@Killerofhappilyeverafters45
I wanted some feedback on this intro i made a while back, warning its depressing and has foul language:
“I love you.”
“No I love you more and you’re beautiful.”
“No you’re more beautiful.”
“No you are.”
“Let’s get married, have kids and live happily.”
“Of course, I would love to—“
“TURN THE BLOODY TV OFF!”
I shouted, punching a hole into the thin wall and startling the neighbor.
Her eyes widened as she observed my hand go right through and turned the tv off, scurrying to her bedrooim.
Pulling my hand out, I groaned and winced at the cuts with bits of the wall in them.
Grabbing the bronze bottle on the coffee table, I took a big swig of the liquid inside and slammed it back down.
My eyes were droopy and red from all the crying and lack of sleep I’ve had all this week.
Things have been tough, especially these last three months. Everything seems to irritate me in some way, even people.
The social world? Never heard of it, cause all I do is stay locked up inside this bloody apartment.
Everyone else goes out and has the time of their life doing fun adult things but technically I’m on house arrest.
That’s a long story of how I got on house arrest but it’s miserable.
Chuckling coldly, I pop the top off a bottle of bourbon and take a big drink, my eyes staring blankly at the floor.
Blood dripped onto the white carpet, the pain still lingered but it wasn’t as bad anymore.
The clock on the wall chimed, signaling it was five pm and a certain someone was coming home.
Frowning, I stood up and headed into the bathroom to tend to the wounds.
Carefully I cleaned each cut out and made sure to take out bits of the wall before placing an ointment on it.
After wrapping my hand up into a bandage, I put the first aid kit away and sat back down on the couch.
Just as I took another sip of my drink, the door opened and Nickolas stepped in with plastic bags filled with groceries and pride on his face.
“I just saved us $40 thanks to the coupons on—“
His eyes fell on me, observing how I was drinking away and ignoring his words.
“Oh god, you’ve got to be kidding me, Florence didn’t we discuss that you’re going Cold Turkey with that shit. It’ll bloody kill you at the rate your going, do you even care?”
He scolded, confiscating the bottles and placing them in the sink.
I rolled my eyes and pulled out a flask from my jacket pocket, narrowing my eyes as he quickly put the food in the fridge.
Walking back, he stood in front of the coffee table with his arms crossing over his chest, a stern expression on his face.
“Why is there a hole in the wall?”
He questioned, raising an eyebrow and tapping his foot impatiently.
“I punched through the wall.”
I replied, getting up and brushing past him to see what was in the fridge.
“Yeah but why? Don’t tell me that you were watching some tv show of yours and got pissed.”
Nickolas looked through the hole and sighed deeply, going to the hallway closet and taking some tape out.
“No, I just couldn’t stand the neighbor’s television program, it was so annoying. All you would hear is I love you no I love you more, no you’re prettier or you’re more beautiful, god it was annoying.”
I retorted, pulling out an apple and taking a big bite, gazing out the window.
Nickolas covered the hole with blue tape and stood next to me in the kitchen, placing a hand on my shoulder.
My body flinched at his touch, I hadn’t let anyone touch me in any way, whether it was a hug or pat.
“You’ll get through what happened sis, they say you learn from your mistakes to improve your future.”
He acknowledged, giving off a warm smile and taking the apple out of my hand.
Shaking my head in disappointment, I walked away and went to my room, slamming the door shut.
Locking it, I sat on the windowsill and opened up my laptop, a small black chrome book with a crimson colored case.
Typing away onto the keys, I opened up a document and inserted a journal entry.
I’ve read online that writing your emotions down helps to overcome the issue, but it’s become more of a cry for help.
No one knows what happened or that I have been documenting every time I get drunk thinking about this event.
Guess you could say it was very “life-changing” but that’s too cliche, this event did more than just that.
Plugging my earphones in, I blasted My Chemical Romance and wrote about the certain memory I recalled today along with my outburst to the neighbor.
She had it coming, I mean who wouldn’t get annoyed by cheesy romance programs on the tele?
After an hour or two, I stopped typing and scrolled through the document that was more than twenty pages long.
I started writing just a week ago, look at how much shit I’ve spoken about since the first night. On and on there’s rambles about how I really fucked up and wished that I hadn’t been so careless.
Letting my fingers rest from the harsh typing, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.
The music I was currently listening to really set the mood for me, especially “Adam’s song” by Blink-182.
It was written for one of the band members who passed away but I found it ever so relatable, in the past I’ve tried to commit suicide.
Each time, there was something that stopped me from doing so and eventually I gave up.
The last time I attempted it, my brother came into the bathroom and held me in his arms, whispering about how our mother wouldn’t have wanted this.
Nickolas told me he was afraid of being alone, even speaking about it made the poor guy tear up.
I had to promise him something that day, and surprisingly I’ve lived up to it. No more attempting suicide until I’m actually suffering from a disease or something worse. He was the spitting image of a concerned parent, wanting me to live longer than him and get a perfect life.
All of this took an emotional toll on him, but it’s his character, always portraying as the “hero” to come save the day.
It’s a good characteristic, something I wish I had but that was also a flaw. He wanted to help everyone, even those who are too far down the line to be brought into the light. It pained him to see that, in which made him consider getting a full time job as a caretaker at a senior center.
There’s this feeling that you get when you’re around him, the mood shifts to something happier and peaceful. That’s why many request to see him before they drift off into an eternal slumber, he gives them the comfort of feeling so happy.
It brings tears to my eyes when I recall all the moments we shared together when
I was in pain. When I got hit by a bus, he was at my side the entire way towards recovery.
That’s what he’s trying to do now but without knowing what happened that made me this way, it’s more difficult to manage.
Closing my laptop, I wiped any tears that were starting to form and headed into the bathroom. Brushing my teeth, I tried not to stare at my reflection knowing that i was a mess.
After putting on some comfy pajamas, I climbed into bed and cuddled with a stuffed animal of a lion cub as I drifted off to sleep.
