes sense, lmao!)
“You misunderstand. I will be unable to handle it. I have tried to rebuild myself twice before. The first time I nearly went feral. The second time, I made a single mistake that ripped my near-success down to nothing. I cannot suffer that again,”De’Tearion whimpered.
Maybe it was her lack of fear, or even the look she had, which reminded him of her willingness to let him feed. De’Tearion wasn’t sure, but he just couldn’t go through with his attack. It was… like a window, and Agatha stared back at him, resolute… and disappointed.
De’Tearion flinched when Jackie came over with light in her hand. He then relaxed a bit as she healed him. It was actually quite shocking. No one had ever healed the scratches on his head, not even himself. And now…
Jackie took his hands, and De’Tearion breathed deeply, startled, but also relieved. Such a simple gesture meant so much to him, and there was no way for him to properly emphasize it.
“Mercy be Fate. She be the Moon, and Nature as well, yet she mostly be a form of Fate. And, her name be extremely misleading. Mercy be often merciless,”De’Tearion quietly explained.
He hesitated to respond to the rest of her words, but he noticeably focused on their entwined hands. It soothed him, and he slowly started to relax the longer their hands were together.
“I… know not who I need, except that I have had enough enemies for a lifetime. And, I have been alone for far too long. I hate being alone. There be no emphasis fitting enough to express how much I hate being alone,”De’Tearion said softly.
(Lol, I know the feeling with the cats. But, for some weird reason, dogs seem to like me, even though I can’t fucking stand them. Though, it doesn’t help that most of the dogs I had were pure fucking idiots, but I’ll spare you that very long ranting session, lol. So yeah, you won’t ever see me with a dog, lol)
(Lol, yeah. Nyx has always been an. . . interesting character, but he went through development in the time I was gone. He's even more broken, mentally and power-wise, than he was XD )
Jackie traces a small scar on De'Tearion's cheek.
"I have tried and failed too. The only thing you can do, though, is stand up again and start walking towards your goal." she murmurs.
She looks up at De'Tearion, and asks him a question: "Who are you seeing in my face right now?"
"Mercy is your driving force, then. . . as Compassion is mine, though it has been too long since I have followed him." she smiles a little.
"Then I'll be an ally. Since technically, we were enemies for a while. Even as an ally, you'll not find relief of my company or my words. You should be sure that you'll never be alone, as long as I still breathe." she chuckles.
(Dogs. . . it's a 70/30 chance, in favor of them not liking me. Puppies are a bit of an exception, but they aren't technically "dogs" per say, just needles and fur, lmao)
(Oof, lmao!)
“It can be tiring… getting up every time one falls. I have fallen too many times in my life. Yet… I understand. I also will need help. My strength has waned over time,”he said with a sigh.
De’Tearion flinched at her words, not answering her question, and fleeing via his failed attempt to teleport.
“I understand not what you mean by ‘driving force’,”he mentioned quietly.
De’Tearion smiled softly at her words, then moved their entwined hands to his lips, where he gently kissed her fingers. He, however, didn’t look at her.
“I am grateful, yet… I admit I am skeptical. Convince me, I beg you,”he breathed.
(It’s a 90/10 chance favoring me not liking a dog, so yeah, lol. Yeah, pretty much, lol)
(Yeah, lol. I don't even know how, but I came up with something that completely shattered his mind and spirit, turning him into a full on demon. He ended up exploding in the process, vaporiving about four layers of reality with the ammount of force released, but now he has true planar travel and multiversal manipulation, can condense the very fabric of reality into a crystal of mana [or, in one notable case, an entire layer of reality, but eh] has a particular ability to cause immense pain with a single thought, and looks so much better than he did before!)
"I know that first-hand, how difficult it is to get up whenever I fall," Jackie says, shifting slightly as she speaks. "But I will help how I can, to make you stronger."
Jackie catches De'Tearion's hand as he flees, stopping him. "Stop running, De'Tearion."
"If Mercy be Destiny, then it drives you. As Compassion drives me, Mercy drives you. Though neither of us embody those virtues very well." she explains.
Jackie blushes lightly as De'Tearion kisses her fingers.
"'Convince you. . .'" she murmurs, pulling one of her hands away, using it to turn De'Tearion's face towards her.
She brings her lips to his, kissing him, then pulls away.
"I kept you alive for three days while you were in a coma. If that isn't convincing, I know not what is." she smiles.
(Lol, why such hatred? I can understand it if you've had bad experiences with dogs, but 90/10? One of my hands was torn wide open because of a dog at one point, but I don't neccessarily hate them that much XD )
(Damn, lol)
“I appreciate that,”De’Tearion said softly.
De’Tearion wrenched his hand free, glaring defensively at her.
“Why? What be there for me when I stop, except for more of the same horrors I have faced my entire life?”he hissed.
De’Tearion chirped in acknowledgment, then snorted.
“As I mentioned previously, Mercy’s name be quite the opposite of her personality. ‘Merciless’ be a good description of how I used to be,”he said.
He flinched slightly when she freed a hand, concerned. However, his worry quickly turned into surprise when Jackie turned his face and kissed him. When she lifted away from him, all he could do was stare blankly at her until her words finally registered in his head. Then, he was fighting tears.
“Y… you tended to me while I was unconscious?”he asked shakily.
(Long story short, dogs fucking annoy the hell out of me. I’ve only had one dog who wasn’t a total fucking dumbass, but he was a very unique individual. Otherwise, the rest were useless, dumbass nuisances)
(Yeah, lol)
Jackie smiles softly, nodding.
She stands up fluidly, glaring back.
"Because running gets us nowhere, De'Tearion."
"You seem not merciless to me, usually. I think currently, you have shown much more mercy to a woman who tried to stab you than you probably should have." she snorts.
Jackie traces a small little star shaped scar on De'Tearion's face.
"Does that surprise you? You were cold, and just keeping you near the fire wasn't helping your heat. Why do you think I was lying on you when you woke up?" she answers.
(Lmao, fair enough)
De’Tearion snorted,”I have nowhere to go, thus it be of no concern to me.”
“As I said, it describes how I used to be. Currently, I believe… ‘lost’ would describe me best,”he replied with a sigh.
As she traced a scar on his face, De’Tearion almost reached up to remove her hand. He wasn’t used to such attention. However, he didn’t move, instead just quietly savoring the rare gentle touch.
He considered her reply for a moment, finally realizing why she’d been on him. He hadn’t known he was cold either. Jackie had saved his life.
“I…”
A tear slid down his face.
“I had expected not such kindness. ‘Tis such a rare thing,”he breathed shakily.
"Then don't go anywhere." Jackie replies simply.
"'Lost,' then 'found.'" Jackie retorts.
Looking at De'Tearion, something clicked into place.
Something in her view of the world shifts, and she sees not just a broken man, but a broken boy, looking for kindness in a harsh world.
Gently, she pulls the big man forward, resting his head on her chest.
"I am not a kind woman, I hope you know that. I am not meant for a bloodless life." she murmurs.
"But from now on, any life I take will be to keep your hope and happiness intact. I shall fight for both our sakes. And I do hope you know that I won't stop cracking jokes at your expense. After all, I have to tease you sometimes." she adds with a soft laugh.
De’Tearion stared at her blankly. He had no idea how to reply, or even react, to that.
“‘Found’, truly? I doubt that. I am still deep in a maelstrom that I have been trying to escape for decades,”he said.
Jackie pulled him against her and De’Tearion wrapped his arms around her, his hands shaking. More tears trickled from his eyes, and he quietly sobbed.
“I believe we have that in common,”he said softly.
“Why are you vowing such things to me? Why risk your life, in many ways, for me?”De’Tearion asked.
He was a lost cause, or, at the very least, getting that way. Too many had died for him. Too many had died under his care. And, those he loved most were always the ones with the worst deaths.
Jackie tilts her head.
"What? Why is that what stuns you?"
"Well, I somehow wandered into your maelstrom from my own. Or maybe they merged. Either way, I'd consider that 'found.'" she replies.
"Indeed, we do. . ." she nods.
"Because I care enough about you and too little about myself." she murmurs.
De’Tearion hesitated. He didn’t know why. Or, at least, he hoped not. If he did, then that opened up a world of thought he didn’t want to explore.
He shook his head, not answering.
“Hmm… when you speak of it like that, it makes some sense,”he conceded.
De’Tearion held her closer, still sobbing.
“That, I believe, be something we share as well,”he breathed.