forum this is waht i have for a a harry potter fanfic so far
Started by @Star_Girls_puppers_was_attacked
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@Star_Girls_puppers_was_attacked

Chapter 1
Hermione´s Pov:

The War Was Finally Over! Harry Had Killed Voldemort but that didn´t mean all the hurt and pain was gone . No, the war may have been over, but the pain was just beginning. I slowly dropped my wand from my hand and walked away from it, leaving it behind. I didn´t want to be anywhere near that life-ending machine and right now I didn´t care if I ever used magic again. Those lives I killed, sure they may have been our enemies, and sure they may have deserved it. But I didn´t want to be the one to do it I sat down on a pile of rubble and looked around, Everyone mourning for thier loved ones. I closed my eyes Gently, hoping that this was all just a bad dream.

¨Hey¨ I hear a voice say.

I open my eyes and look towards the voice. ¨Hey¨ I repeat back.

Ron sits down next to me, so close our thighs were touching.

¨Please tell me this is all a dream, A really bad dream¨ I Pleaded him.

Ron's Pov:

Hermione´s words hit me. She was hurting and I couldn´t help her. I couldn´t take the pain away I wish I could take her pain and transfer it to me, but I couldn´t, and it pained me. I slipped my arm around her waist and she layed her head on my shoulder. I felt so useless like…… like a weasley….. I just pulled Hermione close to me.

Hermione´s Pov:

I felt Ron wrap his arm around me so I layed my head on his shoulder my eyes drifted to the dark sky and I closed them feeling the wind brush against my my face. A tear Trickled down my cheek as I thought about all the people who died during the war, Lupin,Tonks,Snape,lavendar, even poor little Collin lost his life in the war. I quickly opened my eyes to the sound of Mrs. Weasley screaming. Ron and I quickly stood up and ran to Mrs., weasley, picking up my wand on the way. Once we were over with the rest of the weasleys, I was about to ask what was wrong when I gasped in horror. Fred was kneeled next to a body and Ginny was sobbing into Harry's chest. I stepped forward and saw that the body lying there was no other than George Weasley.

¨Well let you say goodbye¨ Mrs. weasley said.

The rest of the weasleys as well as Harry slowly walked away, but I stood there not wanting to leave Fred alone.

¨Georgie wake up! it's not funny anymore¨ Fred said through his sobs.

I kneeled down and placed my hand on Fred's shoulder ¨Fred……¨ I Said tears swelling up in my eyes.

¨Hermione he's not waking up! Tell him to wake up!¨

I slowly closed my eyes ¨Fred…George H-he's Gone¨. I Stuttered. I never stutter , only when I´m scared , but I haven´t been scared in a long time

¨Don´t Say That¨ Fred said sounding a bit annoyed. ¨THE JOKES OVER GEORGE¨ Fred screamed. ¨Please….Georgie ¨ he said in a soft voice, leaning onto George ,sobbing into his chest.

I looked at Fred before looking at George's pale lifeless face. I felt like crying but for freds sake I fought the tears ¨Fred I know how you feel I-¨ I started to say but Fred snapped his head to me which shut me up ¨You have no idea how I feel My brother is lying here not moving, not breathing. you have no idea how that feels you don´t have a family¨ Fred said angrily..

My breath got caught in my throat at his words. Fred slowly turned his head back to his brother. quickly stood up and walked away at a quick pace. I kept walking and didn´t stop until I was far enough away that no one could hear my cries. I sat on a pile of rubble once more. I pulled my knees up to my chest then tucked my head and bawled my eyes out. I was going to sob until I couldn´t anymore. I had held back the hurt for so long that I couldn´t hold it in anymore. I let the tears flow down my cheek. I heard the sound of footsteps coming near and I wiped my wet cheeks, which only smeared the blood that was all over my face

¨Granger? ¨ I heard a voice say and I looked up to see who it was coming from.

Chapter 2
Fred´s Pov:

I watched Hermione walk away and mentally slapped myself. How could I say that to her? I at least had other family, she didn´t, she was all alone. I looked at George one last time.

¨Wait for me Georgie¨ I said before closing his grey dull eyes.

I stood up and looked around for Hermione but she was no where to be seen. I rushed over to Ron,Harry, and Ginny ¨ Have you guys seen Hermione?¨ I asked all three of them and they all shooke thier head. I sighed and walked away. I´ll just wait for her to come back, give her time to calm down. She´ll come back……..right?

Draco´s Pov:

I was walking, looking down at my feet, trying to avoid all the dead bodies around me, when the I heard sounds of a female crying and I looked over to see Hermione

¨Granger?¨ I asked trying to make out who it was.

Hermione looked up as I spoke. ¨What do you want Malfoy?¨ She asked.

I slowly walked over to her and sat beside her. I expected her to push me away but she scooted closer to me. I started to shake a little as I put my arm around her. I was so scared she was gonna hex me but she didn´t she layed her head on my shoulder and I sighed in relief.

¨Um…I´m sorry about that… Ahem¨ I said and she sighed.

¨I know¨ she said.

I patted her head stood up and stretched ¨Come on… I want to show you something¨.

I put my hand out to her. Hermione smiled gently and grabbed my hand. I held her hand tightly and started to walk north. Iheld her closley, I fet strange towards her, I felt as if I had to protect her. I continued to walk with a smile on my face , but at the same time I felt terribile for doing all the things I did. I felt Hermione rub her thumb over my knuckles and I looked down at our hands.

I made a small smile ¨Close your eyes, please¨

Hermione to my suprize obeyed and my smile grew even wider. I heped her walk down the stairs and stood in the middle of a white rose field. I looked at Hermione as she gasped in awe.

¨D-Draco it´s beautiful¨ Hermione said and I smiled widley.

¨I come here when I´m sad It makes me feel better!¨ I said

Hermione smiled as she looked at me.

I smiled back and looked around¨ I´m sorry for the things I´ve done to you guys¨ I said and looked away with tears in my eyes¨ I have feelings, I really do….They…..They made me like this, I said.

I felt hermione hug me and my heart felt like it was burning. I then started to sob

¨Everyone Hates Me!¨ I sobbed out

¨I don´t Hate you Draco¨Hermione said.

My eyes widened and I hugged her tightly, sobbing.

¨Don´t cry¨ she said rubbing my back.

¨Okay ¨ I said wiping my tears away and smiling.

¨There´s that dashing smile¨ Hermione said

I smiled proudly as I laughed,

I see Hermione smile ¨ I believe your a good guy when you wanna be¨"Hermione said.

¨Thank you that means alot, I´ll try harder next time,¨ I told her.

I see Hermione crouch down and pick up a white rose. I look at her then sit down. She sits down next to me and puts the rose behind my ear..

¨Thank you¨ I say and smile at her.

¨For what?¨ Hermione asks me.

¨For everything…. I want to become a better person now¨ I told her.

¨I can help you with that Draco¨ Hermione told me and I smiled.

¨How can I do it?¨ I asked her as I tilted my head.

¨You have to show people your not Souless¨ she said

I sighed and let go of her hand.

Hermione´s Pov:

Draco Malfoy, I thought he was nothing more that a heartless snake, but he wasn´t. He was so much more, he had a heart under all those scales.

I looked at Draco as he let go of my hand and sighed

¨Hey it´ll be okay it´s not your fault¨ I said while rubbing his back.

¨Hermione-¨ Draco started to say but I cut in.

¨NO! Draco it´s not your fault and don´t let anyone tell you otherwise¨ I said to him and saw him smile gently.

¨Your something else Granger¨ Draco said, which caused me to smile.

I looked behind me and saw Darkness and sighed. ¨ I should probally get going before they come looking for me.¨

¨Yeah you don´t want Weaselbee to go into cardiac arrest¨ Draco said with a chuckle.

I stood up from my spot on the ground¨ Goodbye Draco¨ I said as I walked out of the beautiful rose field and into the horrible war zone.

Fred´s Pov:

I was so worried that what I said had affected her so much that she wasn´t going to come back. I sat down on the hard concrete covered in Rubble as I hoped for her to come back. I finally saw Hermione come into view and I sighed a breath of relief. I quickly got up and swiftly walked over to her. As I neared closer I saw that she had a small smile plastered on her lips. I was about to run up and hug her, but before I could get to her Harry, Ginny, and Ron were in front of me, Hugging Hermione before I could blink and I turned and walked away.

Harry´s Pov:

I saw Hermione and quickly ran to her Ron and ginny close behind. As soon as I got to Hermione I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her. She slowly wrapped her arms around my back. I knew Ron and Ginny were Death glaring me, but I didn´t care I was so scared Hermione wasn´t gonna make it through the war, but she did. I slowly let go of Hermione and looked around at our dead friends and shook my head.

¨This is all Malfoys fault if he would´ve stood up to his father, Maybe, maybe collin would be alive, Maybe, Snape would be alive, Maybe George would be alive¨ I said.

Hermione´s pov:

I felt hurt and I didn´t know why Harry´s words felt like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest. I closed my eyes gently

¨You Okay?¨ Harry asked me.

¨I´m fine¨ I responded and opened my eyes.

Harry´s head quickly turned to the side and I looked too. I saw Draco walking away with his mother and father.

¨Let´s end all the Malfoys right here, right now¨ Ron said bitterly pointing it at Draco.

@whimsicalwaterbuffalos_aka_ellia_

I love some good Dramione fanfic! I think this will be a pretty good story. Except, I think that the changing of the P.O.Vs makes it kind of confusing. I suggest limiting the P.O.Vs to 2 or 3, or have longer paragraphs in each one.

Deleted user

Um… I'm not meaning to be harsh. It's a good start, but honestly? Needs work. First of all, I find plausibility issues with Fred and George, I think that Fred would have accepted the harsh reality then and there when he was killed. And you're not writing anyone in character, really. I'm kinda having a hard time reading it because the spelling, grammar, and punctuation are all out of place. There's a few more things I would add but I don't want to seem cruel, just reviewing from my honest, unbiased opinion. However it is much better than most fanfictions I have seen in the fandom, and you have a lot of potential to make an honest to goodness, decent fanfiction if you put your heart into it! Good job, and keep striving for wholeness!

Deleted user

Honestly, I agree with Sparky's view on the grammar. It's so distracting and hard to comprehend. (I know this sounds like an asshole thing to say but I mean it in the least rude way) I think you should try and learn basic grammar/punctuation/capitalization (especially with names) before continuing.
And this might just be me, but this just feels like a first-person-POV of the end of the war. It doesn't work well at all for a prologue/first chapter, considering I have read it in third person at the end of Deathy Hallows.