From his ears to the tip of his chin, it was all flared in red. When Ivory repeated about Max's dream of marrying him, Max hesitantly nodded. He knows it will never happen. No one will allow it to. And even now, he still dreams of it. "Huh?" Could such a thing like marriage ever be possible?
His mind was hyperactive. It bounced all over the place causing him to panic when Ivory gasped. Is something going wrong? His eyes ran around before settling back on his…uh….his…..friend? Yes, his friend…
Regardless, he struck multiple chords within Ivory. He looked back into Ivory's eyes while squeezing his hand. How long has he had these dreams for? Maximillian wondered if they were similar to the ones he would have; the ones that he still has. Deep down, he hoped that Ivory still held those dreams and feelings. He wasn't sure what to make of this hope.
"You can never be such things. Ivory, you are heavenly as the clouds above," He breathed. The smile that grew on his face as he spoke soon disappeared as his lips quivered. They slightly frowned as he lowered his head, looking away from Ivory. "But I should have kept this to myself. I do not want to upset you or lose you…I'd rather keep these feelings hidden if that meant I still have you in my life as a friend."
"I need you in my life. This is why when I was away, it was difficult not having you there…There were days where I yearned to hear your voice…I needed to in order to go on." He froze for a moment, staring down at Ivory's hand he had placed over his heart. "For all this time you have been in my life, I cannot go on without you, Ivory. I cannot, yet I feel like my feelings will ensure my fears of losing you…not having you in my life."
Something made Ivory laugh softly. He loved the look on Max’s face, though he knew his own must look something similar. “You know, we could elope,” he murmured. Then he coughed and looked to the side. “Maybe. If you want. We don’t have to. It’s fine if you don’t want to. It was just a suggestion.” His heart quivered at his own words.
Of course he still held those dreams and feelings. He had just locked them away for so long, but now that Maximillian had returned to him, they were breaking out again. He hated it and loved it all at once. And yet… did that mean that he and Max were feeling the same things? He wanted to marry him, and Ivory honestly liked the idea, perhaps a little too much. “No, you are the heavenly one,” he insisted. “I have always just been a growing tree, trying to lift my branches up to reach you.”
He wished he could feel the warmth of his dear one’s skin. Ivory’s brow furrowed as he watched him lower his head. Oh, damn it all. “My dear, dear Maximillian, now you listen to me,” he said firmly. “I am not upset in the least. In fact, I’m so glad that you told me and that you had the courage to be honest with me. Never ever will you lose me because of something like this, I promise you.” He paused, his body shaking again as he listened to him. “Oh…” He felt tears in his eyes, and he tried to blink them away. “Oh Max, it was the same for me. It was so difficult, it felt like you had died along with Pearl. I couldn’t live as I once had. I could never lose you again…. If I did, I might as well lie here and let death claim my soul. I…” his voice shook. “I think… I am in love with you too, Max.”
Eloping. If they elope, then where will they go? He has a job offer in Stockholm, but would Ivory go all the way there with him? What will become of Ivory's mother or the estate? What will happen to them? All of these what-ifs stacking upon one another yet only one thing was apparent: he wants to be with Ivory. He wants to be able to wake up in the morning and see Ivory laying next him.
"Ivory…Is this your way of proposing to me?" Letting go of Ivory's one hand, Max kissed the back of it. "Yes…Yes I will marry you…yes I will elope with you as long as this is what you wish." Tears may be filling up in his eyes and his worries are all over the place, but he smiled. He laughed as a few tears fell. Rest assured they were tears of joy and relief.
Listening to Ivory made him untangle. All the nerves that wrapped around bundling him up had held him tightly for so long. It kept squeezing him till now. Now he had to fight the tears that most certainly will win if he doesn't keep constantly blinking. He isn't sure what kind of tears they are now, but the urge to cry is there.
His hand stroked the side of Ivory's face. "I promise you that I will never go to any corner of this world without you at my side. I'd rather die than be away from you again." It may be quite cliche to say that he cannot live without him, but he cannot live without him. All those years away while studying; sometimes he wanted to give up because of the pain of loneliness.
Maximillian stared at Ivory the same way he has been for years with wide eyes of fondness. The longing, yearning made his heart ached. Ivory's words relieved him of this aching. Max breathed, "I love you, Ivory."
Maximillian’s words wrapped around his heart and squeezed it tight. “Oh, Max…!” His kiss to Ivory’s knuckles only squeezed it tighter. “It was only a suggestion!” He insisted. “I’m ill after all, we don’t need to rush into things.” He laughed sheepishly, but seeing the tears spilling from his dear one’s eyes made his eyes wet too. “Ah well… perhaps it was a proposal, in a way.”
But indeed, he was ill. Despite feeling better than the previous day, he still had the sense that he would collapse if he even tried to get out of the bed on his own. Not to mention his paralyzed hands. He was likely going to sleep a lot after this.
He managed to keep his hand on Max’s chest, though his other hand landed back in his lap. Leaning into Max’s touch, he sighed faintly. It was true; they both felt the same. A bit shyly, Ivory turned and pressed his lips to Max’s palm, something he couldn’t do not a few minutes earlier. This slowly giving in to hidden desires, it was strangely exciting.
Ivory turned to his dear one, the soft words stealing his breath away. Leaning forward, he moved his arms and wrapped them around Max in a full embrace. “I love you, Maximillian,” he whispered. His voice wavered slightly as his chest tightened and his eyes filled with tears and spilled down his cheeks and onto Max’s shirt. Memories and hopes filled him. And yet, somehow, something tainted the moment. If only he was stronger. If only he wasn’t sick. If only they didn’t have to say these words under such circumstances.
Oh heavens, his excitement must have made him way too thrilled. The thought of his raging giddiness made him become sheepish. "Ivory, it is a suggestion that I am incredibly fond of." Max tried to use the back of his hand to wipe away any tears that try to fall from his eyes. "Yes! Let's take our time. You have no need to worry, I will be at your side." He laughed softly. It may be childish, but he had wanted to propose to Ivory first. Definitely would be lovely to in the garden or in the spring when everything will be in bloom.
In these moments, he had forgotten about Ivory's illness. He wondered if this was all too much for Ivory. They share the same feelings for each other. It is like a dream come true for Max. On the other hand, this is a lot for him to deal with; he is sure that is must be the same for his beloved. Between the illness, paralyzed hands, him being back, and now the new turn in their relationship, there must be a lot of stress being put on his beloved.
The kiss on his palm left him still. No more was there a fight between him and the tears that may fall. Dreams and desire collided as he sat there with wide eyes. They gleamed a little, staring Ivory. His heart thumped.
Gently, he carefully moved his arms around his dear. Maximillian rested his chin over Ivory's shoulder. "Oh, my dear Ivory," He cooed then kissed the side of Ivory's cheek. This moment is just everything to him; it will play in his head over and over again. But yet, something feels off. Nothing major, although it is enough to make him a bit worried. "Is everything alright? Anything that I can do for you, Ivory?"
A faint tint of blush still remained on Ivory’s cheeks. “Oh… alright.” He giggled faintly. “Yes, stay with me, I will return to health more quickly.”
This likely was a lot of stress being put on him, but he wasn’t quite conscious of it yet. Besides, being in his dear one’s arms like this makes all his troubles seem insignificant and conquerable. He just needed to sleep once Max had to leave for the day, he was sure. Maybe once he saw him again in his dreams, he would fully realize that what was happening now was real.
But this? He knew it was real. It had to be. Ivory tried to calm himself and take deep breaths, but gasped softly when Max kissed his cheek. His heartbeat quickened. How could anyone love him like this? He wasn’t worth it.
He let out a shaky breath. They seemed to know each other too well. But of course, Ivory wanted to be honest with him. “Ah, I’m alright, Max. I just… this is so new to me, and…”
He paused. Were those footsteps? Ivory felt a flinch of fear. Reluctantly, he pulled away from Max and looked at him with wide eyes. “Stand up,” he said quickly. He could hear the footsteps growing louder. “Someone is coming.”
And indeed, someone came. A knock was heard at the door, and a young male voice said, “Your Grace, I have a light meal prepared for you. The Duchess does not want you skipping breakfast.”
Ivory sighed. Glancing between the door and Maximillian, he said, “Come in.”
Max laughed. This feeling of happiness coursing through him, he hadn't felt something like that in years. Something like the soft blush on Ivory's face just gave him meaning to beam.
He sighed. "The body takes time to heal," He pointed out. "Regardless of time and speed, I will be here with you, no matter how long it takes…So do not make haste, it may do you no good too." All he said was true. While he is going to do everything in his power to held aid Ivory and his body to recovery, he will be with him the whole time, even if it takes awhile for there to be any sign of progress. There will be, he can guarantee it.
"Oh it is alri-" His heart almost jumped out of his throat. Sounds of footsteps against floor rang in his ears. He quickly stood up.
"Fuck-" As swiftly as possible, he got off from the bed and went to kneel in front of his bag. His glasses slid off and fell onto the floor as he pretended to look for something. Everything was blurry. Details were unfocused past his elbow.
When he looked over his shoulder at the door, there was only blurs. He picked up his glasses, wiping the lenses carefully before standing up and putting them on. Maximillian's expression remained rather nonchalant, but his eyes were more better at showing the truth of his bleakness and inner turmoil. Still he held himself tall with shoulders rolled back. He kept his eyes away from Ivory.
(Mwahahah interruptions mwahahaha >:)
(Btw, I feel like Less Than Zero by The Weeknd fits them really well ^^)
(omg i love The Weeknd! i think it fits them too. i really do love that song)
(Ye, me too! I was just listening to the song for the first time and it really reminded me of them shdijdkmxkj)
Ivory could only open his mouth, stop, sigh, and close his mouth again. Max had misunderstood him. He knew he could not consciously control how his body healed or didn’t heal; he was trying to compliment Max, perhaps even flirt with him a little. He had tried to convey to him that his mere presence would make him heal more quickly, that he was a healing force in his life. He always felt wonderful when Max was with him, as though he were a warm fire in the middle of winter. But that was too complicated to clarify now, besides, there was a larger issue at hand.
Ivory glanced at his dear one worriedly, then up at the door. The young manservant entered, carrying in both hands a silver tray with a small plate of food, a simple glass, and a pitcher of water. “Your Grace,” he greeted bowing his head to Ivory before nodding to Maximillian. “Doctor Solomon.”
Some of the tension left Ivory, at least for a moment. The man didn’t seem to have noticed anything. “Malcolm,” he greeted amiably as the silver tray was set before him. The plate held an egg, the white pooling around its golden yolk, and apple slices, thin so he could eat a little bit at a time. “Thank you,” he said, but he looked at the food with dull eyes.
Malcolm nodded, but tilted his head. “Is there something wrong, Your Grace?”
The sickly duke could only shrug. “I am not hungry.”
There was some confusion in Malcolm’s eyes, but it was tinted with some resignation, like this was expected but not really understood. “I’m afraid the Duchess insists that you eat. And I believe Doctor Solomon would agree. Do you need assistance?”
Ivory hesitated, glancing at Maximillian briefly. “Ah, later? I would like to be alone with the doctor for a moment longer. We were discussing something important.” It was true, though not the whole truth.
Max did in fact misunderstood Ivory. Even when he has to think as a doctor, he often finds himself missing certain social cues and not picking up specific context clues. A lot of things fly over his head of it isn't particularly of medical nature. Worst part is is that sometimes he doesn't even notice this at all.
How could he in this moment? He looked away from Ivory, worrying that his eye contact could give a lot away. The color of his face was finally returning to its natural complexion. It is difficult to hide all of these feelings again. While it may be a foolish thing to want, he wishes that he doesn't have to hide these feelings. This, he knows, would be impossible.
He stood at the end of the bed with hands held in front of him. When being greeted by the servant, his lips thinned as he gave a nod. The tray faintly glinted in the corner of his eye. Max turned slightly to take a look at the food.
Appears that Her Grace is heeding his instructions which he is very grateful for. Of course, it is up to Ivory to further this, but he will not enforce anything. It is up to the patient to decide after all. So when Ivory said he wasn't hungry, he knew best to leave it at that.
As he placed his hand on Malcolm's shoulder, he stepped forward and smiled faintly. "I will come fetch for you when His Grace is ready to eat, if that is alright with him, of course." Maximillian finally gazed over at Ivory. He bit the inside of his cheek to deal with his heart jumping around.
The young man looked up at the doctor, then nodded to both him and the duke. “Of course, of course,” he said. “You can ask for me or one of the maids.”
Ivory nodded, smiling faintly. “Yes, that’s just fine. Thank you again, Malcolm.” He nodded to him a little to indicate that he was dismissed.
“You’re welcome, Your Grace.” He bowed his head. Then briskly turned and left, closing the door behind him.
A small sigh escaped Ivory. He glanced down at the food, then up at Maximillian. As though sensing his beloved’s frantic heart, he assured, “I don’t believe he noticed anything between us. And Malcolm is a good man. He has been a wonderful help to me, both now while I am ill and over the recent years.”
He glanced down at the silver tray before him. He just couldn’t understand. Why couldn’t he just eat? The food looked well prepared, as always, and the egg carried a delicious scent, but other than that, everything about it looked unappealing. If he forced himself, perhaps he could eat, but then he would grow nauseous and/or his body might reject it. The apple might not be so bad, however…
Max bit the inside of his cheek. His gaze kept going all over the place. Not solely because he worried about getting caught, but because his worry made his mind run into so many corners. He needs to be constantly looking around. His right index and thumb lightly tugged the edge of his sleeve.
Staring down at his shoes, he gave Malcom a nod as his way of saying thanks and bye. When the servant had left the room, a weight was lifted from his shoulders. Hearing Ivory's voice made him shiver. It was soothing to him. His beloved's assurances helped settle his mind.
Slowly, he made his way over to the bedside. He placed his hand on Ivory's shoulder while staring at the food. Small steps are important and beneficial, but not when they are forced. "I did advise your mother to put forth some effort in eating, although only as much or little as you can," He mumbled. "I can put the tray aside if you wish."
Taking an apple slice, he broke a little piece off at the corner. The slice was already so thin. It would be nice to see what happens if Ivory tries to eat something even if it was as simple as a small piece of an apple slice. He held it down to his dear Ivory. "It is alright. Try this, but I am fine if you do not. I am here for you either way."
(They really are the anxious bean + depressed nerd combo)
Ivory looked up and smiled at Max as he came beside him, mostly to further reassure him that nothing was wrong. As his dear one put his hand on his shoulder, he realized they were tensed up and finally let them relax. “I see… I believe she told me as much. It is alright.”
He wanted to eat. He was a plant, and plants needed food too. Granted, they had the ability to make their own, and Ivory did not. He watched as Max took the apple slice and broke off a piece. Smiling up at him again, he chuckled, “With you here, helping me, it makes it easier.” Before he could have second thoughts, he ate the apple piece from Max’s hand. He chewed it a bit then swallowed it quickly. It wasn’t so bad. Though, it didn’t change anything about his lack of hunger, either.
Ivory leaned against his beloved, taking a breath. “I believe I can eat a little more. But only if you are here to help me, dear Max. Your presence makes it easier. I don’t want anyone else here.”
That mesmerizing smile left him breathless. Maximillian was no match for Ivory and his beaming grin. He smiled back, "Oh how you flatter me, my dear Ivory. I am glad to be of help."
Any small positive progress is still progress. Seeing Ivory eat the small piece without any negative reactions is more than enough to give him hope. Yes it was only a tiny bit, but that is all he needs. Max moved to kiss the top of his beloved's head.
"I will stay for as long as you need me." The hand that rested on Ivory's shoulder trailed up to brush through his hair. Then he broke off another tiny piece, handing it to his dear. "Only eat as much as you can. Please do not force yourself. I am here with you."
Ivory snickered, loving the way his Max reacted to him. “If you ever need to be flattered, just say the word and I will deliver.”
And yet, he too melted at the kiss to his forehead. He leaned into Max’s touch, wanting it so, so badly. It was enough to make him forget about the feeling of having to eat. “Then stay with me forever,” he murmured. “I want you, I need you for all my days.”
A sigh left him as he turned to the piece of apple being offered. He wanted to eat again. It was small, minuscule even. Barely anything. And he convinced himself to eat once more from his dear one’s hand. He pretended that he was just kissing it. Ivory swallowed it down and exhaled. He closed his eyes, then looked up to Max. “I… I did force myself, but it’s alright. I want to eat. But I think…” he looked down at the plate. “I will stop here and then try to eat again a little later.”
Max gawked as his love snickered. His jaw hung open as his face turned red. Once he closed his mouth, he swallowed then shook his head. In a joking manner, he scoffed, "Oh, you devil! I do not believe I need to say anything. You have a talent for doing so already."
And it is true. For those words…Those words. That heavenly God-forsakened voice. The things Max would do just to be at Ivory's side till his last dying breath. Even in the after life, he wants to spend eternity by his side. Notions of honor and pride are outweighed by what he feels for this man he has been captivated by for years.
His hand combed through his beloved's hair again. The silky feeling made it tempting for him to do. It was calming to him for it is one of the many features of Ivory that he loves. "I would cease to exist if you are not in my life, Ivory. Each breath I take, I breathe for you. Till the end of time, I am yours."
The look of the plate made him sigh, yet he smiled when Ivory looked up at him. "Let's not focus on eating for a moment, Ivory. You have done your part, exceptionally," He reassured, placing the tray on the nightstand. After smoothing out the sheets, he kissed his dearly on the cheek. "You really have made progress. You should be proud of yourself."
Ivory could only snicker more as Max’s face reddened and his jaw went slack. “Ahah, your face is so humorous like that.” He reached up and tapped his dear one on the cheek.
But he did this only to find his own cheeks red and his chuckles to turn into a heavy sigh. Every time his beloved touched him, he only craved more of it. “I feel the same, Max. I… I don’t want you to leave today…” he whispered.
Ivory nodded faintly, letting him take the tray. His gaze lingered on his dear’s smile, but he only smiled himself when his cheek was kissed. He was quiet at first. Something prevented him from truly agreeing with his love. “We shall see if I have made progress,” he murmured. “I wish I could say I was.”
He did not really accomplish much. Two small pieces of an apple. The real progress would come if he actually hungered for more.
Something about Ivory makes him feel more enamored. "I do not want to leave you, Ivory." His sunshine in a crowd of clouds. His ray of light in a dark night. Whenever Max is with him, he feels like he is at home. Seeing those flushed cheeks gave him the desire to kiss them all over. His lips buzzed at the near thought of doing so.
The murmurs made his thoughts stop in their tracks. If he were to be frank, it would be more ideal for Ivory to eat more than he did, but he also would rather have him eat two small pieces than nothing at all. Introducing food again is complicated. Max has had patients who purge after having a meager bite of bread, but most of them have gotten better in a matter of days. Patience is truly a virtue. Nonetheless, he decided to not say anything. Idling on the subject could sour his beloved's mood.
"How about this…" Max leaned into Ivory. His face radiated with a smile as he kept stroking his love's hair. "What if I stayed for the night? I could arrange to leave tomorrow at the time I did yesterday that way we can spend the night together. I will take care of you. Perhaps read you a story or two. Accidentally fall asleep on your shoulder. Wake up together…What do you say, my dear Ivory?"
Ivory moved wrap his arms around his dear one’s waist. “Stay.” His fireplace in the cold, dark house. The lantern that lit his path. He could not bear being without him. It would be torture after already spending many a long year apart. He just wished that he could get well so things would truly be back to they were.
He looked up at Max and basked in his smile. He leaned into the touch to his hair. Then, his eyes grew wide, and he hugged him tighter. “Oh, Max, please. That sounds so wonderful. I would love that. Thank you.” He hid his face in his waistcoat.
The thought of Max spending the night with him, here… it sent shivers all over. He did not quite remember if they had done anything like this in the past, but he did find himself being reminded of childhood once again. He thought back to all the little plans and schemes they would concoct, fulfilling their own pleasures instead of following what was expected of them.
He looked up at his beloved. “But, ah… it is alright if you need to sleep somewhere else. There is always a guest room available.”
Stay. Oh that word. How could he ever leave this man's side? Just the thought of having to made him frown. It would have caused his heart to sink within his chest, but feeling Ivory's arms around his waist prevented this from happening. His heart was always fluttering when it came to his love, but Ivory had always found ways to make it leap again and again.
Max giggled at the sight of Ivory's eyes. If they grew any wider, he would've been able to see himself in those gorgeous irises. "Of course, my love, my Ivory," He breathed. After planting a kiss on the top of his dear's head, he gingerly twirled a strand of Ivory's hair. They are together now, and they will be together tonight. He was looking forward to it, for he already saw the stars when they beamed from Ivory's eyes.
Gently, he used his hand to take a hold of Ivory's chin. His thumb stroked the side of it as he spoke. "You have always been kind and caring, my love," Max smiled. "There's no need, I'd rather sleep with you. I want to wake up with the love of my life beside me." He kissed Ivory's right cheek then caressed it.
He smiled, leaning into Max’s touch. “Have you been thinking about this for a while? It seems that you have.” He blushed at all the pet names. Oh, it would be such a shame if they were interrupted again. Ivory hoped that his mother wouldn’t get the idea to check on them to see if he had eaten or something.
He gasped softly as his beloved took his chin. Though he was not expecting it, he soon leaned into it, his heart pounding in his chest. He also hoped he would not make any mistakes in this. The only thing worse than being separated from Max was being the cause of their separation.
These worries were pushed to the back of his mind when his love kissed his cheek. “Alright. I would love to wake up beside you as well.”
Max squinted his eyes before having to look away. Oh Lord, all of the things he had thought about when it came to Ivory, all of the things he will think about. "With someone as handsome as you, it's impossible not to," He chuckled softly while his fingers drift down his love's rosy cheeks. Lifting his fingers up, he repeated the same thing again. He prayed that nothing or no one would interrupt them. He prayed that time would stop for a little bit just so they could stay in this moment a little longer.
He did his best to forget about all those worries and what-ifs. Besides, the more he found himself wishing things, the more he missed of being with Ivory. And he could not afford to miss any more time not being with Ivory. "Thank you," He whispered. Quickly, he kissed Ivory's left cheek. His heart thumped as his eyes opened up, looking at his love. Max sighed, "You have no idea how long nor how much I have wanted to wake up next to you. I only ever want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life."
