Even though Avalin had only been in the royal crypt once, she still felt out of place as she walked with her husband. Around them rested his and Thor's ancestors, royalty, and now their son rested here as well. She stopped a few steps before the stones, looking over the three. It was clear which one belonged to Leif, but she still took a moment before walking closer. "What do we say?" She asked in a soft voice, her eyes trained on the tablet, "I don't know if there's anything that is a proper enough goodbye for him."
His throat closed as he tore his gaze away from the headstone tablet to glance at his wife, thinking for the millionth time that she was definitely the stronger one in the relationship. He sucked in a breath, turning back to their son. "I'm not sure. I don't want it to be a good bye though." He murmured, brushing his thumb along Avalin's hand for comfort, whether for her or for himself he didn't know. "I wish we could have held you, my prince. Even if it was just once." He started in a soft whisper. "While we'll forever be grateful to see you with mother, it's not how I wanted to be with my son." He gave a sad smile and slowly knelt down in front of the graves.
She nodded, listening to his words while trying to hold back the sadness in her voice. Avalin knelt in front of the stone with her husband, speaking quietly while holding back tears. “I didn’t spend much time with you while you were with me. If I had known it was all the time I would have with you…I would’ve spent it with you in a heartbeat. I can’t wait to see you again.” She closed her eyes after she spoke, chewing on the inside of her lip to keep herself put together. After a long moment, she asked, not opening her eyes, “I should have taken more care of him when I was pregnant, right? I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to get you out of your cell in time to meet your son that I wrecked the chance of you seeing him at all.”
Loki shook his head, gently wrapping his arms around Avalin's shoulders, pulling her into his embrace. "No my darling. You did your absolute best, especially considering the condition you were in. The conditions I put you in. All I did was sit in a cell for months while you worked so hard both with the sentence you were given and with the pregnancy." He sucked in shaking breath, glancing up at Lief's grave, a strangled noise coming out of him as he finally let everything out, everything he had been shoving deep inside. "If anything, I deserve the blame, for the position I put both of us in, for the worry I put you through, for not being there as I should have, for not saving out son." Whispered the last few words, glaring at his hands for a moment. Sitting in front of his son's grave, he knew he didn't deserve to be here, embracing his wife. He didn't deserve Avalin, not for all the heartbreak he had put her through. "I'm sorry, I truly am sorry, Avalin."
"No, don't blame yourself." Her voice wavered and she didn't look up at him. The idea of having Loki use his powers to save their child was swimming in her mind, chiding her for not trying the idea before it was too late. But there was nothing they could do about it now. It was something from the past. "You've done more than enough love, the position we were put in was something you couldn't help. You took my place in that cell to keep me safe, neither of us knew that I was pregnant. You were doing what you could for our family." She hugged him tightly, both to keep herself from overthinking anything and to keep him close to her. "We'll see Leif again. He's not gone forever, and your power is the reason we can see him." She sounded close to tears as she spoke, but she didn't look up at him, not wanting him to see her cry again. "He's not gone forever, that's all we have to remember."
Loki tilted his head up to keep from breaking down in tears again. "I should have never switched with you. At least then you would have been cared for properly and safe." He hugged Avalin close, pressing his lips to her hair and breathing in heavily. "I know," he murmured softly after a few minutes of silence. "But that not how it should be. He should be here with us, not in Valhala with mother. It was too early for him." He raised out, already feeling his throat closing up. He gently tilted Avalin's chin and pressed a kiss to her brow. "We will, as much as I wish he were here with us, I'll take whatever time with him we can get."
She closed her eyes, a few stray tears running down her face as she leaned into him, taking whatever comfort she could in the moment. Avalin sighed, sniffling as she tried to get her emotions under control. "I think we should get going," She murmured softly, feeling another wave of tears building in her, "Otherwise I'll never get out of here without feeling even worse for everything. If it's even possible to feel worse…" Leif deserved much better than what had happened to him, and the longer she dwelled on the thought, the more she realized she could've done to fix the outcome. Even though there was nothing to do but mourn now that he was gone. "Is it bad to need to get away? To take a break from this?"
Loki gently cupped her cheek and pressed their heads together. He took in shaky breath after shake breath, eventually calming himself down enough to manage a nod. He brushed a final kiss to Avalin’s cheek before reluctantly standing up, gently pulling his wife up with him. He silently shook his head, wiping his tears on his sleeve, Princely manners be damned. He had all the reason in the world to be devastated, to be angry. But he didn’t ant to dwell on any of that, especially on the anger. He stepped forwards and pressed his hand to the tombs polished jade surface, feeling an unnatural warmth from it. “We shall meet soon, my prince. I swear it on my life, no matter how immortal it may be. I am honored, and proud to be your father, my son. No matter how short that time may have been.” His voice trembled, dropping to a whisper as he pressed his brow to the stone, urging it not to break as an ‘I love you’ was said. He turned his gaze up too the heavens before turning to his wife and tugging her into his embrace. “No, I don’t think it is. we’ve been through too much in the past few years. I think a break is in order. A very long, extended break.” He tried to offer a smile but he couldn’t even manage that at the moment.
It was Avalin's turn to comfort as she hugged him tightly, finally pulling away moments later. "We should go then. Find somewhere to relax and make up for the time we've spent apart." Barely, she pulled the hints of a smile to her face, lacing a hand with Loki's. Before she made any move to go, she gently reached up with her free hand and brushed away the remnants of the tears from his face. It was natural for the both of them to cry and feel sadness over the situation, and she knew it had to get better eventually, but she hoped the gesture would show him that she was at his side.
Avalin took the first small step from Leif's grave, a final sad look passing over her face as she looked at the stone before she turned away. She didn't let go of Loki's hand as she walked away from the grave, saying nothing until they had exited the crypt. Even then, she didn't speak, simply let out a soft breath.
Loki nodded numbly as he let Avalin pull him away from the memorial back toward’s the crypt’s doors. He wanted to take Leif with them. He didn’t deserve to be in such a dark place filled with ghosts. He wavered slightly, feeling his knees go weak as broke away from their son’s resting place. He had half the mind to stay, if he couldn’t bring Leif back then he’d gladly tay here until his own death. He stirred slightly from his thoughts and pressed into his wife’s hand, immediately dispelling the thought. Leif was gone from this world. As much as Loki wanted to fight and scream with every ounce in his body, accusing the world of its unfairness, for first taking his wife away for five torturous years, then his own son, he knew, despite his now worthless power, it wouldn’t change time. He wouldn’t leave Avalin here to drown in grief. He’d make up for those years lost, slowly but he’d try his very best for her. He pressed his hand to hers and kissed her palm, managing out a ‘thank you’ as he found the strength to pass the threshold of the crypt, a shuddering gasp racking his body. He took a few moments to gather his thoughts, ignoring the guard’s sympathetic glances. In another time, he would have erased their looks with a mere glare but now, all he could do was soon his features into a somber expression as they walked through the halls that once had been their home. “Where would you like to go, my queen?” Loki asked softly once they had walked for a bit in silence. He glanced down at her and offered a wavering smile, still reeling from seeing Leif’s tombstone.
She didn't respond for a long moment, walking with him down the halls until the silence had stretched long enough that one could forget there was a question in the first place. "Midgard." She answered softly, glancing up at her husband with barely veiled pain and saddness, "Or one of the other realms. Anywhere but Asgard…I can't spend any more time here." It wasn't much of an answer, but the longer she thought about it, the less she cared where they ended up. As long as it was away from everything, and she was with Loki, anything was alright. There were too many emotions surrounding the palace, and the city. Too much had happened recently, with losing her husband to solitary confinement, following by the loss of their son.
Loki let himself be consumed by the silence as they walked, barepy even noticing the guards they passed, not even responding to their 'your highnesses, our deepest condolences.' and such. What did they know if their pain? Of losing their son? Loki almost fed into his anger, entertaining the idea of raising an argument, solely so that he could feel something other than pain and numbness. But he didn't. He wasn't that many anynore. After all, who was he to say those other people haven't lost loved ones? He glanced back towards his wife as her voice brought him out if the fog and nodded. He had her, at least. That's more than he deserved. "As you wish, my queen." He murmured softly as they arrived at their room.
(Wanted to say a happy….is it four years? Around there? Of this continuing on lol…I can't believe it's over 100 pages now, and I can't believe it's lasted on that far anyway. Thank you for keeping this going, it's changed so much from the beginning and yet I wouldn't change that for a single thing. Thanks my friend <3)
(Also, sorry for the wait)
Avalin opened the door to their room quietly, scanning it in the same way. Their bags were already packed, and all they had to do was grab them and leave, and yet she took her time walking in and looking around. Finally, she ended up at the bed, grabbing onto the handle of her bag with a silent sigh before looking towards her husband. "Do we need to do anything else before we leave?" The idea of speaking to Thor passed through her mind, and it would probably be wise to talk to him, but she didn't care either way. It would take precious energy to do so, but there was the possibility that Thor would like to speak to his brother before they left for the next while.
(hello! Yes! Congrats on 4+years and 100 pages!!! It's definitely changed a lot over the years, but I completely agree, wouldn't change a thing XD Awe thank you as well! <3)
(Don't worry, same hereXD)
Loki quietly shut the door behind them, and leaned back against the door, eyes vacant as he took a good look around the room. Loki still felt like a stranger in their chambers. He had refused to stay here for the years Avalin had dissapeared, unnable to bear the absense of his wife alone. Then he had spent another year imprisoned, so it had been well more than five years since he had been inside. "I don't think so." He murmured, gaze resting on Avalin. He walked towards her and wrapped her in his arm around her, wanting to do nothing more than curl up in bed with her and sleep for an eternity. Soon he told himself. He heaved a deep sigh and pulled back just far enough to look down at her. "You know we'll have to see him eventually before we leave." He murmured, not any more happy about the idea of seeing his brother than she was. "It'll be quick. The moment we finish we leave." He promised, pressing a kiss to her brow and managing a small smile. "If you so wish, we never have to see him again."
She sighed in slight disappointment at the idea of having to see his brother but she nodded, "We should go see him then…get it over with so we can leave." Avalin looked up at him, pulling on a tiny smile onto her face. Thor had caused Loki and herself more pain than anyone, and yet he was king, and he was also Loki's brother; they couldn't just leave without talking to him. Shifting her bag in her hand, she pushed up onto her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "If you're ready love, we should go. I can't handle being around here much longer…" The sooner they got out of here, the sooner she could forget about the pain for a while and the sooner she could be in Loki's arm, resting and taking some well deserved time together with no one to bother them or anything to get in their way.
Loki gave a laugh at seeing his wife so stoic. "You could kill many a men with that gaze, my dear." He murmured, pressing his brow to hers and brushing his thumb over her cheek. "You can't tell me you don't have more than a few select words to tell my brother. It'd only be right to express those emotions rather than keep them inside." He quirked an eyebrow and gave Avalin's hand a gentle squeeze. "As you wish, my Queen. We'll be on Midgard by tonight." He promised, pulling away slightly to shoulder one of their bags and then to drag their larger suitcase outside their room for when they left. He sucked in a heavy breath guided them both towards the throne room, sending a small prayer to his mother for a smooth final day on Asgard.
"I…can't say what I'd like to tell your brother," She admitted, scowling at the ground for just a second before looking up at him, "I'll try to be nice though, just so we don't get thrown out of Asgard while trying to leave." She followed him out of the room, closing the door behind them as he set the bags outside. Then, she laced her fingers with his, giving his hand a gentle squeeze as they headed towards the throne room. Truthfully, she couldn't have cared less about letting Thor know about their leaving, but for the sake of not being chased around Midgard and for her husband's relationship with his brother, she would take the time to tell the King they were leaving.
Thor sat in the throne room as usual, pinching the bridge of his nose as he waved out a prisoner that had been brought forth for trial. He had little patience for some of those who were brought before him, but as it was his job, he dealt with them fairly. The main doors to the throne room opened and he looked up, a smile passing his face as he noted that it was Loki and Avalin. "Brother, it's good to see you around." He called, though his smile dropped and he nodded to the pair moments later, "My sincerest apologies for your loss. Your child was loved deeply before they were even born, and Asgard is heavy with your loss."
"It might get us out of here faster," Loki muttered with a small smile. "Though I'm not fond of the idea of being on the run again." He looked up as they entered the throne room, eyebrow arching as they passed the latest law breaker. Loki gently tugged Avalin a bit closer to his form before they came to stand at the dias of the Asgardian throne. He looked up at his brother. The last he had seen Thor was when Leif had died. While most would say Thor looked the same, Loki saw the grief in his stormy blue eyes. He could see the tired set in Thors posture. "I only wish I could say the same. If only it weren't such a tragic time." Loki said softly. He was in no shape to jab at his brother. While he could make teasing comments here and there to try and life Avalin's spirits, his snarky nature had diminished significantly since Leif's death. "He really was," Loki agreed, forcing down a wave of sadness that passed through him. "None heavy as we," Loki too a deep breath and gently squeezed Avalin's hand. "Which is why we're here. We've decided to take a leave. We can't stay in Asgard."
Avalin glanced at the criminal as they passed, a look of calm indifference on her face. She quickly turned back to the conversation at hand though, listening to the two brothers talk. There was little she wanted to contribute to the conversation, but she wanted to -and had to- be there to support her husband and get permission o leave.
Thor’s eyebrows knitted together as he looked at Loki, “So soon? There’s been no proper funeral for your son, are you sure you want to leave now?”
“We’re sure.” Avalin pipped up, her voice strong and her tone showing she wasn’t going to fight him on the subject. “Too much has happened around here for us to spend any longer on Asgard. We will come back and take care of the funeral…but for now we’re leaving.” She hesitated to say that they would come back, but she knew for a fact that coming back to give Leif a proper funeral would be the only time back on Asgard in a while. They needed a break, and she wasn’t simply asking Thor for permission. She was stating that they were leaving to let him know and nothing more.
“Very well…brother, where are you going?” Thor replied, nodding his head and looking towards Loki, “I want no reason to hunt you down if you are leaving for a break, but you’re still dangerous. The last time you left…well, it led to you being locked away, if you remember. I need to keep track of you, for everyone’s safety.”
Loki stayed deathly silent as Avalin spoke, a proud little smirk on features as he watched his wife state their situation to his kingly brother. He gently squeezed her hand when she fell silent, pressing a kiss to her temple. He looked up at Thor and gave a small, tired laugh.
“I don’t need a reminder of my faults Thor. I know what I did, but I can’t stand here and tell you I regret any of it. I’d do it again a million times. We paid the highest consequence in losing our son because of that. Neither of us need to be watched like children. Certainly not in a grieving period.” Loki dropped his smile and glared at his brother. “What danger could I possibly pose to you anyways, hm? I have nothing else to lose save for Avalin. And I will not make that mistake twice.”He shrugged, trying to relax. “Besides, why ask now? Where was this ‘concern for safety’ when Avalin was pregnant? When the baby was being delivered? Hm?” He waited a few moments, a sad smile flickering on his features. “We’ll be around here and there. Perhaps Midgard for a while, maybe other realms. We’re not too sure right now, save for not here.” Loki started to slowly back away from the throne, turning his back to Thor as he walked towards the doors. “If you want to find us, there’s this wonderful little thing Midgardians have called a phone. Use it. If I find Asgardian guards on our doorstep sent from you I can’t guarantee they’ll be sent back in one piece.” He threatened, tugging open the and leading Avalin through. “Good bye for now, Brother.” He nodded once before following Avalin towards the exit of the castle.
(Hi grace! saw that you were back, glad to see you again! I genuinely hope you're doing well! If ya still want to continue this I'd be more than happy to jump back in!)
(Oh gosh hey!! It's nice to see you again, and I'm totally down to continue this! How are you doing?)
Thor's face dropped into a grimace and his jaw tightened as Loki spoke though he didn't speak. A clear flash of pain crossed his face when the baby was brought up, but he still didn't speak, not until Loki started backing away. "Very well brother. I bid you on your way. But if I hear of your name when it comes to any more destruction, I will not hesitate to send for you again. I wish you both the best, and good luck with your travels brother." Thor nodded in their direction, pulling a soft, sad smile on his face as he addressed Avalin. "I wish you peace during your grieving. Asgard is here for all you may need to cope."
"Thank you," Avalin answered politely, dipping her head in farewell before following with Loki, hooking her arm around his as he led the way out of the throne room and castle without looking back. "Well, to Midgard then? Somewhere relaxing?" She truly didn't care where Loki brought them, as long as she was traveling with him. Anywhere he chose she was sure to love, whether it was the views or the experiences, she would be eager to see it all. Especially if it took her mind off of the pain of grieving again.
(I'm doing well, stressing my through college but we're surviving. what about you, how have you been?)
"Anywhere you wish, my love. If you want to go to Midgard, then Midgard we shall go." Loki gently taking Avalin's hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it. "I'm proud of you, Avalin." Loki said as he lead them both through the halls of the castle one last time. "You're growing into your role as queen quite amazingly." He chuckled softly and. nodded back, gesturing towards the throne room they had left. "Even I would hesitate to speak so freely to Thor after all of this." He waved a hand in the air and grinned at his wife.
He glanced up once they reached the entrance of the castle, the bifrost already open and ready to bring them to whatever realm they chose, and away from Asgard for a while. Loki took in a deep breath, falling silent for a moment as he thought about lief, about his imprisonment and how he had left Avalin alone to be a servant for years while with child, how so easily he could have avoided all of this. "I truly am sorry, my love, for everything." He said softly, starting to walk down the bifrost. "For reverting back to old habits the moment you had left, for putting both of us in such a terrible situations and for all the pain that came along with that." He turned to her before the gates of the bifrost and gently took both her hands in his. "I will spend my immortal life and longer trying to fix all that I've messed up." He promised, nodding to the guard on duty to open the gates, to finally let them leave this realm filled with both amazing and terrible memories.
