forum Guess who is completely out of steam?! (0/0 GAY and CLOSED)

Started January 09, 2020 by Deleted user

tune

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"Oh…how long will you be there for?" Kyle asked grabbing his books as well. He hopped it wouldn't take long, he already wouldn't get to see him after school.

"I don't know. She talks a lot." He forced out a small laugh, walking to their first class. He sat down and pulled out his phone, texting Rowan.
pick me up at 10. can't stand it here much longer.
He slipped his phone back in his pocket, guilt coursing through him in waves. Kyle's going to think I left him..but If I tell him..well..I guess I could tell him..

Kyle nodded. "I guess I won't really see you today then. Good luck with that meeting." Kyle kissed Payton and then walked off to his first class.

Payton's fingers hovered over the keyboard on his phone before typing out a text to Kyle.
Rowan's coming to pick me up at 10. i'm too mentally and emotionally exhausted to stay here. love you lots. eat lunch. I'll be home later tonight.

Kyle froze when he saw the text. I did it…it's my fault. Kyle his back his tears.
I'm sorry.
Kyle didn't go to class, instead he walked behind the school and threw his phone against the wall. It cracked. "I made him want to leave it's my fault…" he whispered.

no no don’t apologize!! I haven’t been taking care of myself lately. please it’s not your fault.
He texted back quickly, praying that Kyle would see it.
please answer me. If you don’t I’m coming to find you
dont jump to conclusions Kyle. You didn’t do anything wrong

Payton waited a while, staring down at his phone. please answer..don’t do anything irrational… He hoped.

Kyle slid down the wall. Hugging his knees, Kyle felt unwanted. "He doesn't even talk to me anymore. Instead, it's Rowan who makes him feel better, so what the fuck am I here for. Even if he does have a boyfriend, Payton still relies on him like he used to rely on me. Why?"

Payton sighed and asked to go to the bathroom, looking for Kyle in the ones nearest his class before sneaking past a couple teachers to get outside. He glanced around for Kyle and spotted him against the wall. He let out a breath of relief and quietly took his place next to his boyfriend. “What are you doing out here?” He asked, trying not to sound completely exhausted.

"What are you doing here? Don't you have that meeting thing soon. You should get going. Then Rowan's picking you up right? Must be nice…" Kyle mumbled tracing lines in the dirt.

“You know it’s not your fault that I’m leaving, right? I feel like shit today so I texted him on an instinct. You didn’t do anything. I haven’t been taking care of myself and I can’t get through six more hours of school. But I won’t leave if you don’t want me to.” Payton explained quietly, bringing his leg up to his chest and resting his chin on his knee.

"You can go. I don't mind. I mean…" Kyle stood up. "You do need someone to talk to right? I don't seem to fit the bill." Kyle smiled before walking back to the front of the school.

"Stop walking away, just listen to me!" Payton's eyes filled with tears as he grabbed onto Kyle's arm, his whole body trembling. "You told me to treat you normally so I've been doing that! I've been pushing all of my emotions away so that you'll feel safe and happy and unburdened but I can't do it anymore. I'm so worried about you almost every second of the day. I'm scared that I'll wake up and find you dead on the bathroom floor because I wasn't there to stop you from killing yourself. Or I'll come home one day and you'll be gone because I wasn't there to care for you and tell you that I love you." He sobbed, leaning against Kyle's shoulder and crying into his shirt. "Just tell me what's wrong..tell me you're okay. I want us to be okay again."

"That's why I didn't want you to know! You're worried your scared. I don't want that. Mind you that was the only time I did it because you left. I thought you were gone. I thought you just went up and left because I'm not good enough. All you have to do is stay by my side and say I love you. If you would stop worrying and being scared all the time maybe just maybe I wouldn't have to feel like shit. I just cut myself whenever right. No reason. I just do it. That's what you're thinking and I'm sick of it. I'm not going to commit suicide because I want to. I want to live with you. I want to be with you. Then when you say you can't take it anymore it breaks me. What did I do wrong? What did I say? Is it because I'm depressed? Is it because he doesn't want me? Those are thoughts that are running through my head. When you don't talk to me about why your feeling so down. I could change. I know it's because I've been distant, but I hate you seeing me like that. I hate you look at me like I could die at any moment and like I'm a corpse. I'm not dead damn it! Why don't you get that?" Kyle yelled.

"I'm sorry I can't control my emotions. I'll try harder. I'll do whatever you want. Tell me what I'm doing wrong. I can fix myself. I won't leave. I'll cancel my plans with Rowan." Payton replied quietly, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to stop crying. "I'm sorry." He added, wiping his eyes.

"You're not doing anything wrong you're just…you're implying that I won't have a future. That hurts. All I've been talking about is our future. Just stop worrying so much when I'm standing right in front of you, telling you I'm fine. If you want to go back to the way things were than trust me. Joke around with me. Laugh with me. Do stupid things together that I know we shouldn't do. You don't have to cancel your plan with Rowan. Just trust when I say I'm fine. Please." Kyle begged.

"Okay..I'm sorry for being such a horrible boyfriend." Payton looked down at the ground, feeling fresh tears sliding down his face. He wiped at them quickly. Don't let him see you down. He doesn't want to see you like this. Stop crying.

Kyle took Payton's face and kissed his lips. "Stop it. You're not a horrible boyfriend. I'm glad you're worrying, but I don't want you like to the point where you think I would die. If anything I'm a horrible boyfriend. I've hurt you so many times. Don't beat yourself up like that."

"But I made everything worse instead of making you feel better!" Payton sobbed, burying his face in Kyle's neck. "Why did you do that to your phone?" He asked after spotting Kyle's broken phone laying on the ground.

"You can't make me feel better. These things take time. I was mad and sad and I need to throw something just so I could watch it brake. I'll just ask for a new one." Kyle shrugged and stroked Payton's hair. "You should go to your meeting thing, first period is almost done."

“Were you mad at me?” He asked quietly. “Can I still leave at 10? Will you be sad if I do? I don’t have to.”

"What did I just say? Stop worrying I'll be fine." Kyle joked. "Seriously, no worrying. You'll be spending all afternoon with me tomorrow so I'll have you all to myself. Soon."

"Okay. I should go then." He murmured, leaning away to look at Kyle. "Sorry for..making you sad." He added, kissing Kyle's nose. "I'll see you tonight."

"I won't let you get off with a kiss like that when we're alone." Kyle walked Payton to the wall and kissed his lips. "Just a little make out session. Is that okay?"

“If you keep me here too long I’m going to fall asleep.” Payton murmured, kissing Kyle softly and slowly.

"Yeah, right, You won't fall asleep as long as I'm kissing you." Kyle slipped his hands around Payton;s waist. He planted a kiss on Payton's lips. Kyle held it as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.