Nico waved Bel off. He did need sleep but he couldn't, not yet. The meal wasn't quite over yet and he was always the last one to leave. He wasn't breaking that now. He leaned around Bel to look at the other siblings. "If you would feel more comfortable eating your tent, by all means please do. But please eat. You need it. All of you do. You need to keep your health up." He was trying to be genuine but in his tired state it might of come out slightly wrong.
"You can go to bed if you would like, Bel. I'll meet you there in a bit. I always wait." He still had over half of his dinner left on his plate. He couldn't decide if he was hungry or tired, and it made it hard to eat. He sipped the water that was pushed towards him before taking another bite.
"We're fine," Miran's firm voice responds. He stands shortly after, Val and Treya following closely behind him.
"Don't try to order them around," Bel says as softly as he can after his siblings make their disappearance. "They're in a brand new environment and are plotting to kill our father. The more you push them, especially Miran, the more they'll resist." He pokes a little more at his food before deciding that it's useless. He sets his utensils down with an annoyingly loud clank. After, he slides what's left of his meal to Nico. "I'm going back to the tent." These people make me uneasy. "I'll be waiting for you." Bel wishes he didn't have an audience so he could kiss Nico's temple, but he doesn't want any public affections yet, so he settles for a below-the-table squeeze before standing and following where his siblings had just disappeared from.
Nico looked at Bel, listening. He hadn't meant anything wrong by his words, only mere concern. But he understood how it coukd have been said wrong. He only nodded his head, rubbing at his eye to try to keep then open. "I'm sorry. It will get better," he murmured softly. At least he hoped it did. "I'll be in soon."
Kaillas was moving in the shadows already. He had been following the other siblings but now that Bel was leaving on his own, Nico wanted him on the prince. The other siblings can handle themselves but Bel not as much. "Kaillas is going to make sure you get back," he said as Bel rose. "It's just a precaution. You won't even notice him."
Nico sat there for at least another half hour, waiting for everyone to finish their food and clear out. He had everyone clean up their plates. Left over food was scraped into a bin to give to the live stock so nothing went to waste. Nico slowly picked up his and this siblings food, disposing of the food and placing the plates at the window if the kitchen to be washed. He slowly trudged out of the mess tent, hands in hos pockets, making the short journey back to the tent.
Bels siblings had disappeared from the beaten path. He doesn't try to find them–getting back to his own the inky thing in his mind. The sky is dark and unnerving. Even with Kaillas somewhere watching him from above, Bel's still fidgety and frantic. Luckily, Bel finds their tent with ease and ducks through the flap.
Warm light from Nicos bedroom emits through the air. Bel's shoulders sag with relief as he toes off his boot and sets them to the side. He's in the bedroom in an instant, changing his days old clothes into something much more breathable, and they happen to be Nico's.
By the time Nico's there, Bels in bed and sleeping softly, his arms wrapped around a pillow.
Nico finally pulled back to flaps to walk in, securing them behind him so they wouldn't blow around if there was wind. He didn't see Bel in the living room so he figured the prince was on his room. He kicked off his shoes near the entrance, leaving them lying there. He could deal with them tomorrow after he slept.
He entered the bedroom to Bel sleeping on his bed, wearing his clothes. There was a soft smile on his lips as he saw that. He pulled off his shirt and took off his trousers, leaving him in his underwear. He dumped the clothes on the floor, again too tired to deal with it. He carefully got into bed so he wouldn't wake the sleeping prince and wrapped his arms around him.
Home. This was home.
There's a shift in the bed, right behind him. Bel's eyes open to slits, too sleepy to fully open them. "Hi," he drawls, looking over his shoulder at Nico. He smiles softly before relaxing and having his head hit the pillow. He finds himself fully leaning into Nico's touch, sleep already retaking him.
Bel doesn't dream that night, thank the gods. For the first time in a week he sleeps through the entire night with Nico right there beside him. The blankets are warm and the mattress is soft and he only gains consciousness again when he hears the morning songbirds twittering outside.
Nico kissed his cheek softly. "Go back to bed," he murmured, pulling the blankets over them and tucking them in. He had one arm wrapped around Bel's stomach and the other one under his head. As soon as Nico's head was settle on the pillow he was out. He had hoped he was too tired to be able to dream but that was not the case.
His sleep was riddle with paralyzing nightmares that eventually pulled him out of sleep. His eyes snapped opened, breathing heavy. He carefully untagled himself from Bel so not to wake up him before padding into the little room. He grabbed a glass and a bottle of whiskey, filling the glass and taking a drink. He repeated that two more times before filling the glass and taking a small sip before putting it on the small coffee table. He brought a hand to his head, rubbing it.
Bel stirs, rolling into the space of the bed where Nico should be. When he's met with nothing but cold sheets, his eyes snap open. He feels the empty half of the bed, just to make sure, and then sits up. Okay. Nico rises with the sun, so Bek doesn't consider it too odd, but he at least expected to be woken up with a kiss and a good morning.
Carefully, Bel slides out of the bed, taking a thinner blanket with him to wrap around his shoulders. "Nico?: He calls, stepping out of the bedroom and into a smaller one. He smells the alcohol first, already unnerving enough but even more so this early in the morning. And then he sees Nico standing beside a table with whiskey. "Love, are you alright?" He asks, slowly appraoching the other man.
Nico had long since stopped drinking. Or at least stopped pouring more. He had settled on the one glass he had slowly been drinking over the past hour or so. He was exactly sure. His sense of time wasn't the best in his state at the moment. He wasn't drunk but he wasn't necessarily sober either.
He jumped, startled at the sound. He turned to see Bel standing there and gave him a small, sad smile. "I'm fine love, go back to sleep." He didn't want to burden Bel with his nightmares.
"It's morning," Bel states. How long has Nico been here? Has he lost track of time? "Did you sleep at all last night?" Was Bel sleeping through Nico's suffering? Guilt curls deep within his chest. He should've been awake. He should've been there–
The alcohol causes bile to raise in Bel's throat but he pushes it down, approaching Nico. He unwraps the blanket from his shoulders and drapes it across Nico. "We promised no more lies," he says quietly, coming face to face with Nico.
Nico just sighted softly, smiling as he accepted the blanket. He took a couple stumbling steps to the couch and sat down. Though if it was because of the alcohol or lack of sleep, he didn't know. He motioned for Bel to come sit next to him if he wanted to.
"Just bad dreams, that's all. I didn't want to wake you. You need your sleep." Nico was exhausted but he knew if he went to sleep it would just be plauged with more nightmares.
"Do you think you could at least try to sleep again?" Bel asks, taking a seat right beside Nico. Their thighs are pressed together, their shoulder blades touching. "Maybe if you took smaller naps throughout the day?" That's what had worked for Bel after his mother died. He found sleeping in the day wad much easier than the night.
"And don't feel bad about waking me," Bel responds. "Please, you're more important to me than another hour of sleep." I'd rather you let me hold you than go to the alcohol first thing, is what he doesn't say.
Nico placed his glass on the side table, seemingly done with it. As Bel came to sit next to him, he draped the blanket over both of them, resting his head on top of Bel's. "To doesn't matter," he finally said. "Whethere it's just a nap or all night I'm going to have nightmares."
It had taken him months the first time to just be able to sleep through the night, more until the nightmares finally subsided. He knew this was going to take awhile. He was going to be in a state of exhaustion for a long time. Until the nightmares just finally stopped. Drinking did the trick last time. But he had drank himself to oblivion then and that wasn't as appealing now. Not with Bel.
"Stay here," he started to get up, "let me go brush my teeth." He knew Bel hated it. The smell, the drinking. He wanted to at least wash it off of his breath. He trudged to the makeshift bathroom, managing to only trip twice and brush his teeth. He didn't bother looking at his reflection in the mirror. He knew he looked like hell. When he finished, he came back to the couch and all but collapsed on it.
Bel's face twists as he tries to think of a proper solution. Treya's an alchemist–perhaps she could brew a tonic for a long and dreamers sleep. Something that would block memories and dreams for only a few hours. He'll have to ask, both his sister and Nico. It'll be a better alternative to drinking himself to unconsciousness.
Bel watches ad nico stands and heads to the small bathroom. He hides a smile behind the hand rubbing his cheek. It's considerate. Sad, but considerate. Nico trips twice and Bel wants to run to help him, but Bel deems it better to give the man his space. "You look terrible," Bel notes as Nico returns to collapse on the couch. He opens his arms and allows Nico to slump into them. "I know you have a lot to do today, but at least be kind to your body. For me." It's his turn to rest his chin atop of Nico's head.
Nico immediately collapsed into those open arms, moving his body down so he was able to rest his head on Bel's chest. He huffed a small laugh at the words. "Thanks," he pinched his side, "that's what no sleep and alcohol do to you." He was half lying half sitting on the couch. It wasn't very comfortable but as long as Bdl was holding him he didn't feel like moving.
Nico felt as terrible as he probably looked. His head was clouded and anytime he tried to focus on anything his head immediately kept showing him memories of his time in captivity. It was why he was drinking. It helped keep his mind clouded but he didn't like it. Not this time around. "We have to get up soon," he murmured. He made no move to actually get up. Despite the uncomfortable position he was quite comfortable.
"Maybe drink some tea instead of alcohol," Bel suggests with a shrug. "Your liver might last longer." He kisses Nico's head, and then kisses it again. "If you need to find particular teas, I went through a spell were that's all I made. I had a tiny herb garden right on my balcony. Lavender, chamomile, camellia, lemon, raspberry–" He laughs thinking about how excited he was at sixteen to wake up every morning and water them. After a rough winter, they couldn't blossom and grow back. Maybe once he finally has a permanent home, he'll be able to start up his small garden again.
Bel makes a face. They do have to get up soon. With the events Nico had just been through, his condition will get better, but just very slowly. Travelling can't be healthy for him. But the Solstice is in three months and they don't have time to just sit and recover. When they arrive in Blakkast, Sella is sure to give them the means to recover.
Nico laughed quietly, turning his face into his chest. "You're probably right," he muttered. He shifted his body so he lowered until his head was resting it on Bel's lap. He smiled sleepily up at Bel, yawning. But he knew better than to try to go to sleep. It wouldn't go well. He had gone longer without sleep before, before, and after he had been captured. He could do this, even if every bone of his body was screaming for him to go to sleep. "We can try some tea tonight if it pleases you. Maybe it will work." He didn't think it would, however. It might delay the nightmares and allow him to get another hour or so but the nightmares would come.
Just another hour. Just a little bit longer. He would just shut his eyes and relax. But he couldn't stop his eyes from shutting and slipping off to sleep. But it didn't last long. It took less than half an hour before his eyes were snapping open and gasping for air.
"I would like that," Bel says right before the man in his lap closes his eyes. Nico slowly begins to drift off and Bel takes his time slowly carding his fingers through his hair. It's in desperate need of a good washing–perhaps they could attend to that later in the day. Bel loses track of time as he messes with the sleeping king's hair. Outside their comfortable tent, he can hear the rest of the camp wake up and begin their day, beginning to prepare for the week's travel ahead of them.
Bel's just finishing his fourth small braid in Nico's hair when he stirs and jolts awake. Thinking quickly or not at all, Bel moves his arms away, not wanting to cage Nico in when he's recovering from a sudden nightmare. "Hey–" Bel starts softly. "Nico, hey, you're okay–" Bel doesn't even know if the other man can hear him. Bel knows he's not fully operational when he wakes from a nightmare, perhaps Nico is the same. "Love, can you hear me?" He places a careful hand on Nico's shoulder, hopefully grounding him rom the terrors of the sleep.
Nioc sat up straight, breathing hard and heavy. He was stating at the floor, tears stinging his eyes and he brought a hand up to rub them away. He startled when a hand touched his shoulder, jumping. He was glad that was his only reaction because when he noticed Bel he realized how much worse he coukd have reacted. One time he had put Cassian in a chokehokd for waking him from a nightmare before he even realized he had done it.
He brought one hand up to his hair to brush it back, stopping when he noticed the braids. He didn't want to ruin Bel's work in his hair. He nodded slightly. "I'm okay," he said quietly and not at all convincing. "It just is what it is. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep." He put his hand on top of the one Bel had placed on his shoulder, squeezing it.
Bel briefly retracts his hand as if he had been burned, but then quickly replaces it when he notices how Nico relaxed. "It's okay to not be okay," Bel says softly. "You know… You know he can't hurt you anymore, right? He's dead." Bel doesn't say Ronan's name, worried of how Nico could react. Miran told him the day before that he killed Ronan himself, unknowing that it was the same man who tortured Nico for months. "You're safe." Bel may not be able to hold a sword or win a fistfight, but he's damn determined to ensure nothing will happen to Nico again. Nico doesn't deserve the torment and the torture–
"Would it help if we got you a sleep tonic? Something that could knock you out for a few hours. You wouldn't have to worry about nightmares," Bel suggests.
Nico finally turned to face Bel. He tried to smile but he just couldn't manage to lift his lips. "He haunts me, Bel. He always will. I'll be free of him even if he's dead." He knew he was safe from Ronan. At least physically. But mentally, he would always be with him. He knew there would be good days and bad days. And there were still many bad days ahead of him. He hoped it wouldn't take as long as last time. Last time had been hell. He didn't know if he could go through that again. It had almost been too much for him then.
He sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "I've tried a few and it never really helped. Just kept me in the nightmare longer." He only tried a couple. Sleeping droughts weren't necessary for the camp so he never pressed the issue. he didn't want to seem weak in front of his people. He couldn't be weak to them. Not with everything on the line.
There will always be bad days, no matter what. Bel has bad days of his own, Nico will have plenty of bad days ahead. The prince squeezes Nico's shoulder before rotating his hand to link their fingers. "Just don't deal with your demons alone," Bel says quietly, leaning forward to press a kiss to Nico's forehead. "I love you too much to watch you go through that."
"What if we made our own solution? My sister is a skilled alchemist and I'm sure she could help us with something that could turn your memories off for the night." While mages use magic to solve things, Treya has always been one to use chemistry and science to fix her problems. At only fourteen, she had been the one to manufacture a fireproof salve for the soldiers fighting mages of fire.
Nico's eyes fluttered shut for a moment at the kiss. He breathed a small sigh at the touch. "Bel, the things I've faced, the dreams I have, it would frighten you too much. I can't do that to you." He couldn't watch the horror on his face grow on Bel's face as he told him the things he saw in his sleep, everything he had gone through. "I love you too much to put you through that."
He squeezed Bel's fingers without hurting him. He thought for a moment. "Do you really think she would do that for me? The man that kidnapped her brother?" He didn't think that Treya would do anything for Nico. He had taken her brother and forced him along the road with him. He had put him in several dangerous positions and had hurt him and broken his trust.
Nico's right. Bel knows it'll make him sick to know the horrors that Nico had gone through. "I just…" He sighs, absently dismantling the braids along Nico's scalp. "I don't want you to go through this alone. You don't have to." I'm here. I'm always here. "And I'm sure I'll be able to convince Treya of anything with a few well-baked brownies."
His younger sister has a devilish sweet tooth. She often sucked on chocolates as she worked in labs or licked at lollipops when walking through the halls of their palace. Really, it only cements the fact that she's so young. She only turned seventeen a few weeks prior. He's going to have to make her a cake. A brownie cake. That would kill two birds with one stone. "You could have a brownie too if you'd like." He smiles at that. If he can't help Nico through his nightmares, maybe he can help him distract from them.
Nico reached his hand forward to softly stroke the skin on Bel's neck. Finally, his lips turned into a smile. "I'm not alone, not anymore. I'll tell you what I can but sometimes talking about it doesn't make it better." Sometimes it just kept the memories fresh and kept the resurfacing. And he would sugar coat it as much as he coukd so he didn't disturb Bel too much. He loved him but he didn't do very well with violence.
"I would love a brownie. With extra chocolate." He leaned in to kiss Bel's nose affectionately. "Remember what I said. I'll eat anything you make me, even if it's terrible." He leaned in to kiss him softly. "Would you like to come bathe with me before we have to leave?"
(Ahjfdjs don't question how it works when they're in tents, I didn't get that far ahead in planning that haha)
