I know that the title of this thread is a bit over the top, but at least it got your attention. Lol Seriously though, I need help with writing an interogation scene for one of my stories, and was wondering if someone would be kind and willing enough to help me out. I'll give you as much (or as little) info as I can, so that you'll be able to understand why my main character is being questioned.
Hey I wouldn't mind helping out. If you could give me a heads up on what the scene looks like and a little bit about you MC and what the end outcome you are looking for.
Penstorm
Ok, great, and thank you in advance. Allow me to do some other things for a bit, then I'll get back with ya.
I'm back. So, first off, I'm gonna have you look at what I have on here for my MC. Invalid Character
Can I just share the chapter that the interogation is supposed to take place in with you? I'll answer questions that you have after you read it.
Hey, I like that your story is around a teenager and that he actually has some depth. A few questions about your MC….if he comes from a family with powers, why were they not able to help him before he 'blew up' or even after the fact? did he leave due to his own guilt or did his family/community kick him out? Are you going to deal with the psychological issues the trauma caused him? And how are those issues going to influence his behavior both now and for the future?
I would love to read the interrogation scene. I would think your MC would do one of two things because of his authority issues - be extremely cocky, sarcastic, and back talk OR completely not engage at all, the silent brooding type.
Here's the chapter where I plan on the interrogation taking place.
Johnny pulled the car up into the parking lot of the Central Midtown Juvenile Center. The large four story building loomed over them as a behemoth dragon, guarding her treasure. Jason sighed. Whether it was because this was where he felt at home, or because he knew that he was innocent, he didn’t know. Perhaps it was both.
Johnny sat back in his seat, and also sighed. He peers into the rearview mirror to look at the young man behind him. Fumbling around with his keychain, Johnny began yet again to do something that his instructor told him not to do.
“Jason?”
“I didn’t do it, John.” Jason said, giving Johnny an ice cold glare.
“I’m not the one that you have to try to convince of that, kid.” Johnny pauses to let out a sigh. “I really shouldn’t do this, but what the hell…. The guy that they’ve got to interrogate you doesn’t mess around Jason. He’s gonna give you everything that he’s got.”
“Why are you telling me this John?” Jason asked. Johnny sat silent and still for a moment, clutching the steering wheel with one hand so hard that his knuckles had turned white. Tears were welling up in his eyes, threatening to overflow.
“It’s because you remind me of someone; that someone is why I became a cop in the first place. Jason, with all the times that you’ve been here, and all of our interactions I’ve started to think of you as a brother. I’m even willing to risk my job for you!”
“We hardly ever talked to each other.” Jason said, befuddled by what Johnny had just told him.
“That doesn’t matter, not now.” A loud musical tune starts playing, causing Johnny to slightly leap from his seat. He pulls out his phone to look at it. “It’s time. I have to take you in now Jason.”
Johnny got out of the car, and moved around to the back where Jason was. Jason cooperated with him, and allowed the officer to lead him inside. Once inside Johnny lead Jason past a large office-like area, through a doorway, and down a hallway. Johnny had brought his adolescent captive to a room. Next to the door was sign reading INTERRO 1.
“I can’t believe that this is actually happening. I’m gonna have to wake up from this nightmare eventually.” Jason said.
“I’m sorry Jason, but this isn’t a dream.” Johnny stared at the door, an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach. “Once we go through that door I can’t help you. All I can do for you right now is tell you that the guy holds the rank of Major in the military. I guess Mayor Salem Black pressed for him to get to the bottom of this…. Just because you’re a kid doesn’t mean that he’ll go easy on you.” Johnny said, and opened the door.
The room that they had entered consisted of solid brick walls all painted a dull grey color. In one of them was a mirror. A single table was situated in the center of the room with several chairs placed around it. Two of the chairs were taken by two men. One of them, Jason noticed, was a familiar face. Jason didn’t recognize the other man though.
Great, not only do I have to deal with Jack, but now his dad as well! Jason thought to himself. He sat himself down across from Clark and the stranger, who Jason could only assume was the major that Johnny had warned him about.
“Hello Jason. Would you like something to drink? Perhaps something to eat?” Alex Devereux asked. He was a gruff looking man with small beady dark brown eyes, and buzz-cut brown hair. The sound of his deep voice reverberated off of the walls, making Jason a bit uncomfortable. Wrinkles showed on the man’s face due to, Jason assumed, stress from his rank. The shape of his broad shoulders and muscular arms was only accentuated by what he was wearing.
“No thanks.” Jason answered. So far he wasn’t getting why Johnny was concerned of this man’s presence.
“Well, it doesn’t matter even if you had said yes. I wouldn’t have given you squat, you little worm! And it’s no thanks, sir!” Alex said, slamming his mighty hands down, and leaning over the table. Spittle hit Jason in the face. He turned one of his hands into a tight fist to try to keep himself calm.
“Take it easy, Major Devereux.” Clark requests of him in a respectful tone. Alex settled himself back into his chair, and straightened his tie.
“So Flayme, why’d you do it?” Devereux asked.
“I didn’t do anything.” Jason answered.
“Well, according to witness statements you were the first to run outside before the fire took hold.” Clark states. “People were hurt, Jason.” Jason sits silently, looking down sorrowfully. Alex and Clark also remain silent. Clark breaks the silence.
Hey, I like that your story is around a teenager and that he actually has some depth. A few questions about your MC….if he comes from a family with powers, why were they not able to help him before he 'blew up' or even after the fact? did he leave due to his own guilt or did his family/community kick him out? Are you going to deal with the psychological issues the trauma caused him? And how are those issues going to influence his behavior both now and for the future?
I would love to read the interrogation scene. I would think your MC would do one of two things because of his authority issues - be extremely cocky, sarcastic, and back talk OR completely not engage at all, the silent brooding type.
Gonna start by answering your questions for Jason. The reason why his family couldn't help him is because Jason is the first person in his family to have his particular abilities. His parents kick him out, and I probably should. That's something that I'll have to look into as I revise my first draft. the psychological issues and trauma have influenced his personality. I was planning on that, and he's not called "Jason the Silent" for nothing! Thanks for the insight!
Sorry for the late reply… From what I read I like it. You set up the anticipation for the Major early on in the scene so the reader can start making opinions about him (is he a jerk, a hardass, the serious no playing type of guy) Good job.
For the dialogue, I would take out some of the 'he said', 'he sighed' and naming the characters. In the car scene, I know that it is just Jason and Johnny so having that constant reminder breaks up the flow of the scene. If you introduce a new character then, yes, restated who is talking, otherwise your reader can keep up.
Okay, this part of the interrogation… I will put my comments in parentheses.
“Hello Jason.((I would say the characters name here, like an introduction)) Would you like something to drink? Perhaps something to eat?” Alex Devereux asked. He was a gruff looking man with small beady dark brown eyes, and buzz-cut brown hair. The sound of his deep voice reverberated off of the walls, making Jason a bit uncomfortable. Wrinkles showed on the man’s face due to, Jason assumed, stress from his rank. The shape of his broad shoulders and muscular arms was only accentuated by what he was wearing. ((great description))
“No thanks.” Jason answered. So far he wasn’t getting why Johnny was concerned of this man’s presence. ((I would comment more about why Jason seems unconcerned. Maybe something about past authority figures that seemed scarier then him or he has down scarier things….))
((This turn of personality happened WAY too fast. Build of the tension. Draw it out like he is the good guy, wanting to help Jason. Get Jason and the reader to let their guard down then hit us with the personality switch.))“Well, it doesn’t matter even if you had said yes. I wouldn’t have given you squat, you little worm! And it’s no thanks, sir!” Alex said, slamming his mighty hands down, and leaning over the table. Spittle hit Jason in the face. He turned one of his hands into a tight fist to try to keep himself calm.((Can Jason control his power?, maybe he loses control a little bit and his cheeks flush a crimson red, grits his teeth and a faint smell of smoke permeates the air….? Keep teasing the reader about a possible catastrophe and reminding us that Jason is powerful))
((Also, if this Alex is a major, wouldn't he be more in control? They are pretty tight on their emotions to get that rank so I would think he would be manipulating Jason and his emotions… maybe showing him a picture of the fire to get a reaction and playing off that, and if he didn't get one then he could explode…))
“Take it easy, Major Devereux.” Clark requests of him in a respectful tone. ((Clark requested in a respectful tone)) Alex settled himself back into his chair, and straightened his tie.
“So Flayme, why’d you do it?” Devereux asked.
“I didn’t do anything.” Jason answered.
“Well, according to witness statements you were the first to run outside before the fire took hold.” Clark states. “People were hurt, Jason.” Jason sits silently, looking down sorrowfully. Alex and Clark also remain silent. Clark breaks the silence.
*** You told us a bit about Alex but nothing about Clark, unless you described him earlier on.
Alex seems like a condescending jerk, such as calling Jason "Flayme" making fun of him and belittling him. If that's the way you want to portray that character you're doing great lol!
I would be interested to read more. Your concept is a good one. Hope this helps.
Penstorm
Watch these scenes:
Star Wars Rebels Season One Episodes 12-13, Rebels Resolve and Fire Across the Galaxy. There’s some good scenes with Kanan and the Inquisitor.
Sorry for the late reply… From what I read I like it. You set up the anticipation for the Major early on in the scene so the reader can start making opinions about him (is he a jerk, a hardass, the serious no playing type of guy) Good job.
For the dialogue, I would take out some of the 'he said', 'he sighed' and naming the characters. In the car scene, I know that it is just Jason and Johnny so having that constant reminder breaks up the flow of the scene. If you introduce a new character then, yes, restated who is talking, otherwise your reader can keep up.Okay, this part of the interrogation… I will put my comments in parentheses.
“Hello Jason.((I would say the characters name here, like an introduction)) Would you like something to drink? Perhaps something to eat?” Alex Devereux asked. He was a gruff looking man with small beady dark brown eyes, and buzz-cut brown hair. The sound of his deep voice reverberated off of the walls, making Jason a bit uncomfortable. Wrinkles showed on the man’s face due to, Jason assumed, stress from his rank. The shape of his broad shoulders and muscular arms was only accentuated by what he was wearing. ((great description))
“No thanks.” Jason answered. So far he wasn’t getting why Johnny was concerned of this man’s presence. ((I would comment more about why Jason seems unconcerned. Maybe something about past authority figures that seemed scarier then him or he has down scarier things….))
((This turn of personality happened WAY too fast. Build of the tension. Draw it out like he is the good guy, wanting to help Jason. Get Jason and the reader to let their guard down then hit us with the personality switch.))“Well, it doesn’t matter even if you had said yes. I wouldn’t have given you squat, you little worm! And it’s no thanks, sir!” Alex said, slamming his mighty hands down, and leaning over the table. Spittle hit Jason in the face. He turned one of his hands into a tight fist to try to keep himself calm.((Can Jason control his power?, maybe he loses control a little bit and his cheeks flush a crimson red, grits his teeth and a faint smell of smoke permeates the air….? Keep teasing the reader about a possible catastrophe and reminding us that Jason is powerful))
((Also, if this Alex is a major, wouldn't he be more in control? They are pretty tight on their emotions to get that rank so I would think he would be manipulating Jason and his emotions… maybe showing him a picture of the fire to get a reaction and playing off that, and if he didn't get one then he could explode…))
“Take it easy, Major Devereux.” Clark requests of him in a respectful tone. ((Clark requested in a respectful tone)) Alex settled himself back into his chair, and straightened his tie.
“So Flayme, why’d you do it?” Devereux asked.
“I didn’t do anything.” Jason answered.
“Well, according to witness statements you were the first to run outside before the fire took hold.” Clark states. “People were hurt, Jason.” Jason sits silently, looking down sorrowfully. Alex and Clark also remain silent. Clark breaks the silence.*** You told us a bit about Alex but nothing about Clark, unless you described him earlier on.
Alex seems like a condescending jerk, such as calling Jason "Flayme" making fun of him and belittling him. If that's the way you want to portray that character you're doing great lol!
I would be interested to read more. Your concept is a good one. Hope this helps.
Penstorm
Thank you so much! You've given me things that I hadn't considered while I was writing this, and I will do my best to include them in the rewrite. If you're interested in reading what I do have wrote up, you can find that here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/71523488-rising-flame