@Lupout
So I am working on a thing for a contest, and I'm working on a chase scene, and it is just a hair above awful, I need help making my scene convey urgency without being repetitive, establish that my character is creeped out by the person watching them, and that the people chasing them are gaining on them as they run, but also if you have general advice for writing better action scenes I'll take that too. Like I said I could use some serious help:
Nova sat at the table for about an hour, then went to the bathroom, then borrowed back her card to get some food. A little while after she had finished eating she started to notice someone watching her. A man across the room was staring at her, his piercing gaze made Nova’s hair stand on end. Nova saw the girl crossing the room coming towards her and stood up to meet her. The man stood too. Nova started walking to the girl, and the man was getting closer. His hair was close cropped and his build was scary. If he wanted to he could do some damage. The girl saw him and turned back breaking into a sprint.
“Stop!” The man yelled, his deep voice echoing around the terminal. Nova put her hands up but the girl kept running, about four more people had entered the room from different exits. They were closing in on the girl. “Nova Jones, Lavensa Chen you are under arrest under the jurisdiction of the Interplanetary Police.”
“What am I under arrest for?” Nova asked making no effort to hide her astonishment.
“Grand theft auto,” The man said closing in on her, “Obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting a fugitive.” Nova’s throat went dry. That didn’t sound good.
The girl’s voice, Lavensa, called out half way from across the room, “Run!” and before Nova could fully think it through she did. She stumbled backwards a few steps then whipped around sprinting towards the girl. She blocked out her surroundings, the people chasing her, she let everything keeping up with Lavensa slip her mind. Soon she had caught up, the two girls sprinting at top speed.
“This way!” Lavensa yelled as they barreled down a stretch of a corridor and into a ship hanger. There were rockets, and pods and house-ships, “See that one at the end? The big one?”
Nova looked over at the massive monstrosity of a ship the girl was referring to, “You mean the one that’s about to take off?”
“That’s the one,” She nodded.
“Run faster?” Nova asked.
“That’d be smart.”
The two raced forward as fast as their legs could carry them, faster than Nova had ever run in her life. They reached the ship as it was starting to roll forward. Lavensa put in a wedge to keep an automatic hatch from closing. She stuck her hands under the gap and lifted it higher but as the ship got farther her position was getting more cumbersome. She pushed it open and threw herself through the gap, barely managing to get her foot back in the gap before it closed. Nova was already out of breath and jogging along behind the ship was beginning to feel impossible to maintain. The girl continued to pry the gap open, then shouted over the engine noise, “We’re getting close to the airlock, you have to get in now!”
Nova took a leap of faith and burst forward diving headfirst through the gap. Once inside she turned around to watch the gate close, just as the interplanetary officers were closing in, leaving the girls in complete darkness. She let out a heavy sigh and slumped against the wall.